How To Save a Dying Relationship?

[TaylrJ]

I am 15, my friend is a year younger, and we are both guys. We have a real close relationship. It started literally at the very beginning of this school year in August. And he is the funnest person to be around with. He is my best friend. We do everything together. We sit together, go to events together, and text all the time. Well I am just going to say this now, I am bi, and I am in love with him. I love him so much, everything about him. I care about him a whole lot and I feel he does the same about me. I really do. I am not going to say examples of why I think he is gay. In some of my other forums, it says why I think this.. But everyone else thinks we are gay together. We went to a basketball game together last week, and it was just us two, alone. Then everybody, people on the football team, cheerleaders, everybody. Started talking about us behind our backs, saying we were gay together. Then I told him they were doing this, and he got real mad over it.

But it's weird, ever since then, he hasn't talked to me. He never waits for me to get out of class, never invites me to go places, never texts me, or anything. It is always me doing these things and he doesn't do them back anymore. And me being the only one that flirts and texts him makes me seem clingy, which I can understand how is annoying. But today in gym is what started it all, I wanted to know if he wanted to play a game of basketball, and he said no. Then right after that he played with some other kid and talked to him and everything, and just ignored me. It made me so mad, I told him "You're getting on my nerves, you know that?" he said back, "What?! How am I getting on YOUR nerves whenever I haven't talked to you in like, 3 days. You are getting on my nerves and I think you're annoying so get away from me" After he told me this, I didn't know what to do... I started to cry and one of the girls saw me so I went to the bathroom. The whole time I was in there I cried. I was just thinking about everything we had together. Every single day, he was a part of. But now he just pushes me away..

It hurt me so much and all that day I couldn't wait to see him and invite him to go to the game with me tonight, and instead he told me to go away. I don't know what to do. I want everything to go back to how it use to be! I am sick of how awkward it is between us and I just wanna go back to being childish and me and him always laughing together over the stupidest things. I love him so much and we use to have something, but he ruined it. If you think about it, all this is because of him. We could still be good friends right now but he doesn't wanna be it seems like. And I really wanna be with him tonight at the game.. But I am afraid of being rejected when I ask him to hang out because I can't handle it. I know I'll cry.. What should I do? How can I make this relationship better? Thank you..

[FreeFall]

It hurts but he's made his choice it seems, and if I must say, a pretty shitty one.
It seems that he doesn't want to be seen as "gay" with you. So he's pushing for distance between you two and probably even just severe everything. Probably trying to figure out what he wants and all that shit but being pretty inconsiderate of you.

This is something that's always tough, and you're going to hate it, but I think you need to drop the rope. Trying to pull at him while he's running like a rabbit will only make him run farther, and give yourself a world more of pain because you're trying and he isn't.
Not all relationships last, even friendships die. Some with time, some with reasons.
Don't give the world the chance to jump at you for being a "clingy ex", don't put yourself through that hun. Just hold that head up, brush the dirt he's kicking at you off, and give it all a good big "forget this" and drop the rope. You deserve time to be sad and grieve, you need it and after being the best buddy you could have been until he ditched you, it'll be worth it. Just sob, cry, scream, just get it all out of your heart and system. It may be possible he'll turn back around and say "whoops I was a jerk" and try to patch things up. You can decide what to do from there if that were to happen.

Once you're nice and calm, or whenever you're calm and won't be an emotional wreck, just send him a note. Tell him your regrets, just don't attack him for ending what was, and thank him for having been your friend during that time. Don't show anger, bitterness, nothing. From that it is also possible he will return a note or confront you and you two can finally speak it out.
In the end though, it's definitely going to be ok and you'll make other friends, if not better ones. You're a great guy it seems, don't deny yourself that valuable self from people because of some guy that up and ran at a hint of trouble. You're too great for that (:

[sieg]

freefall hit it right on the head. your friend is a shallow bastard who cares more about his reputation around school than his friendship with you. I had a similar thing going on with someone earlier and it didn't end well. just do yourself a favor and do not pursue anything with him. he's just gonna keep blowing you off, and being around him just makes you want to keep asking him. been there, done that. let him come to you, if he's worth it. find someone else to do your fun things with. Sorry for the harsh reality, but it's what sobers us up after bad stuff happens. some people are just real dicks and... sometimes we don't see that until we're waste deep in our own drool over them.
in short, my man. your friend is a shallow nugget, and probably not your friend. if he's worth it he'll come back, if not well.... there's plenty of fish in the sea.

