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View Full Version : My Loner status and anxiety is getting to me... finally...


Jijjin
October 9th, 2007, 07:49 PM
So I'm turning 16 in two days, yay. But I haven't had a single friend since I was 12... okay that's it, I'm going to tell me story. I'll try to keep it short, I usually go on and on...

When I was born... I was this hyper-active kid. Loud mouth, full of energy. I learned how to walk and run, I didn't have to crawl. It went on to 2nd grade, me and two other kids were class clowns. So, how long will this last?

It was 3rd grade, I was excited of course to go to school. But my teacher was a bit... weird. From Week 1, me, most of my fellow 3rd grade classmates (it was a 3rd/4th grade multi-age class), and some 4th graders were "in trouble." She gives us this lecture about behavior and stuff, and when I look back at it... it just didn't make sense.

Her goal I guess was to "scare" us, get us being on-task and whatever. I guess she didn't want us to act like elementary kids, but rather more mature kids (like the European kids). You get in trouble if you don't finish, let's say, some in-class assignment in the alotted time. If you talk when she's talking, she makes a huge deal out of it. Or if you "socialize/talk too much" or are "off-task", you're in trouble. It's like a coach trying to get rid of an athlete's bad habits.

Then the turning point. One time there was a subsitute teacher, and yeah it was noisy and disruptive. I did indeed get immature twice, but It really wasn't a big deal. I called a kid named John a name, and said he should go back to Kindergarten, keep that thought for a sec. She pulled out like half the class. Then she did her "disciplining" thing again. I had to go, I was with 3 other students. This kid was talking about something, and then another asked what they were talking about again. Then she suddenly asked me. "What's your story?" ... What story? I was just totally confused at that time. Looking back she didn't asked, "What did you say to John" or whatever. So I just said another time where I asked a girl a question and she seemed annoyed a bit. Then a kid said no, it's not true. I said John should go back to Kindergarten. *Ding* "Oh yeah, I said that", I said. Then 5 minutes afterwards she called me a liar and whatever. Then I guess I became "unbearable" to her, and I just didn't know what I did. Again, it's the whole mature thing that she wants. So ended up getting a parent teacher conference. She said I was off task and basically everything I said above... Off-task? In 3rd grade? Aren't kids supposed to be kids? Then talks about being "successful." Well, from that point on, I changed...

From that point I transformed into a quiet young boy. I never talk unless I'm spoken to. I focus all in finishing the school assignment, I never socialize. This even goes to my extended family (cousins, 2nd cousins, etc.), but a side story did that. I still have friends however, as you automatically makes friends when you're in Elementary school. Then something interesting happens.

My teacher finally acts normal when November came. She finally became this nice, motherly person... or rather her real self... Lol. She does this discipline thing and then turns around when I transformed. She creates these bonds and finally acts herself. I decided to stay in her class for 4th grade.

Then I move on to 5th grade, and I haven't shook off that mentality from 3rd and 4th grade. I'm even more quieter, but another break for me. 5th grade is the start of the Upper Elementary, a new school 4 Elementary schools move up to that school. So again, I naturally make more friends. But some moved, Most of them I haven't heard from them since, and then in the end of 6th grade I split from my best friend. This is due to the group he hangs out with being immature, and the funny thing is that they become more nature the next year). I made another best friend that year (we reunited from 2nd grade), but he moves to Phoenix, Arizona. Also in 6th grade, I had the potential to talk to girls who are still the popular girls today. They talked to me first, but being quiet it didn't any further.

Then Middle school. I occasionally got made fun of, though not to the point of harassment or bullying. They were mosly making fun of me being quiet and loneful. I had no friends, but at that point I didn't care. Go through school, get good grades, go to college, & get a job. Then in 8th grade it got to me for a second. I thought about it got a while, but later dismissed it.

I enter High School. I know I'm quiet. But whatever, I have a senior sister, and I'll just go make the Basketball team (JV). But then more thoughts came to mind. Just because you're in a sports team (especailly JV) that doesn't make you popular, and jsut because you have a sibling doesn't make you popular. And, I didn't make it on the team. The reaming people tried to open up to me, but it just doesn't work. I appreciated it, but nothing from me showed. I find out that my "normal" face is a glare at people. My sister pointed it out, and from that point on I just became even more quieter.

