Mynick
December 6th, 2012, 05:21 PM
Hello before reading i shall warning you that English is not my first language and that this may be a long thread.
PS: I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this, if it's not please feel free to move it and i apologize in advance.
Okay first things first, i have two personalities, one when i'm with friends and other with people i just met and my family.
I live with my mom, but i can't show her feelings. I talk to her like she's a complete strange, i dont smile, i dont say things like 'Love you mom' and i see myself being nice only when i want something. I hate my father i dont want to talk to much of him, but i see him every weekend and he always talk shit about mum and that really upsets me, even thought i'm not nice to her.
When i'm with my friends i'm what you could said normal. I tell jokes, laugh, speak freely and stuff. But now we get to one of the problems, i can only do this with two of them, cause they are the only ones i trust. I explain, they know i self harm, they both self-harm too (not on daily basis) therefore i trust them, they dont look at my and think i'm crazy for doing it they just accept me.
When i'm with the rest of my so call friends, i do normal things but i can not trust them, special the girls, they talk about me im my back and when they laughing i think i'm the joke. I dont have a close friendship with none of them nor i want to. I prefer to be alone, for instance they go to the disco/cinema/get drunk i dont go with them (even if my 2 friends i trust go too).
As you may already notice i cant handle well feelings, when im going to school i always think people are judgim me, and think that i'm aewfull, and that leads me to self-harm and dont interage with new people or people at all.
I just bottle my feelings, i dont like to show them and when im in public places/talk in public fear and shame just strike so bad, that i need to cut right there.
I just hate when they are all looking at me...
So am i a lost cause? :S
PS: I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this, if it's not please feel free to move it and i apologize in advance.
Okay first things first, i have two personalities, one when i'm with friends and other with people i just met and my family.
I live with my mom, but i can't show her feelings. I talk to her like she's a complete strange, i dont smile, i dont say things like 'Love you mom' and i see myself being nice only when i want something. I hate my father i dont want to talk to much of him, but i see him every weekend and he always talk shit about mum and that really upsets me, even thought i'm not nice to her.
When i'm with my friends i'm what you could said normal. I tell jokes, laugh, speak freely and stuff. But now we get to one of the problems, i can only do this with two of them, cause they are the only ones i trust. I explain, they know i self harm, they both self-harm too (not on daily basis) therefore i trust them, they dont look at my and think i'm crazy for doing it they just accept me.
When i'm with the rest of my so call friends, i do normal things but i can not trust them, special the girls, they talk about me im my back and when they laughing i think i'm the joke. I dont have a close friendship with none of them nor i want to. I prefer to be alone, for instance they go to the disco/cinema/get drunk i dont go with them (even if my 2 friends i trust go too).
As you may already notice i cant handle well feelings, when im going to school i always think people are judgim me, and think that i'm aewfull, and that leads me to self-harm and dont interage with new people or people at all.
I just bottle my feelings, i dont like to show them and when im in public places/talk in public fear and shame just strike so bad, that i need to cut right there.
I just hate when they are all looking at me...
So am i a lost cause? :S