Dreading new year..

[Love.Hate]

Some of you will know my story, some wont. Quick update: last new year i was raped by one of my 'friends' when i was very drunk and im still pretty emotionally screwed up because of it.

I am just doing this post as i need your advice. So this new year will be exactly a year on, i still havent spoken to a counsellor or anything about it as i dont feel comfortable doing so. Im just terrified that it will hit me, all come back.. im doing so well, hardly cutting, eating fairly normally.. i just have this awful feeling im going to go downhill again because of it. I still have depression, but i've had that for years now.. not sure whether going back on anti depressents is a good idea or not humm.. however thats beside the point.

How do i avoid a complete breakdown?

4am new year is actually going to kill me... i cant believe how terrifed i am. Why am i so scared of that date.. that time. The house is going to be silent and everyone will be asleep by then so i cant stay up and keep myself busy.. my mind is all over the place

[Mortal Coil]

First of all, I'd like to tell you again how sorry I am that you have had to deal with this. It's truly horrible. And the first anniversary is always the worst.

The way I deal with rape anniversaries are:
Sleep as much as you can,
Maybe spend the night somewhere else? Or if there happen to be films showing early in the morning (idk what the theaters are like there) then you can go there around 4am.
Try to make sure that things you could hurt yourself with (pills, blades, lighters, booze etc.) are out of reach.
Take a long, hot shower (or a cold one if that's what you're into.)
Light some incense.
I cannot stress this one enough: stay sober. If you get drunk on the anniversary, it could be a huge trigger and hangovers are hell anyways.

Most importantly, I hope that you get through it and keep in mind that you have the full support of me and hopefully many others on VT. Message me if you ever need anything. :hug:

[Love.Hate]

Thankyou for your advice sweetheart, I'll be taking it all on board. :hug:

I think the only thing I'm going to struggle to stay away from is alcohol, As it's new year and everyone will be drinking.. I just have this awful sense that something bad is going to happen and im scared. I guess it's just paranoia but you know :/

I don't know how I'm supposed to get over this.. Or wether it's something that I can't get over and just have to deal with. I can tell I'm overly worried as I keep having flashbacks and nightmares about it...

Ugh I'm fed up of what ge did taking over my life, ruling my head :(

[its.me.akshay]

Am really sorry that one of your friends did this to you... Heartless guys... Dont know how to be with friends... You should have complained about that by now... But thats late... So lets seek the remedies here....
Try ta stay away from him.. The more far.. The better..
Try to be in company of trustable friends... Those whod fight for you
and be far from alcoholic stuffs... They could get u wired to something like the previous one again...
Have a nice looong sleep... Before the sleep spray some rose flavored room spray.. That ought to keep bad memories away...
Think that nothing happened last year... And ure fear may reduce a bit...
Tell that to your friends... That will relax you if you have mental depression...
Moreover stay calm and cool if he stops by... Just say a hello and be as far as you can from him... New years a day to enjoy... And old memories... Forget them on this day... Cause there's a new year waiting for you.. And you dont know what theyre going to be offering for you!! Bubye!! Take care!!

[Rascaldog24]

This will sound stupid but... Forget a bout it. Stay sober don'nt have many people over.

[Texas warrior]

Sleep for the whole day, if that day reminds you of what happened skip that day.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Im so sorry for what happened to you, keep ur head up . My advice is to spend this new year with your friends somewhere where youll feel safe. You should create new memories and maybe next ny youll remember this one as one of the best celebrations.staying whole day in bed may just make you more depressed, better spend time with your friend to distract you even for a while. Take care xx

[Love.Hate]

Am really sorry that one of your friends did this to you... Heartless guys... Dont know how to be with friends... You should have complained about that by now... But thats late... So lets seek the remedies here....
Try ta stay away from him.. The more far.. The better..
Try to be in company of trustable friends... Those whod fight for you
and be far from alcoholic stuffs... They could get u wired to something like the previous one again...
Have a nice looong sleep... Before the sleep spray some rose flavored room spray.. That ought to keep bad memories away...
Think that nothing happened last year... And ure fear may reduce a bit...
Tell that to your friends... That will relax you if you have mental depression...
Moreover stay calm and cool if he stops by... Just say a hello and be as far as you can from him... New years a day to enjoy... And old memories... Forget them on this day... Cause there's a new year waiting for you.. And you dont know what theyre going to be offering for you!! Bubye!! Take care!!

thankyou ever so much :) i really appreciate this. I think just trying to make it a normal happy family evening will help me take my mind off it... might ask work if they can put me on shift that evening too.

