Solitary Confinment

[PrimedPenguin]

Here's a short little writing piece I wrote. Tell me what you think and how I can improve future writing.

Solitary confinement
Confined and outcasted forgotten by all. Counting the days since I've talked to flesh and blood. Time seems to slow while my thoughts become faster I feel my sanity slowly draining. Though no one is their I can feel them watching. Stareing me down waiting for me to snap. Day 32 and still no hope I'm losing all concerned for my well being anything that helps will do me fine. God has forsaken me and the judge condemned me. Day 33 the blade is my only friend now it relieves the pain. I see the loneliness spilling out of me wrist it makes me happy. Day 34 they are planning my demise. I reach out through the hole for help but it never comes. Day 35 my end is near. They have chosen my fate my life expectancy is sealed. The blade no longer helps me I feel alone. Day 36 their coming for me I know what they want. God has left me like all my friends. Day 37 the blade wants more for it to help me. I know it must be done. All sanity and hope are loss. I feel their presence its right above me. Day 39 they will not have me I will not allow it. The blade says it is time it wants my head in return for happiness for blood no longer has a effect. Day 40 it is time day 40 is the one to end them all. I place the blade upon my neck and wait for the happiness to come. http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/First_photograph_of_Leon_F._Czolgosz%2C_the_assassin_of_President_William_McKinl ey%2C_in_jail.jpg

[Inventor2]

[QUOTE=Cer989;2033339]Here's a short little writing piece I wrote. Tell me what you think and how I can improve future writing.

I re-wrote the first few sentences as if you where implying you are in the picture, but not actualy saying. Writing does not need my, me, i ect.

Solitary confinement
"Confined and outcasted forgotten by all. Time seems to slow while thoughts become faster As the sanity is slowly draining. Though no one is their, that felling that they are watching remains. Waiting for that call of a mans defete."

This is a great sentence:
I place the blade upon my neck and wait for the happiness to come.

Although happines is a little vague. A good way to tell a good sentence is to say it alone as if it where a quote.

If i wrote the sentence (not implying you should write it like this, yours is amazing!!!:
I place the blade upon my mangled neck and wait for the world to once again be mine

Over all this was a great piece! I hope you will send me/post another! I love reading them.
~preston

[PrimedPenguin]

Thank you for the feedback Preston

[shatter..]

This is very good and conveys a strong feeling of insanity to the reader. Keep writing.