[TaylrJ]

Thank you! I agree. I talked to him about it saying "Stop this whole thing you're doing to make people think we aren't gay together, it's real dumb. Nobody is gonna think you're gay, and you AREN'T! So why would you go out of your way to convince people by acting like we aren't friends??" He replied back saying "When have I ever done this?" Then I had to explain the whole thing to him.. I'll admit, it has been a long time since he have had that much fun together after that moment. Things actually went back to normal. We were sending funny pictures of ourselves, calling, and laughing on the phone together. I was so happy, lol. He talks to me in school now. First thing in the morning, he'll come up to me and start a conversation. Same with all the classes we have together.

He still does many, many things that irritate me though. For example, he has no manners. Ya, laugh all you want, but it get's real annoying. For instance, I asked him what an iphone case is called online, he showed me previously and I forgot. I was also wanting to get it for myself. He replied back saying what it was called and said "Buy it for me and I'll pay you back!" Notice, he didn't even ask, or say please. I said back, "OK". Then thought it'd be nice to say "You know, I'll just buy it for you, it's only about 5 bucks". He finally texted back saying "Ok". Also note, he didn't say thank you to me or anything. Well in the end I couldn't order the case for an apparent reason. But it still got on my nerves about how he didn't really care after what I would've done for him..

Another situation happened the same night and it also made me real mad. I texted him saying I am going to get to cokes at the gas station tomorrow morning for both of us to drink at school. He said "Ok, also can you get me this drink instead of a coke? And in a bottle?" I said jokingly "Sure, you need anything else? Like the whole fricken store?" Then he told me to get "Two sausage biscuits for us two to eat and some drinks". No please and he didn't even ask me, again. Well I am in the hall, his locker is in a different hall that I'm not in and after not even being at school for five minutes, I get a text saying "Bring me my food". I brought it to him and again, no thank you or anything. I did post a vague tweet mentioning people not saying thank you and how it's pathetic. Then he saw it and casually told me as if he was going to anyway. He even made sure he told me like, 5 times that day. I said to him "You owe me 3 bucks you know?" He said, "I do? I thought this was making up for the iPhone cases...." That's when I got real mad.

He is so unappreciative. He wasn't raised like how I was. I was raised to be a well-mannered, grateful, and a very nice kid. He is kinda spoiled and on the other hand and I've gotta say, it get's real old and pissed me off. Other than that, I still like him. We are real close and he is a real good person too. He has respect, goes to church, easy to get along with, funny, kind, NEVER has he made fun of me or made me feel bad about myself, and he compliments me a lot too. He is real nice, it's just he's not appreciative. Whenever it comes to me getting things for him, me doing things relationship wise, or me doing a good deed. He doesn't do anything back to me that's like that! He doesn't even take the time to show he appreciates it and say thank you. Am I overreacting? What do you think of him? Overall? I can understand why you'd think he isn't really that good of a guy because all I really post is the bad stuff about him, honestly. The only thing that bothers me is how spoiled he is. It needs to change. But anyways, what do you think? Thanks for the help...