This will sound stupid but... Forget a bout it. Stay sober don'nt have many people over.

Sleep for the whole day, if that day reminds you of what happened skip that day.

I really wish it was that easy, but thanks for the suggestions guys

Im so sorry for what happened to you, keep ur head up . My advice is to spend this new year with your friends somewhere where youll feel safe. You should create new memories and maybe next ny youll remember this one as one of the best celebrations.staying whole day in bed may just make you more depressed, better spend time with your friend to distract you even for a while. Take care xx

<3

that is so true about the memories, im gonna just try and push through it.. i appreciate you taking the thime to reply, much love :)

[lukey1994]

u could keep yourself busy. This could be pleasurable activities such as meeting up with friends. Some people prefer to keep their brains busy on difficult days - if this is you then it is wise to make sure that you have plenty planned for this day.

you may want to spend the day make sure it is a day that is nice for you. Whether you want to spend the day in bed, in the bath, taking walks, shopping, on-line, eating ice cream or with friends is up to you, as long as you are doing something you enjoy!

stay positive!

[Fiction]

My advice is to try not to think about it too much. I know that seems like such stupid cop out advice, but what I mean is if you keep thinking about how bad that time and date is going to be, it'll become a self fulfilling prophecy.

That's what i've found about dates and things that are triggering. It's not so much the date and time, it's the build up that makes it difficult.

You say you can't distrct yourself but there are things you can do, like be on here or read a book or play some kind of game. Something that will keep you occupied.

Also, Merry Christmas Fran :)

[Jupiter]

I think that Alex and Kathy have some of the best posts here. Just try to keep yourself sober, and maybe even try fall asleep after the new year. Try to stay sober, spend the day with your family. Babe, you know that you can stay strong. Some people don't understand that you can't just "forget" simple parts of these major events in your life. I really love you, Franny and I think that you can stay sober all night and remember that just because it's a new year doesn't mean you have to get drunk. I know that for some reason people associate the two with each other, but think about this. Do you want to say hello to the new year with you being drunk?



Okay you might. But that's not the point. Stay strong, sober, clean, whatever. Just think happy thoughts, listen to music. But remember that the day and time is just another day and time. Sure you've had a rough new year at four am once, but think about the other times that you haven't had that bad time at the beginning of a new year. Fran, I love you and I know you're stronger.

[Love.Hate]

So much love for you guys right now, i reallly really appreciate it. Im justtelling myself over and over, its just a date, another day, doesnt mean anything is different. Im no more vulnerable than before or whatever, its just hard you know.

Right sober.. thats one i'll be working on. But i have planned this one, so im around my family, i cant go away and do anything stupid and they'll keep me under control ish. I shall no doubt be keeping away from clocks after midnight so its not plaguing my mind so much and music/writing/angry birds planned.

:hug:

i really appreciate all of your comments and support, it honestly means the world right now

[Tylermx27]

So much love for you guys right now, i reallly really appreciate it. Im justtelling myself over and over, its just a date, another day, doesnt mean anything is different. Im no more vulnerable than before or whatever, its just hard you know.

Right sober.. thats one i'll be working on. But i have planned this one, so im around my family, i cant go away and do anything stupid and they'll keep me under control ish. I shall no doubt be keeping away from clocks after midnight so its not plaguing my mind so much and music/writing/angry birds planned.

:hug:

i really appreciate all of your comments and support, it honestly means the world right now

May I ask how your new year started?:) hopefully great! Look up there's someone behind those clouds his names God He's there even though you can't see him just talk to him hell hel you cope he always helps me and he is only doing it to stop bad habits got has a plan so talk to him and straighten your life up get good grades go to college and show them that wat happend to you as a kid didnt stop you from lving the American dream happy new year💋

[Love.Hate]

May I ask how your new year started?:) hopefully great! Look up there's someone behind those clouds his names God He's there even though you can't see him just talk to him hell hel you cope he always helps me and he is only doing it to stop bad habits got has a plan so talk to him and straighten your life up get good grades go to college and show them that wat happend to you as a kid didnt stop you from lving the American dream happy new year��

It was alright, until the nightime i had a rather pleasant evening thankyou for asking. I am not religious, but thankyou for your kind words. Lol the english dream more like.. but yeah.

Happy new year my dear

[Steve Jobs]

Hey Fran! I don't believe we've really talked, nor do I really feel fit to really be giving advice. All I can say, your friend's taken what he/she has taken, and don't let them take away the rest of your life! Live strong, I'm sure you can find support from other friends as you go through the phase of finding people you trust.

