Log in

View Full Version : The sead inside me


PrimedPenguin
December 3rd, 2012, 11:57 PM
I wrote this yesterday tell me what you think.
Mind the title my stupid phone decided seed was not a word lol.

She was evil and hate, everything I'm becoming. Though I was made inside her and shared her blood I was not like her. I was once innocent and new until he fled and felt me good as dead. She torments and attacks me filling me with her hate. Her voice plays in my head like a loud unstoppable binging. Her eyes like fire and mouth like satans. She throws down words of hate,pain and sorrow upon me that burned like acid. Her soul condemned by God, black as eyes. I see her everyday in fact I rely on her. I depend upon Lucifers assistant the lady of hate and sadness. She strikes me down with her words and hands while I try to get up. I'm afraid to get up and defend myself in fear of her rage. Everyday I feel more like her, black and full of anger and stress. He was once with her he was the God of pain and wrath. His hands served as weapons my body as the target. He forever changed me and planted his vile wrath within me. It grows everyday getting closer to blossoming and reproducing. It has already sprouted in me, I'm under it's will.though he is now gone and has left I can feel him inside me eating me away. He planted it, she nurtures and feeds it.

Inventor2
December 4th, 2012, 08:49 PM
I liked it. My favorite sentence was "her voice plays in my head like a loud unstopable begining".
Btw i was a little confused with "he", you should state who the "he" is. It got a little mind bending when you whent back and forth btwn them

PrimedPenguin
December 4th, 2012, 09:40 PM
Thank you for the feedback. The he represents my stepped who was very abusive.

Texas warrior
December 6th, 2012, 01:42 PM
Very nice, I would have liked it more if it rhymed.

PrimedPenguin
December 6th, 2012, 05:41 PM
Very nice, I would have liked it more if it rhymed.

Ya I don't rhyme it's not my style.

Breakeven
December 6th, 2012, 06:12 PM
nice :) ur pretty good :D