losing control.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Uhm, this might be triggering...

I want to cut up my arm so bad that I don't care what happens to me. I don't care any more I want to end. I want everything back how it used to be. I can't keep doing this. I want it to stop. I want everything to go away...

I just want to be happy.

Right now cutting = happiness.

[StopStaring]

I get that. Because only three people know about me cutting, i have to act different to hide it. I feel split in to two and sometimes i feel it would be easier and less stressful to just end it - but i have a good technique. It sounds cheesy and doesn't work for every one but every night write down 10 good thing that happened that day, it could be anything from a roof over your head or praise at school or work.
Hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

It does help knowing that I'm not alone. Thank you

I'll try that technique and see how it goes... doubt it will work though...

[Conqueror of Hearts]

If you want everything like it used to be then i think you shoul find the old you and make a new one similar to the old you just stronger and better because you are now surviving this mess. There are always people ready to help you even though you are maybe scared to tell them you are a self harmer. If they love you they will do anything to help you. First I think you shoul do what StopStaring suggested because even if that doesnt work out at the beginning after some time you will see there are still good things and maybe you will want more to experience those good things and you'll maybe notice how it would be easy after some time to write 10 good things or even more. If you believe in yourself and if you are ready to work hard to get yourself out of this then you should do it. There are many ways and niether is easy but just because it is hard that doesn't mean you should give up.

[Mynick]

I understand how you feel. You want to be back to the times where you don't have a lot of problems, when you did not leave with the stress of just you daily life, i get it. Try doing Peopledocare said, find a new you similar to the old you but this 'new you' will have all your experience from what you have faced.
As for cutting your arm, if you have a friend that knows about your self-harm just hug him/her, for me it really helps.

Sorry for the bad grammar.