[TaylrJ]

freefall hit it right on the head. your friend is a shallow bastard who cares more about his reputation around school than his friendship with you. I had a similar thing going on with someone earlier and it didn't end well. just do yourself a favor and do not pursue anything with him. he's just gonna keep blowing you off, and being around him just makes you want to keep asking him. been there, done that. let him come to you, if he's worth it. find someone else to do your fun things with. Sorry for the harsh reality, but it's what sobers us up after bad stuff happens. some people are just real dicks and... sometimes we don't see that until we're waste deep in our own drool over them.
in short, my man. your friend is a shallow nugget, and probably not your friend. if he's worth it he'll come back, if not well.... there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Thanks.. I posted a reply to someone who also helped me, in this same forum, and I explained anther situation that is also bothering me.. It's real long but if you could please read and give me some advice, it'd be great! Appreciate it!

[FreeFall]

NEVER has he made fun of me or made me feel bad about myself,
Why are you lying to yourself? Did that magical happy moment after confrontation really make you forget he didn't want to be seen as gay with you? You know, that indirect way of him saying people think you're too gay for me to be seen with kthnx bye you're now worthless in light of how others see me?

And your post...rubbed me the wrong way. So he doesn't say please or thank you, have you actually talked to him about it? Don't essentially peer down from your "well mannered" nose at him if you haven't/don't/won't speak up. Why are you zeroing in on that? How important of that is it to you? I totally get feeling appreciated, really I do, but is appreciation absolutely not shown in any way, or just not in the way you want? If there's none at all, you have bigger issues to worry about than a mere "please" and "thank you."
He wasn't raised like how you were, because he doesn't have your parents. I got an odd vibe that if someone's not meeting your standards, you judge how they were raised to below acceptable standards. You probably didn't mean that, but it's how it came off a little.

And I agree, spoiled folk need to change their ways but how are you helping it by catering, yes catering, to him? He says do it, you do it. Why? How are you helping him by being his hand-boy? Don't say "cuz I'm his friend" or "I'm niiicceee", it hinders him being able to grow and process he can't always expect people to ask "how high" if he says "jump", sometimes people will respond with a "fuck you" instead.

You've just got to talk to him about things. He's not a mind-reader. He won't know anything unless you are direct about it. No hinting, no passive aggressiveness, just upfront honesty.

I withhold my opinion.

[TaylrJ]

Alright... I get your post and I kinda agree with some of it. I AM LYING TO MYSELF, yes. I have been this whole time. Trying to think of reasons (That wouldn't involve hurting me) on why he was doing certain things. Right now, what I am about to type is straightforward, and just the truth...

Btw, whenever acted like he wasn't friends with me, I wasn't trying to "forget" it. I was trying to forgive him. I thought it would've been the best thing to do by making him realize what he did was wrong, forgive him, and move on. Well, after that... We texted like usual, talked at school as usual, and walked to every class together like always. Well tonight, he was with me at a basketball game. Maybe about 30 minutes of it. And then he just started hanging out with someone else. Talked about how they were "so close", went in the parking lot and ran around, and acted crazy the whole time. See, if this would've been two weeks ago.. That would have been me. What's funny is, right after the game we were texting each other for a little while, like nothing had ever happened and he was with me the whole night. I think you are right about him not wanting to be with me in public.. And I am going to do what you said, talk to him about it.

Also, the reason I'll "do anything for him" isn't because I'm a "suck-up" and try to always please him. I simply do it to show I am there for him. I don't constantly serve him either and I don't do whatever he tells me to. He hardly tries to get me to.. I want him to know that I'd go out of my way and do something for him to show that I care. It's not like he constantly goes up to me saying "Buy me this, I want that! Gimme money!" I didn't mean to make it sound like I let him push me around. He for sure doesn't use me either, I know he doesn't. He's not like that, just saying.

You're right about another thing though.. It is pathetic of me to get all worked up because he doesn't say "please" and "thank you".. And after reading your post I did realize, he DID show he appreciated me doing all that for him. I don't know why I got all worked up about him not being straight forward by actually saying he appreciated it, but he showed me he cared.