And here I am, a Sophomore. And at this point, people are just tired of my prescence. As a loner, people around you just have this anxiety. Then the definition of a Loner: Only associates with people who are worth his/her time. Lol, I'm only open to my direct family (mom, dad, sister). Then you have people left and right getting this mentality of (he's quiet, he looks angry, he looks sad, why should I talk to him if he doesn't seem to want to talk to me?). It comes back from Middle School, but now in even more depth. I can't help it, I always tried to change... and it just didn't come out. I've been acting like this since 3rd grade, when you develop even more socially (you learn letters, then words, and now then even more from 1st to 4th grade).

What can I do? Whenever I try to change, I always revert to my quiet self. Plus I already have this bad image with people, and I can't suddenly change in a snap the next day. Right now however I do have some friends, or rather people who'd let me sit in the table, people who I can talk to or people who talk to me, etc. But it closes there, the rest of my classmates conclude me as a loner. What can I do to slowly change and bring my old self (before 3rd grade) back?

bbychop
October 9th, 2007, 08:55 PM
well, seeing as you are a sophomore, it will be hard to get your old self back, but you could do it in due time. it is hard to suppress memories of things that changed you when you are younger. all i can say is, have you talked to someone about it?

i suggest you start out by talking to some people. people you feel comfortable around that are not family. slowly develop sorts of acquaintanceship or friendship with them. it is not going to be an overnight transformation, which i am sure you know. just give things time and hopefully it will all work out for you. :)

Jijjin
October 11th, 2007, 07:19 PM
Thank you.

Well, I forgot to add this. There was more to me than that 3rd grade incident. I think I mentioned that there was another story? Well, I'll be really breif with this one. As mentioned above, I used to be hyperactive. When I changed, that was only for school and public places. I was still okay with my cousins and extended family. Let's just say that eventually, I do the quiet treatment as well to my extended family. I'll just name some events to name a few.

Three of my cousins were comparing me to another cousin. He was very rude, cocky, obnoxious inconsiderate, and just recently... he's under psychosis due to overdose of a drug he won't even mention, it changed his life forever. Then at one point, I was just annoying... at least to some of my cousins. Some of them treated me like garbage, and even though I eventually figured out that they were just playing... I didn't like it. Then people here and there saying how I'm annoying or whatever, and even though I shouldn't have worried because I was just a kid... it got to me. Then the summer of 2004, that was the last straw. To be humiliated and made fun of from my cousins. They made me look so dumb and naive, it still hurts.

So with the incident in 3rd grade combined with those events... It just strengthened me being quiet and serious. Being more specific, 3rd grade just made me quiet. Then those other incidents gave me the whole, "I don't want to be annoying anymore, I want to be mature", and things likes that. Lol, my cousins who talked behind my back were so suprised at how I turned out when I came back, I was absent from a family reunion with them for three years. Lol, it's just funny yet sad that I want to be all this mature and grown up guy... now I want to reverse it. Well, I'll try my best to change myself again.

bbychop
October 12th, 2007, 01:01 AM
i have been there before with cousins, in some way, however. mine are more of a conservative christian type who write about god all the time in their notebooks and they all believe i am annoying because i am the only different, real one. what i learned is that it should not matter what family thinks of you. at least not the ones you do not see every day. they only know one side of you and one side only, not the whole. the comparison they did to you and your other cousin was kind of one of those trying to make themselves look better, in my opinion and from my own experience at least.
being mature is not always the best decision. within every bit of maturity is a bit of immaturity. as i said, it will take some time but you will get the hang of it. no worries.

northskater110
October 12th, 2007, 06:15 PM
be a class clown again

i am, and every loves it
u can go back! make small jokes from movies, like napolean dynamite and kids will like u
trust me it works

samfromsydney
November 6th, 2007, 09:58 AM
You may need to contact a helpline. They are trained to help people feeling lonely or sad.