f#@ked up

[jacksonthelan]

hey guys i dont know if this goes here if not please move it.

i was just told by my girl friend that she has cheated on me with her ex boy friend, they had sex.

i dont know what to do, i want to beat the shit out of the guy and dump her but i dont want to loose her, she has been the best and i dont know what would you do?

any reply will help thanks jackson:(:mad:

[Hunter_Steel]

Look towards what you really want.

Don't think, my motto is to listen to your heart. Because it will make rational decisions. By all means, beat the guy. I'd do the same thing and would like to find out why she cheated on me first. Because that means that something went wrong in your relationship for her to cheat on you.

But you must also consider that she took a step forward knowing the consequences and told you what happened. So she still has feelings for you and wanted you to know about it because a relationship is about being truthful. See what you can do about this first, but calm down otherwise you will say things that you will later regret.

I don't know what else you could do. Just my advice to you would be to first see why, how it happened and what you could've done in the relationship to stop this from happening. Or it could turn out he forced her into it. Could be either.

~Hunter

[FreeFall]

1) The heart is not always rational, you cannot walk blindly in a place like this anymore. Firstly, if you want to make this work, you've got to forgive her. And you've got to forgive her ex. Forgive them for yourself, not their sake. By forgiving her you can, and ONLY THEN, work on the relationship.
If you held a grudge, held into your anger and hurt, you'd make no progress and you may leave her or make her leave you because of it.

You need to get to a point where you can trust her. You may never trust blindly again, and with what she's done you'd be a fool to think that you could. Trust her enough to know where there are signs she may be cheating again. Trust her, but don't let it be a blind trust. Trust her enough you will not resent her or make her resent you.

2) Cheating doesn't always mean something is wrong in the relationship. Don't start blaming yourself and looking for how it was your fault. From what little detail you've given us and that you want to work it out, you are a victim.
Understand, you're the victim and not the problem. If you begin to blame yourself, she will resent you. You will be making her feel guilty, make her feel like she'll never be good enough for you again.
You're only the victim.

I was cheated on. I'm a good girlfriend. I don't play, I don't stray and I took care of that boy like a loving woman would. He cheated simply because he's an ass and the girl had bigger boobs than me. Nothing was wrong in the relationship, just something was wrong with him.

Of course if you come back with more info like you were ignoring her or actively being a bad boyfriend I may take back what I said to balance it.

There's no excuse for cheating, only understanding. You could've been beating the crap out of her and she'd still have no excuse to have cheated, it'd be understandable but not excused when she could have simply left and found protection for herself.

Ask her why. It's an ex, so you may hear she missed the sex, she missed how he made her feel, blah blah and work from there. Tell her how you feel. Both of you have no choice but to be 100% honest and open from this point on.
If you're not completely open and honest to each other, you can give up right now because there's no other way to work around this. Don't sweep it under the rug or say water under the bridge, that won't fix anything and you may cheat out of spite and if she doesn't sweep it under the rug, well then here comes a battle.
You two MUST address this problem, and work TOGETHER. Not you work on you or her work on her, you both are a team and if you want to stay a team you must put in equal effort with each other for each other.

[Stronk Serb]

Cut off the guy's balls and force feed them to him... Joking! I would kick the life out of him, and dump her, it happened once, might happen again, think with your brain, not your heart, use common sense, go and talk to her, see what she has to say and talk about it, then make your decision using common sense.

[Ryhanna]

If you don't want to lose her, then you have to forgive her. You obviously can't dump her and beat the shit out of this other guy. Tell her that you forgive her, and him, too.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you forget, however. Don't forget what she's done, because if she's done it once, she might do it again. Share your concerns with her, and let her know that you're worried it'll happen again. Keep an eye on her. Having said that, regaining a sense of trust is important, too. Being concerned that she might cheat on you again is understandable, but relationships thrive on trust. You have to learn to trust her not to cheat on you again. You need to have faith that she cares about you enough not to hurt you.

[Clawhammer]

If she's done it once, she can do it again all the easier. But do remember that she at least had the decency to tell you. That must mean she has some sort of respect for you still. You could forgive her, and she may make good use of her second chance, but you are still well within your rights to leave. Don't beat the guy up, you'll just bring yourself down to their level and it will only stir up more dust and make even more of a mess than there already is.

Only you can choose, but I'll tell you how. If you leave her, walk away quietly, and keep your head and your dignity. Trust me, it will be so much easier that way.
If you choose to stick with her, you have to genuinely trust her and forgive her. This will take time, and it'll be hard, but if it comes up again or you use it against her in any way, it'll all be blown straight to hell. Either way, keep your composure. Good luck.

[jacksonthelan]

alright thanks for the advise and if you wanted more info here it is,

she told me that she cheated on me the day after we started dating and she was upset and not thinking about what she was doing, she had a fight with her mum about being sexually active and she walked out, she went to her ex and he comforted her and she forced her self onto him and they had sex, its been 2 and a half months since and she told me last night, i knew she has had sex with him before which i was told different last night and when she cheated on me was the first time they had sex :/

[GoldenSnitch]

She DID tell you about so I assume she still has feelings on you. Try to forgive her. Still be mad at the guy though

[jacksonthelan]

thanks guys, me and her are on a "break" while i try and short shit out thanks for the help and advice

[FreeFall]

Good, good, very good! Having space while you sort out feelings, and her too, gives a good berth for any unhappy feelings to avoid hitting each other too easily. Keep up with that, you're on the right path (:

[DerBear]

Well, I know I am a little late and I've read all your update.

However, honestly, cheating is something that is hard to forgive and possible to forget. I'd suggest thinking if you can ever fully trust her again because a relationship needs complete trust.

Just something to think about.