I don't know if I am making this relationship way more difficult than it should be or if all this is worth seeking help for. I don't know if it is even worth being friends with him since so much effort is put into it, but so much frustration comes out of it. I really don't understand it anymore. I personally have came to the conclusion that I over think everything. I think I try to hard and I need to chill out, and stop taking EVERYTHING he does so seriously. I also think I'm going to stop this.. Getting online everyday, trying to make things right, when most times, they already are. I've noticed that only the people I fall in love with are the ones I worry and think about so much. Not because I am in love with them, well ya, but really it's because my main focus is trying to make things work too much. And in reality, they already are... I just try to hard really. So in conclusion, I'm still going to care. Just not to an extent that every little thing he does has an effect on me. I think instead of trying to "fix-it", I am going make sure there isn't anything to "fix" in the first place... And to do that is to not take everything he does so seriously. And if it really is something that bothers me, like I said earlier, I am going to do what you said and talk to him about it.

So, what do you think? Do you AGREE with what I said in the last paragraph? You think it's the best thing to do? What do you think of this whole topic? Thanks..

[FreeFall]

To forget and forgive are two different things. You also do not forgive for anyone or anything but yourself. Forgiveness is your own personal key made for just you, to set you free from whatever has wrapped around you.

I do not agree with all of your last post, because you flipped it around on yourself. And it hurts to have seen that. It does. Because what I saw from this;
I personally have came to the conclusion that I over think everything.
is not someone that over thinks things. Over thinking is wondering if the person that said "hello" to you meant "hello I'll ask you out tomorrow" or "hello you're sexy" or "Hello you fat ugly cow." and then creating a game plan for every scenario, from a simple hello. That is over thinking.
What you're showing is someone hurt. Someone that's lost and confused and grasping for something that what once and maybe some answers.
You saying you're over thinking things, has taken the whole pile of crap that has happened, and dumping it on yourself. You've basically said "if I just didn't care and let things go, then we'd have no problems. Everything's my fault because I over analyze."
You're not over thinking hun, you're just trying to figure out everything and find someway to cope. From what I see, even if you didn't over think, things would still have happened. They'd probably be worse from what I can gather, had you not thought at all.

I try to hard
Perhaps you do. I'm seeing you give 90% effort while your friend gave 0, but then umped it to 5% because he may have realized he was being a jerk. There needs to be a balance, you're just one person. A relationship of any kind takes two on the same playing field, your friend seems to hop onto the bleachers time to time and watch you chase the ball he should be helping you with. You've just got a big heart and a lot of hope, an admirable thing but don't let them work against you. I'm not saying stop trying, only you can call that, but don't wear yourself out and lose what people need.

and stop taking EVERYTHING he does so seriously[/QUOTE
At the point and time this relationship is in, I don't advise that. He needs to prove to you he's there for you and cares about you. He needs to prove he's as committed as you find acceptable or at least enough that the relationship can float without so much strain from you. No, don't scrutinize him or, really, over think what he does, but do consider it. Weigh it, watch it and see how you feel about it. Find a balance between ignoring a few things you don't like, and assessing what it is you feel can and cannot be for him to prove what you need.

[QUOTE] I also think I'm going to stop this.. Getting online everyday, trying to make things right, when most times, they already are
No. If they were right you wouldn't feel like you do. You wouldn't be struggling like this. You wouldn't be hurting. You wouldn't be seeking solace or answers. You wouldn't feel or be lost.
Once the pain goes away it means one of two things; you're numb and nothing matters anymore or you really do feel that this is right.

