abandonment, Depression and self harm

[NZLD]

For the past few years of my life, i have been extremely depressed and upset. Whats worse is that no one can acknowledge it, instead they just turn there heads and make me feel like an even bigger piece of shit. All the friends i've had whether it be long periods of time or short have abandoned me and excluded me from social events and parties. Because of all these, even through it i get really anxious talking to new people in real life or even on skype. I make myself look like a complete idiot and it just frustrates me even more. I talk to a school counciller but i feel even he looks down on me and doesn't understand how i truely feel. I just feel so broken and upset and paranoid. I always see things out of the corner of my eye and feel like things are touching me or watching me. I go from sitting in me bed quietly n the dark to jumping out and catching the train to one of my lasts friends house and just getting high and smoking away my problems. I go on facebook at night only to find parties and events all of my friends have been invited to except me it just breaks me even more. I'm so so depressed and upset all i do is cut, cut cut cut. And its becoming more addicting. I steal one of my dads razor blades break it and use the bear razor to slice through my skin, then i just lay there and gaze at the blood trickling down my leg. I've really hit rock bottom and i don't know how much further ill take this even though its been like this for years. I never eat properly and am awake until 8am every morning. All i do is binge on coke zero and sit on my laptop in the dark. I really am fucked and i don't know what to do anymore. And before you say talk to a guardian, my parents are fucked my mother is just an aggressive alcoholic in denial and my dad is just ignorant with these sorts of things, don't feel comfortable talking to my parents about these sorts of things anyway. I'm also an only child. Fuck my life and i mean that literally

[NZLD]

Wow no one wants to offer any support or advice?

[Listed MIA]

My best advice would be to stay off the weed. I know it seems like a good idea at the time but it really really doesn't help with feelings of paranoia. The fact that you see things and feel things touching you is kinda worrying. (i was hospitalised for a similar thing a few months ago. I think you should maybe talk to your doctor to make sure everything is ok?) Actually i think you should probably see your doctor anyway, maybe get some antidepressants to help you get out of your depression? I was totally against taking antidepressants (not sure why really) but they have helped a lot with things like wanting to eat more and I sleep better.

What kind of stuff does your school counsellor suggest you do? Is there another one you could switch to? I'm sorry you've lost friends too. It sucks. I know because its happened to me too.

Sorry, I can't really think of anything to say that would be more helpful. Its just that if you are really badly depressed then its practically impossible to be able to do stuff like quit cutting and do social stuff with friends. I think you need to get some help with the depression first.

[DarkNick]

God....
You are indeed in a really tough situation..
So here it goes with my advice,I hope it will be helpful.
First of all stop self harming. You need to stop doing bad to yourself. Been there, didn't help me at all and it made my mind blur, I couldn't think clearly 'cause of it (and the whole situation of course)

Try to leave out of your mind your parents at the moment, you know isolate them from your life for a bit (It may sound disturbing but your I think that you need a kind of ''restart'' in order to start feeling better). Listen to some short of music, express all this sadness and anger that you have bottled up inside of you in an artistic,non harmful way. Also try to socialize. If you believe that you can't do that in your school or in places that people know you, then do it somewhere else. Start a hobby,try to get out of the house (even by yourself,sometimes some fresh air can be miraculous!). Eventually when you'll look better people will start acting normal towards you (I've noticed that,it happens a lot lately,people abandon others when they can't handle them,silly of them but anyway,we're talking about you now!)
And throw that ''I make myself to look like a complete idiot'' away! You definately deserve more than that! Look your self on the mirror and believe in yourself! Try to remember things that you were good at,try to get back in shape in these and start dreaming about the future! Set targets that you'll reach and work to do so!

Dress up good,think possitive and smille! the rest will follow ;)

[NZLD]

Thanks so much for the advice Nick :)

Thanks so much for the advice Tommy :)

[DarkNick]

Thanks so much for the advice Nick :)

Anytime my friend :)
and let me know if it worked out eventually , for you :)

[jayyy-lmao]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have long felt that way. But you just have to keep strong.

[Pedro Fernandes]

We all know that feel bro. PM me if you need help :)

[Conqueror of Hearts]

I think you should visit your doctor for sure...you need help because you need to get out of that mess and start living your life. You dont need to talk to your parents if you dont want to but you should talk to someone who will know how to help you. Once you start getting out of it you'll meet new people, make new friends or become more needed and wanted among old friends. They can feel that you are changed and maybe it isnt only that they left you maybe you pushed them away. Just try to find the strenght , go to your doctor and dont be affraid of his reaction. It is his job to help other people. Never think that something great isnt just around the corner, life is beautiful and amazing and you need to experiance all of it. You will get out of this stronger and wiser and one day you can be proud that you were maybe at the bottom but you got up and continued. And when you overcome this never forget to tell your story and help others to get out of it too.
Take care