Sick of being overshadowed by my younger brother

[Overload]

(17,male)

I thought I could cope with it but I really can't. You don't have to read this if you don't want but I want just to get it off my chest.

Anyways my entire life I've never been real popular. Sure, my school was never one to bully so I didnt have any problems there. But now my little brother has started his freshman year in the same school that im in (im a junior). It's an absolute nightmare for me.

My brother is better at me that EVERYTHING. He's always surrounded by hordes of friends, everyone likes him and he's even better friends with most kids in my class than I am which REALLY pisses me off. He's also really good at sports and im terrible so i dont play sports and it really pissses me off when we walk past each other in the hallway and he's covered with sweat from his game and im not sweating at all cause i dont play sports or anything.

And his personality? He treats me like shit! He never talks to me (probly cause im not cool enough for him) unless he needs me to drive him somewhere cause he doesnt have his license yet while i do. Then Im too scared that he'll hate me even more if I say no so i just do whatever he says.

It pisses me off, in school I'm constantly trying to surround myself with people because I don't want him to see me by myself while he's ALWAYS talking to someone. I swear to god I think he even pays people just to have people surrounding him 24/7, thats how popular he is. Like the whole school eats in the same room so I usually eat in a classroom somewhere just so I can avoid him.

i hate it so much he makes me so upset with my life. I start thinking about how im nowhere near as good as him. Oh and yes, he gets amazing grades too.

Me? I'm not good at anything really. All I can really do is get good grades and try hard in school but in terms of social life, im pretty much f*cked. I have a few friends but im even afraid to hand around them since im scared my brother will see me with him and just think of me even lower.

As I said before the stuff in the hallway, whenever he passes me I do my best to try and look extra cool (straightening out my shirt, trying to walk confidently) but he just sort of smirks and doesnt say anything.

Ive talked to people about this and theyre all saying the same god damn thing. "Why do you care about this" and so on and forth. If your going to say that I should just ignore him and "why do you care what he says" then just leave. I'm not in the mood to be told that again.

Things have gotten really bad, it's only been 3 months but he's really unbearable to be around. To sum it up, he's basically a living reminder of how much I suck. No, I never took alcohol, drugs, cut myself, got beaten etc. My parents are no help, theyve got their own problems to worry about (theyre not abusive dont worry) its just that when my parents get involved in matters like this then they make a big deal over it etc.etc.

Im writing this because i was waiting outside a classroom waiting for class and then my brother and THREE kids in my class walked in the building and he was talking to them like he was their best friends or something. Those three kids in my class were all over him, while they BARELY talk to me. It mad eme so furious, seeing how popular he became in the school I just mad eit through the day and got on my computer and typed this.

Sorry if this was really long I hope you can post a helpful comment, i seriously dont know what to do im really considering just skipping 12th grade next year and just finishing up my school in the summer then start college.

anyways, thank you if you ended up reading this far, looking forward to your replies

[PinkFloyd]

Okay, I hope I can be of some help. Here goes: Okay, I think that when you see him in the hallway, you should not try to straiten out your shirt or anything like that. It tells him that youre one of those try hard kids that will do anything to impress anyone. As for him... Your little brother willl probably make a social mistake sometime this year thatll cause him to lose a god chunk of his friends. When this happens, you need to be there for him. That will be important. What im getting at is that his world could change really fast and if youre right there to help him, you will be the good guy that hell look up to. I dont know your brother, but he sounds like a douchebag. As a freshamn in highschool, i can say that there are a lot of those. Theyre difficult to have around. Oh, and you could probably use the him wanting you to drive him around thing as an atvantage. Charge him for gas. My friend's older brother does that and earns some extra cash.

I hope that all made sense and helped.
best of luck,
- Rob

[Lost in the Echo]

No, don't skip 12th grade because of something like this.
If you want to improve things in your life, then you have to quit concentrating so much on your brother, and concentrate on YOU.
You won't be successful at anything if you're busy being jealous of others.
Also, I don't know why popularity is so important, i've always stayed away from the popular crowd because most of them are assholes who think they're better than everyone, but most of the popular kids are failures in life after high school.

So, if you want to be successful in school, sports or whatever, you need to quit being jealous of your brother.
Just focus all of your attention on yourself, and I guarantee your life will start to improve.

Also, you're just boosting your brother's ego by being jealous of him, so just focus on yourself, and things will start to improve.

[Koffing]

It's better to be who you are then trying to be popular. Popular teens are mostly assholes, only caring about themselves... He who you are, don't pretend to be someone else ;)

And also you don't have to do anything what he tells you to. He will think he owns you then. (really like the fuel charge idea)

Cheers and the best of luck ;)

[GoldenSnitch]

Don't try to be better w
hen he is around. Try yo mention an embarrassing story when he walks by.