Absolutely do what you feel is needed and what you feel must be done. You can be the only one to make the calls. What I say isn't meant to be taken as a code of law or rules to follow so to speak, I give advice to make you think. I want to make you wonder and dig in yourself and your mind to figure out what you want, how you feel and figure out things and maybe see from a view you hadn't before.
Honestly in this whole topic, it's a grey line for me. One one hand because you feel so strongly to him, I'm weighing him in the light of your emotions and trying to see what I can say for you to help yourself in winning a freedom and happiness. I feel he's pretty much said good bye to you, in a shitty way, and is just sort of mulling around for some reason, and I can't figure out if he realized he was a jerk or if he's also trying to figure out what's up with him. On the other hand, I feel like I'm watching a re-run of a few friendships I have had. The drifting, the bad feelings and tension, the working it out only to realize there was no reason to have put any effort in and we'd just evolved into different people.

In the end, no matter what it is, you're a good person, loyal friend, a caring fellow and you can say you tried. You've got a strong determination and a lot of warmth in you, he was and is lucky to have/had you as a friend. No one can say otherwise.

[TaylrJ]

Thanks for the advice. I agree with some of it. Especially this:

Find a balance between ignoring a few things you don't like, and assessing what it is you feel can and cannot be for him to prove what you need.
This is how I think of it... Every action he does has a meaning. Whether he doesn't sit with me in class, if he doesn't wanna hang out with me on the weekends anymore, him telling me "He loves me" (he's done this before), or wanting me to hang out with him. It has a meaning behind it and this is why I said I over think... I try to determine what every single on of those actions mean. I think about it too much and I try to come up with a logical reason why he did something that affected me. Even if it is something as stupid as not talking to me or texting me back. I think it is over thinking and what I am going to do is just pick out whether if it is worth worrying about or not. I don't really worry about every little thing he does anymore, that's when I use to be real obsessive over him. I have just noticed sometimes I can get this way and a good technique I came up with is to stop, think about what he is doing and if this is really worth getting all upset for, and go from there. So this is what I mean by over thinking.

I also think he has a different perspective on the situation. Whenever he acted like he wasn't my friend, I don't think he was doing it to hurt me. What he was doing could have made perfect sense to him. He just didn't realize he was hurting me. For example, since I was mad at everybody calling us gay, and so was he, maybe HE THOUGHT that BOTH OF US didn't wanna talk as much, especially in public. Maybe he thought I didn't wanna ruin my reputation either. It may not be exactly that specific scenario.. But I don't think he was doing all this to purposely hurt me. Besides, he wouldn't ever do it on purpose. I honestly wasn't talking to him as much as I use to either.. So I think he had a different view on this whole thing and wasn't trying to end our friendship.. And a reason why I know this... The day after the basketball game, I saw him and yelled "Hey buddy!" and then he said "Hey pal! Oh.. wait, we can't be gay together" then I was confused and just said "Oh yea... alright."

Do you truly think this relationship between us two is ending? I do not, one bit. I think what we both went through was sort of a weird, confusing stage that just had to pass on it's own, but now I think it's over with now and things have gone back to how it use to be. I can just tell by how it is between us two. We are more comfortable around each other now and can talk about anything now. See, a week ago, it was awkward and just passing him in the hallway was even weird.

Thank you so much for your help and if there is any more advice you feel you need to give me, please, do so. You've helped out so much and have made this a whole lot easier going through. You've especially made this less confusing. I'll let you know if any more serious problems occur between us two. Thanks :)

[FreeFall]

Whenever he acted like he wasn't my friend, I don't think he was doing it to hurt me. What he was doing could have made perfect sense to him. He just didn't realize he was hurting me.
This is bad reasoning. Rarely, does it bode well. In the mind of an abuser, it makes sense to beat their victim. They may be hurting them, but they feel validated. In the mind of a cheater, it's ok to cheat, especially if their partner never finds out.

There is hope for him! But, if he couldn't step outside of his box for a moment, and realize what he could be doing, even if he felt it made all the sense in the world, it made no sense to you, the one who matters. That's scary. That he's so dense in his own actions and own reasoning he's blind to everything else? There's hope for him, and if you really feel this then you best confront him about it.
Try to explain your side and help him see that while 2+2 can equal 78 to him, it will always be 4 to you.

