i cheated

[confid3ntial]

Me and my gf have been together for a year and 7 months but for a while we had no way to talk because we live in different states and during that time I was talking to another girl but just as friends and she started to like me and asked me out and I thought I would never have a chance to talk to my gf again so I thought about and said yes but I didn't like her and i know I fucked up but I broke up with her and I don't want to hide this from my real gf but how do I tell her? I know she'll hate me and won't ever talk to me when I tell her but I don't want it to be hard on her because I care about her and I love her but I know its hard to believe because of what I did :( I need advice on what to do and how to keep her if its possible

[Lost in the Echo]

Well I think you should be honest and tell her.

Just tell her that you really love her, but you thought that you wouldn't be able to see her again, so you had a relationship with this other girl because of that, but now you've broke up with her, because you still love her ( your longtime gf ).

If you just explain your reasoning for why you did what you did, then she should understand :)
It definitely seems like you love her, so she should show you the same amount of love in return, and understand why you were with this other girl for a little while.

Good luck, I hope everything turns out to be great for you :)

[FreeFall]

You tell her.

A relationship is open communication. No secrets, just complete transparency.
You fucked up. Don't fuck up even more by hiding it from her.

Imagine if you you weren't long distance. Imagine if you did some things and you get an STD, let's go with syphilis. You don't know you have it, you feel funny but you blow it off. You do somethings with your gf, having cheated, and pass the disease to her. You find out you have an STD. You're worried you gave it to your gf. You're freaking out, she's getting funny too. She's freaking out, how oh how did she get syphilis when she's only ever been with you? Oh, hm. You lied, you cheated and you've given her a disease. Had you told her she'd had been able to get herself checked, weigh her feelings towards you and wheter she wants to work on the relationship or not. But because you hid like a coward, she's pissed, hurt and surprised by the STD. There'd be no chance of working through and now she has to catch the disease she wasn't given the time to find out about to save what she can.

This is the same thing, even without the STD. Save what you can. Maybe long distance isn't for you, you're probably too immature to handle it.

But at least have the deceny, maturity and respect for your girlfriend to tell her what the guy she's calling her boyfriend has done.

[ReginaGeorge]

If you didn't want it to be hard on her, you shouldn't have cheated in the first place.

You just need to tell her. Tell her you care about her, and tell her nice things, and just tell her exactly what happened, but do not, DO NOT, try to justify it with "I thought I'd never talk to you again", or "she really liked me", etc because it's your own fault and you have to take sole responsibility for it. If she wants space, give her space, if she wants a break, give her a break, if she wants you to never talk to this girl again, don't etc. After you tell her, it will be up to her what happens next, and you have to respect her choice. Don't tell her it was an accident, tell her it was a mistake, and it won't ever happen again. Don't go into detail about the other girl, keep it brief. Answer her questions if she asks any. Since you technically broke the contract of your relationship, it's her choice now.

If she stays with you, you are lucky. Don't fuck up again. She's going to be really hurt.

[confid3ntial]

Might as well just break up since that's obviously what's gonna happen :( I'm an absolute idiot!!

[ReginaGeorge]

Might as well just break up since that's obviously what's gonna happen :( I'm an absolute idiot!!

No, you don't get to decide what happens next. She does. Be mature and tell her.

[confid3ntial]

What if I just keep it to myself? I don't want to be an asshole but I want to stay with her and I know you guys are going to say "if you really want her then you wouldn't have cheated" I was stupid I know. She knows I'd never lie or hurt her in anyway but I really don't want to hurt her :( she has never done anything bad, I'm the one that always fucks up but she stays with me and I've asked her why she deals with all the pain I cause her and she ways says "because I love you" I never thought I'd fuck up this bad.

[confid3ntial]

Sorry for the bad spelling, I'm on my phone

[ReginaGeorge]

Because you want to stay with her, you need to tell her. Relationships need communication. Without it, you might as well give out while you're at it. She deserves to know. You were in an agreement (relationship) and you broke it (cheated), so you need to tell her that.

[confid3ntial]

I'll be lucky if she says anything to me when I tell her :/ I'm soo fucked :( I'm going to respect her choice though, if she wants to move on then that's one less person who helps me when I need advice and my only source of happiness :(

[ReginaGeorge]

I'll be lucky if she says anything to me when I tell her :/ I'm soo fucked :( I'm going to respect her choice though, if she wants to move on then that's one less person who helps me when I need advice and my only source of happiness :(


If you didn't want to give those things up, you shouldn't have cheated.

[confid3ntial]

I didn't know I was gonna be able to talk to her again, we didn't talk for 8 months and I was only with that girl for a week and the moment I told her to fuck off I stopped talking to her, honestly I don't even remember her name or what she looks like ok? I know I fucked up but don't be so hard on me please? I know I deserve it too but just thinking about it rips me apart :/

[ReginaGeorge]

Cheating is a big deal, man. Stop trying to justify it, it doesn't matter if you guys weren't talking, it doesn't matter if you were with the other girl for a day or a year. Stop.

Read through the answers and figure out how to tell her. I'm not going to have an argument on morals with you.

[confid3ntial]

I'm about to tell her :( I know this is going to turn out bad v.v

[ReginaGeorge]

Good luck, man.

[confid3ntial]

I don't think I can do it :(

[ReginaGeorge]

You can. The longer you wait, the harder it will be and the more guilt you will feel. Getting it out now will be better for both of you.

[confid3ntial]

I don't want to lose her though :(

[Brook]

Tell her. and live with the results of your actions.
Say your sorry. But dont expect forgivness or another chance.
if you get one good dont fuck it up

[confid3ntial]

I'm too scared :( I don't want to hurt her this bad :/ she doesn't deserve it :(

[FreeFall]

I'm too scared :( I don't want to hurt her this bad :/ she doesn't deserve it :(
I'm here to crash your pity party.

I didn't want to hurt her. Waaah! I didn't know I wouldn't see her again waaah! So instead of being mature in a long distance relationship I cheated! Waaah! Exactly, what did you think was going to happen when contact resumed? If you care so damn much you would've stayed faithful, you would've been mature enough to handle radio silence, you would've been smart enough to figure out that that's a deal from being long distance.

That poor girl. Her boyfriend seems rather selfish, immature, a coward and doesn't have respect for her. You know why I say that? You're trying to justify your actions. You're trying to turn yourself into a good guy. You're trying to convince yourself you didn't do wrong, and you're attempting to gain sympathy and pity points by freaking out.

She's not a fucking object. You don't get to decide if you lose her or not, especially because you cheated. You don't want to lose her? Then you GIVE HER the chance to figure it out! Hiding it builds resentment, frustration and anger. In other words, the longer you wait the worse the outcome will be.

And you'll really hurt her, not because you cheated, but because you'll be showing her you don't respect her, you see her as an object and she's not worthy enough of your honesty.

So you didn't speak to her for 8 months? You know what, this is long distance.
You may not see her for months.
You may not hear from her for long.
That's part of being long distance! What do you think SHE was thinking? That maybe her "Boyfriend" would be mature and keep thinking about her and not assume they were done and go hook up with the first girl to throw herself at him? That he'd have trust in the LONG DISTANCE relationship? What were you expecting once contact resumed? Or did you not think that far because you're not mature enough to handle it and be a big boy and own up to your actions?

You have no right to decide wheter she knows or not. Don't rob her, or the relationship of a chance of being stronger or actually working out.

She needs to know. Again, be mature, stop being so selfish and man up.

[Texas warrior]

Just tell her that you thought that you the two of you were apart, because you could not talk with one another.