[Clawhammer]

I don't think that he's your main problem. One of them, yes, a relationship with a brother is a powerful thing when it's the good type. But I think the roots of that problem stem from problems you have with your own life, not his.
He's popular and everyone likes him, the picture of perfection. Or so people tend to think. The truth of it runs far deeper. Beneath the image that he piles on is nothing, because that is his life. His popularity depends on everyone around him. His value is based on superficial concerns. He thinks that such things make him a better person.

Look for more professional advice on the matter if you really want it, but that's his life, and you have your own. You are your own person. You have your own friends, and you don't have to be like him. Just because he's built up an image to show to the world doesn't mean that he's a better person or has a better life. Reality will catch up to him one day, and it'll hit him like a train. You have friends, and only a few. Who says you're supposed to be friends with everyone? You have some friends, and they're damn good ones who don't latch on to you because you're popular, but because they consider you a friend. You have your own way of living, you're a different person. Take your eyes off your brother and look inside, and find out what you want, and what you value. Half the work is answering those questions, but work at it.
If you want friends, first be a friend. Don't worry so much about the image. Just be who you are, and be a good person. No acting, no attention-seeking, no begging for acceptance as who you are and what you do.
Life is too short to worry about him.

[sieg]

embarass him. hard.

[CharlieFinley]

Things to do:
1. Don't drive him anywhere. Don't tell him you're upset at him or anything like that, just say you've better things to do. It doesn't matter if those "better things" are reading a book or whatever, just don't do what he tells you to.
2. If you don't like sports, don't be ashamed by that at all. I abhor sports. I teach martial arts, but approximately nobody at my school knows that. You know what I do? I dress well, and when someone asks me what sports I play, I give them my best Oscar Wilde impression, and tell them sports sound like a lot of work. I may later mention I teach a martial art, but there's nothing wrong with not playing a sport.
3. If you want to snark at him, I highly recommend it. Don't lie, or anything like that, but I'm sure there are moments of which he's not proud that he neglects to mention at school, like the time he threw up watching Silence of the Lambs. This brings me to
4. You're his older brother. If he ever tries to fight you, for whatever reason, it is your God-given duty to beat the tar out of him. If this means you have to fight dirty, well good for you. Fair fights are awful. If this means he has to eat a brick, then I guess he has to eat a brick. Just don't do any permanent damage.
5. What the hell is wrong with you? If you don't want to hang around with your friends because they're not cool enough to impress your brother, then you're not a very good friend to them, and I'm beginning to see why your brother has a better social life than you.
6. If your college has an ROTC, I strongly recommend you join it.
7. Under no circumstances should you buy him alcohol when you're old enough to drink and he is not.
8. Why the hell are you trying to "walk confidently" when your brother passes by? You should be doing that ALL THE TIME. Go to a drill meet. Try to always have that posture.
9. Don't dress like a slob.
10. It's entirely possible you're imagining a lot of this.

[Silent Sufferer]

it totally get what you meen about siblings overshadoing you. But for m its my older sister. shes older than me by 15 months, we got bored a vouple of years back and decided to count :) anyway this year wass her final year and teachers who hadnt taught me since year 8 were saying hows your siter doing hows she going qwith all of the stress with exams blah blah bllah and one time I turned to the teacher who had jjust asked me and I quote "how is your lovely sister doing?" My response what lovely sitser, Iwas thinking at the time mabout my oldest sister and going how the hell do oyu know her she never attended this shcool, my friend had to exolain that he was talking about my yongest older sister I felt pretty stipid. But because the teachers had always been comenting of your sister is my fav student are oyu going to be taking the same courses next year and I would just lok at them and go if I do its oz I like the subject but i am not my sister so dont expect the sme results. My frends have grown used to me being the true me at school because I dont really hold anything back if they d something that pisses me ff, only the teachers get the sugar coated version and thats somethimmes otherwise i am literally blending into the background :) mu friends call it my power if invisibility as i once stormed out of class and returned 20 min later and the teacher loked up and said ddi u justs go tto the toilet i was like sure lets go with that. Anyways what i was meanng to say was that just be u and people will reognise you unfortunately for being elated most of the time but they generally tend to say wow you arer nothing like your sibling, if this happens just tell them goo and i dont plan on being this is me deal or get over it Im not htem so piss off if u dont like it.
I asy this frim exoerience, ine of my sisters fav soirts teachers aways went come on "siblings name: u an do better than that, i frequenty would turn around and go wrong person Im not hte sporty sibling im the bookworm smile ad walk off. Good thing the teacher was so light hearted otherwie i would havebeen given soo many damn demerits :)