What's bugging me is you say he may have been trying to both save his and your own "reputation", and he'd never intentionally hurt you. Yet he did. Instead of saying, let's lay low in public and act like we're not "in the gay", he went off on his own way and assumed something he shouldn't have. He decided to ignore you. He decided to act very un-friend like. He consciously made that choice alone no matter the reason, please don't forget it when you're trying to place the puzzle together.

No. I think most relationships can be save depending on the circumstances they fall a part on, that's why I said it was grey for me. There wasn't a Yes this can be! But there wasn't a no, it's dead.

You need to speak though. You need to have a sit down and pretty much explain everything you're feeling, thinking, what you thought and everything you feel must be said, even if it's something stupid like your toenail has a weird spot on it. Go all out and have a much needed heart to heart. If anything, for your own peace and maybe you two will realize there was a barrier that needed to be broken down.

I think, in a way, this whole ordeal may even strengthen you two. You may never be as you were, but you two could be stronger. It'll take time to heal what was torn, but it seems and sounds like it can be done.

Good luck!

[TaylrJ]

Well lately he has been acting weird. Like he's been real tired and not energetic like he has been. We still talk and have conversations all the time but I think he's just been tired. He told me he hasn't been getting enough sleep. If he keeps acting this way, I am gonna ask him to see if anything's wrong and talk to him about it.

Later today, we were in gym class together and we never talk in there. Even whenever this relationship was going real strong, we still never did. Reason why was because he plays basketball with everyone else and I am not athletic so I just walk with some of the girls upstairs. Today was different. I was coming out of the locker room and we started talking, laughing, and just having fun by messing with people and stuff. It was real funny. Well two other people who aren't real athletic, like me, wanted to play a game. He got real excited and begged me to play. I finally did and it was so much fun. I sucked, he knew it, everybody knew it (only 4 people total, lol). But every time I would make a shot he'd cheer and say "Good job buddy! Way to go!" in a real cheesy voice.. I can't really describe the tone he says it in but every time he'd do something in the game I'd do the same thing back, by telling him good job in the same voice. Later after that, we got tired of playing, so me and him just sat down together on the bleachers. We just talked about random stuff and started dying out laughing over it.

After sitting down for a while he said there was something he needed to talk to me about, and like you said how it was ok if it was the stupidest thing. Well this is what it was.. He told me I was bein kinda mean. He said it was whenever I jokingly told him to "Go away" earlier in that class. It kinda hurt his feelings. He even did the same thing to me before I said that to him though! He told me to go away! I mentioned him doing that and he said "Sorry, I won't do it again and I was also joking. It's just sometimes whenever you say it, it is embarrassing because other people don't know you are joking, and sometime I'm not even sure." It's pretty lame, that we had to sit down and talk about something that stupid. But hey, it let me know he actually cared. It made me feel good to be honest. Defiantly made me fore sure about this relationship, since he cared. Speaking of caring.. RIGHT NOW, he just told me he was out buying me a Christmas gift. Omg, I am so excited that he is gonna get me something! I am getting him something to, A LOT of stuff actually. But I just thought I'd mention that real quick. Let you know this relationship is still going, but just not as strong as it should be.

I don't think there isn't much wrong anymore.. But I am not confronting him about having a different view of what happened last week. Unless if I notice him EVER doing it again, which I don't think he would, at least I hope he wouldn't, I've been wrong before. But I think you're right, this whole ordeal HAS strengthened us to. I've noticed things haven't been all fun and exciting like they use to be. But it has made us two stronger. Which I'd prefer over "fun and exciting" anytime. Plus I think the "spark" between us two will come back over time.

Also, I know earlier in the third paragraph I mentioned this relationship is not as strong as I'd like. But in the fourth, I mentioned it being real strong. It is real strong! Just not how it should be. There are still moments when I am unsure about us two. So that's why it could always be stronger. Just thought I'd make that clear.

