Log in

View Full Version : My new song XD

Heavyrain4life
November 28th, 2012, 12:10 PM
This is my first attempt at songwriting. Like, ever. So, enjoy, leave feedback, compliments, hate mail, whatever.

Every day the same old thing,
I couldn't laugh, I could not think.
Everything I touched just went to shit,
with no such thing as a relationship.

Nothing but lust, nothing but hate,
half the time I didn't know the date.
I was a husk, just an empty shell.
Til I met you, I was lost in hell.

(Chorus)
You saved my life, gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you, would be treason.
Nothing here can express my love,
from the ground below to the stars above.

(End chorus)
I lost my way, fell off my path,
but now you're here to guide me back.
You're a beautiful gem, shining in the dark.
Our only flaw is we're so far apart...

I never thought it could be true,
that I'd ever fall for you.
I write these words just to let it out,
now I can't live without...

(Chorus)
You saved my life, gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you, would be treason.
Nothing here can express my love,
from the ground below to the stars above.

(End chorus)
I know someday quite soon,
we'll be together, looking at the moon.
You saved me from my self doubt,
and I want to do the same for you.

It's a shame that some will never know,
what it's to be loved by someone so,
perfect, and beautiful, and its all true,
just these word to describe you.

You saved my life...
Gave me reasons...
To ever hurt you...
Would be treason...




In case you can't tell, this is dedicated to the girl who saved me from going down a really bad path. Jasmine. The only person in this world I love who I'm sure loves me back.
Heavyrain4life
November 29th, 2012, 06:05 AM
Oi! Don't forget to leave feedback guys. It helps more than you know.
ReginaGeorge
November 29th, 2012, 06:48 AM
To be honest, the only lines I liked were:

"I was a husk, just an empty shell.
Til I met you, I was lost in hell."

"You're a beautiful gem, shining in the dark.
Our only flaw is we're so far apart..."

And the last verse:

"I know someday quite soon,
we'll be together, looking at the moon.
You saved me from my self doubt,
and I want to do the same for you.

It's a shame that some will never know,
what it's to be loved by someone so,
perfect, and beautiful, and its all true,
just these word to describe you."

The rest of it needs a bit of tweaking, but I'm sure it's catchy to the tune you have in your head. :)
Pierce
November 29th, 2012, 07:42 AM
(Chorus)
You saved my life,
gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you,
would be treason.

You saved my life,
gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you,
would be treason.

I would replace the 2nd stanza in the chorus with a different set of words since I think it is a little bit repetitive. Other than that I really like it.
Heavyrain4life
November 29th, 2012, 05:05 PM
(Chorus)
You saved my life,
gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you,
would be treason.

You saved my life,
gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you,
would be treason.

I would replace the 2nd stanza in the chorus with a different set of words since I think it is a little bit repetitive. Other than that I really like it.

Yep. I'll update it soon. I've removed the second stanza, and added another.
Heavyrain4life
November 29th, 2012, 05:33 PM
(Chorus)
You saved my life,
gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you,
would be treason.

You saved my life,
gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you,
would be treason.

I would replace the 2nd stanza in the chorus with a different set of words since I think it is a little bit repetitive. Other than that I really like it.

You saved my life, gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you, would be treason.
Nothing here can express my love,
from the ground below to the stars above.

Better?
Pierce
November 29th, 2012, 06:19 PM
You saved my life, gave me reasons.
To ever hurt you, would be treason.
Nothing here can express my love,
from the ground below to the stars above.

Better?

I like that you replaced the last 2 lines but tbh they are not my favorite.