I don't really know your past, but you shouldn't let yourself decay from the actions of someone else. Are you really going to let someone worthless as that destroy your dreams and aspirations? I know it's harder than it seems, but you do have to press on.

Good to hear your new year went by reasonably well. And a big :hug3:, you probably need it! I'm here if you ever need to talk :)

[AuthorX303720]

Hey! I am on the same boat as you. I was raped not by a friend (you can escape friends) but I was raped by my cousion whose stepfather is a police officer. Captain actually. And I am quite frigented by him 6 years after the incident happened. I suggest go talking to a counclesour because thats what I did. I was quite frighented and sucidal (yes a 7 year old can be suicdal) but through my ordeal I learned to forgive. But that dosen't mean you have to forgive your "friend" But in this new year you need to try to forget it alittle bit but not completly forget it. Got it? I am sorry if this is no help to you but, you know someone is there for you.�� -Sid (PS if you need some help just pm or message me :D )

[Love.Hate]

Hey Fran! I don't believe we've really talked, nor do I really feel fit to really be giving advice. All I can say, your friend's taken what he/she has taken, and don't let them take away the rest of your life! Live strong, I'm sure you can find support from other friends as you go through the phase of finding people you trust.

I don't really know your past, but you shouldn't let yourself decay from the actions of someone else. Are you really going to let someone worthless as that destroy your dreams and aspirations? I know it's harder than it seems, but you do have to press on.

Good to hear your new year went by reasonably well. And a big :hug3:, you probably need it! I'm here if you ever need to talk :)

:hug: :heart:

you're lovely and I want to cuddle you. Thank you ever so much, it does mean a lot to me.. <3 Im not going to let him fuck up my life because im stronger than he'll ever be. Just need to remind myself of that regularly.

Hey! I am on the same boat as you. I was raped not by a friend (you can escape friends) but I was raped by my cousion whose stepfather is a police officer. Captain actually. And I am quite frigented by him 6 years after the incident happened. I suggest go talking to a counclesour because thats what I did. I was quite frighented and sucidal (yes a 7 year old can be suicdal) but through my ordeal I learned to forgive. But that dosen't mean you have to forgive your "friend" But in this new year you need to try to forget it alittle bit but not completly forget it. Got it? I am sorry if this is no help to you but, you know someone is there for you.�� -Sid (PS if you need some help just pm or message me :D )

Sorry to hear you've had a tough time too! I cant really compare all that well as you were such a young age, however I am here if you want to talk too! New year, new start :3 I am going to sort out talking to a counsellor... I've put it off for so long I think its about time I did :p

Thanks for your reply :)

[Steve Jobs]

:hug: :heart:

you're lovely and I want to cuddle you. Thank you ever so much, it does mean a lot to me.. <3 Im not going to let him fuck up my life because im stronger than he'll ever be. Just need to remind myself of that regularly.



Thanks for your reply :)
:hug3:

[dontfiguremeout]

I'm extremely sorry for what you had to go through! If you don't really feel like going to talk about what happened, have you ever thought of doing something artistic?! Like painting, writing poetry, dancing?! What usually helps me take all the bad stuff away is I will express how I feel through any of these, and I have the choice to either share them or not, but at least they are out of me!

[Love.Hate]

I'm extremely sorry for what you had to go through! If you don't really feel like going to talk about what happened, have you ever thought of doing something artistic?! Like painting, writing poetry, dancing?! What usually helps me take all the bad stuff away is I will express how I feel through any of these, and I have the choice to either share them or not, but at least they are out of me!

Cant paint for toffee :P lol!

You're right, funnily enough I do actually do a lot of writing, and I've been a dancer for years and years.. it does help a lot to keep my mind off things, you know? Probably should do it more often

thankyou for your reply :)

[candabear17]

I do the same exact thing. I get all worked up about the anniversary of the date I was raped but in reality, I'm using it as an excuse to let myself go down hill. It lets me stay a victim which is a lot easier than trying to recover. When you try to do well for so long, you get exhausted. It's fine. I'm not saying that you do the same thing I do but it doesn't hurt to mention it. If you think you may do the seem thing, feel free to message me :) It always helps to talk to someone who understands. You should get help anyways though. I only recently let it hit me that I can't do it alone. I don't think anyone can. Holding it in doesn't make you stronger or braver; getting help and continuing your life does. Don't let yourself be a victim anymore.