Another thing, you're probably wandering why I'd go up to him and tell him to go away as a joke. Our sense of humor is.. weird, especially mine, lol. But sometimes we just pretend we are mad at each other and I'll shout something stupid to him and he'll put his head down and act like he's all sad like what I just said hurt him. I guess telling him to go away, whenever he was spending time with me, was going a little to far. Even if I was joking

Anyways, thank you and please continue to help me out. If there is anything you feel that I need to know to work some stuff out, it'd be great. Thanks!

[FreeFall]

It sounds as if you two are heading to a good spot. I understand the strong thing. There's room, but with what there is, it works. Things can always be stronger or weaker, but in the present they can be perfect. It's pretty much about feeling and you can't really put a solid wall around that (:

If you ever need help or a listening ear, I'm usually here. My laptop may die time to time and real life may get in my way but I try to reply best I can and be there (:

Keep doing what you're doing, it seems to be working!

[TaylrJ]

Thank you.. Everything is going good now. I feel so happy too. I am so much nicer to him and I try to treat him so much better. Not because of what just happened, but I've noticed in the past (just rereading messages we've sent) I have been such a jerk to him. Like he would do the smallest thing and I would insult him.

I really hurt him one day, without even realizing it. I was explaining something to him but the way I said it made it sound like I hated whenever he hangs out with me. Then next thing I know he is texting back saying "I HATE MY LIFE, and I'm not even kidding" then said "Watch what happens", then put a gun and a sad face. I thought he was joking like he usually does. I asked him and he said "Idk" then I kept asking him what was wrong, still not realizing it was what I said. We were at school when texting this and it happened over two months ago..

There was another time, where I insulted him, so he insulted me back, and we did it over and over again. It was through text and we we're in the same classroom and we would smile and laugh at what we were saying to each other. But really, it hurt. He told me I had bad acne, I suck at everything, I'm a looser and told him he needs braces, he's short, and he looks like an idiot by what he wears. Then right after that I got real mad and started screaming at him because he hurt me by kicking me real hard.

Today, after I read all those messages I've sent him in the past, I cried. I thought so much stuff right then and wanted to text him telling him I loved him and how he means everything to me... It just would have been weird if I would've.

All this made me realize that I LOVE the way everything is right now. Idc how strong it is. It is back to normal and we aren't tossing around insults at each other anymore. All I show towards him is love and care and he shows the exact same thing back.. To be honest, I wasn't ever "sure" about this relationship in the past, ever. I always questioned if he really loved me and if I was his friend or not. Which is stupid, I am his friend, obviously. But still, I always doubted I was. Now, I know FOR SURE that we are best friends and I truly believe we always will be. Going back and reading those messages taught me to never be mean towards him, even if it is a joke because it hurts both of us.

He has changed me so much too. He is religious, and takes it very seriously. Which over the summer I also became religious. Just not how he was. He went to church every Wednesday and Sunday, didn't ever cuss, and all he showed towards others was kindness. He's taught me to be this way and now I do all these things. I even quit cussing. Not just because he did, but because I knew it was right. Now I take being a Christian very seriously and I was just recently baptized. I don't know if you believe or not, but I think God put him into my life for a reason. Not just to be my friend, but to change my life like he has been lately, if that makes sense. I've also changed him to. I am not going to mention how, since this post is already long enough, but I have.

I wanna be in a relationship with him, I even pray for it. But every time I do, I get this feeling that makes me think "We both aren't ready yet." Which is true, but I secretly think that once we are both truly the person god wants us to be, we will be ready. I also think me and him are going to be together very, very soon. I can just feel something between us now... Whenever we are together, I feel like me and him are compatible. I don't know.. Just anything I do in front of him, not matter how crazy or weird, it's OK. I can't explain in words this feeling I get, but I feels like I am his boyfriend.

Without him, I don't know what my life would be like, how I'd still be living, or if I'd even be happy. I love him and I love how he has changed my life. Thank you for continuing to help me out.