so to sum up, just be oyurrself and that is what people will recognise you for. Play to yourr strengths and peopel who are like minded will be drawn to you possibly even away from your brother.
ad my absolute final thing n this post is that my sister was the exact same as your broteher and i mean in everywya, and when her closest friend hd a faling out with her and her other friends were away i olayed the innocent younger sibling and would go and check on her and believe me I absolutely ahte being calledd cute and adorable which is what her friends did but it got pepople talking to her about how they wish their siblings would do somehting like that for them when in reality wen we were at home she would be trying to tear out mmy throat. so switch our roles around talk to him every now and againd or just ssay hi let him and his frineds kknow of you exitence and let them know that if thy turn on hi youll be there to protect him and pick him up when he falls, because thats the type of person that you are :P
hope this helps and sorry for all the spelling mistakes im typiing this in the dark and it is nnow 5 past 1 in the morning :) good luck

[FergusDunn]

Okay - I can see how you feel - and yeah I have 3 older brothers all straight A guys and I am not - they sail through exams and even now they are at uni I have some of the same teachers at school - who compare me to them -

But its not about compare is it - no its about having your own life as you are - not trying to change. I m in Scotland so I dont know anything about your education system - but skip and do college sounds a plane to me - maybes a fresh start with new people
would be good.

If you want friends or a crowd then you have to kinda be ready to join in with stuff and
away from class - sports is one way. Even if you dont really enjoy it - you are not doing it to be great at the sport or whatever could be a hobby or pasttime deal - you are doing it to build relationships and freindships.

Hope this helps in some way -

[dan8854]

That's real tough bro. I"m a huge believer that everyone has something they are gifted with and it might be just a case of you taking pride in that. Don't let your lil bro have that sort of control over you. Easier said than done right?

Take pride in you. You are obviously good at expressing yourself in writing. Capitalize on that. And find other things you are good at!

[Stronk Serb]

Do not drive him to school, you are not his driver, you are his brother. If he is a douche, he does not deserve the courtesy that you own a car and drive yourself to school, and him along with you. Try to straighten it out, if he complains and attacks you, make him eat a brick, and kick his ass, that is what I always to to my little brother when he gets out of line (a few slaps always do it, no need for more). Always walk confidently, and you do not have to be good at sports (my little brother is, but I am not). If he starts to piss at you at school in front of everyone, remind him who is the big brother and who is the little brother (kick his ass). Do not embarrass him in front of everyone. If your parents complain, tell them that your little brother is an ass, and he does not deserve the courtesy of being driven to school until he stops being an ass.

[Stronk Serb]

Things to do:
1. Don't drive him anywhere. Don't tell him you're upset at him or anything like that, just say you've better things to do. It doesn't matter if those "better things" are reading a book or whatever, just don't do what he tells you to.
2. If you don't like sports, don't be ashamed by that at all. I abhor sports. I teach martial arts, but approximately nobody at my school knows that. You know what I do? I dress well, and when someone asks me what sports I play, I give them my best Oscar Wilde impression, and tell them sports sound like a lot of work. I may later mention I teach a martial art, but there's nothing wrong with not playing a sport.
3. If you want to snark at him, I highly recommend it. Don't lie, or anything like that, but I'm sure there are moments of which he's not proud that he neglects to mention at school, like the time he threw up watching Silence of the Lambs. This brings me to
4. You're his older brother. If he ever tries to fight you, for whatever reason, it is your God-given duty to beat the tar out of him. If this means you have to fight dirty, well good for you. Fair fights are awful. If this means he has to eat a brick, then I guess he has to eat a brick. Just don't do any permanent damage.
5. What the hell is wrong with you? If you don't want to hang around with your friends because they're not cool enough to impress your brother, then you're not a very good friend to them, and I'm beginning to see why your brother has a better social life than you.
6. If your college has an ROTC, I strongly recommend you join it.
7. Under no circumstances should you buy him alcohol when you're old enough to drink and he is not.
8. Why the hell are you trying to "walk confidently" when your brother passes by? You should be doing that ALL THE TIME. Go to a drill meet. Try to always have that posture.
9. Don't dress like a slob.
10. It's entirely possible you're imagining a lot of this.
I think the OP meant that his brother has already impressed OP's friends and that they are leaving the OP. I think his friends do not want to hang out with him.

[Skyhawk]

There's no other way to explain this: Show him who's boss.

From my understanding, you're trying to be your brother and he finds it amusing that you try so hard. Frankly, I find it a little amusing too. Don't be scared of him, it only makes him a bigger jerk and boosts his ego.

Embarrassing him sounds like something I would do. Hehe ;)