The Demons in my head

[PrimedPenguin]

Here is a short little what ever you want to call its the first time I've tried writing something like this. Not intended to be good or amazing its just something I wrote because I was bored so don't hate on it. Suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

The demons in my mind
I'm plagued by the demons of the world. Hate and judgement surround me like a impenetrable aura. Arogntness floods the minds of millions its like a inevitable pluage. I'm tormented by my fantasies. People see me as different, I see a genius. I'm like a penny not needed or loved and far from unique. People pick me up and throw me away. I'm worthless to everyone. The constant discardment of my presence has left me forever unperfected. I'm deceived by the lies of people I thought were friends, but now I see it was only a show. I sit and pray but a revelation never comes. The one's that truly love me are the ones that never run. I feel my mind is collapsing on its very self. Because I know people would love nothing more than to put me on the top shelf and forget about me. The demons that torment me never let. They never let me emotions set. They always intent and insist on shaking me emotions up. I'm like the runt of the litter, the one no one loves. The abominations that reside in my mind are hate, anger, betrayal, dishonesty, greed, sadness and pain. Like the seven deadly sins they have condemned me to external suffering. Though my mind is complex, destroyed, distorted and tampered by others, I keep my wall up even though it crumbles. Like dry ice in a bottle I feel I have contained to much and I'm near the bursting point.
This is the mind of one who has been discarded, lied to, and hurt. Though it is not mine I feel their sadness, resentment, anger and pain because it enimates off their skin. One can only imagine what has caused their mental state. I know because I have been them before.

[Inventor2]

I think you write very gothic. This is very much how i like to write storys. You express a very strong and powerful idea of darkness and sorrow. If you havent read this book already i think you should (the link to the cover is below). A tip would be to find a photograph with that captures a strong moment in history. Then take the message of the photo and write your own story about it (basicaly let the image inspire you to write). I think you might find this a good way to find a story to write. Over all i think this is an amazing piece, keep writing.

Link to book:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef014e886b0648970d-pi

[PrimedPenguin]

Thanks I'm happy with it for my first time. I'll start reading that book rep+

[justinglives]

GREAT piece!
A little goth / Anne Rice..ish. but then again I love her vampire chromicles!

[PrimedPenguin]

GREAT piece!
A little goth / Anne Rice..ish. but then again I love her vampire chromicles!

Thanks got any suggestions?

[Inventor2]

The book is great. It won an award am im almost sure theres going to be a movie. I gave the book to my teacher after i read it and he said its the best book hes ever read! You should read a summery of it. Its all about how this kid travels to a small island. He then accedentaly goes back in time to an old orphanag where the kids have supernateral powers. (floatation, invisibility, making objects become alive.) and he soon finds out he too has a power (wont give it away). Mean while demons are after him to kill all the supernaterals. But mrs. Pergerine has them stuck in a time loop when a bomb whent off in WW2. So thats all im going to say! You really should read the book. It is quite amazing. I havent even SCRATCHED the surface of what happens in the book.

[PrimedPenguin]

The book is great. It won an award am im almost sure theres going to be a movie. I gave the book to my teacher after i read it and he said its the best book hes ever read! You should read a summery of it. Its all about how this kid travels to a small island. He then accedentaly goes back in time to an old orphanag where the kids have supernateral powers. (floatation, invisibility, making objects become alive.) and he soon finds out he too has a power (wont give it away). Mean while demons are after him to kill all the supernaterals. But mrs. Pergerine has them stuck in a time loop when a bomb whent off in WW2. So thats all im going to say! You really should read the book. It is quite amazing. I havent even SCRATCHED the surface of what happens in the book.

Seems like a interesting book once I can get a copy or find it online I'm reading it. Got any suggestions for my work?

[justinglives]

Try the "serenity prayer"
"Higher Power..grant me the serenity to accpt the thingsi cannot change). The power to deal with and change the things and situations I can.....and the WISDOM to know the difference....."

That always brings me some solice in the face of living in a world that goes on around me....

[Inventor2]

This is a great peice. I for one cannot give an idea to you, for your own mind needs to have an inserperation. If i simply give you a small idea, you will have a small undescriptive piece. With a insperation your own mind will develope ideas and add to them to make your peice.

"a photograph is worth 1000 words"

Some people might see this as a man in jail for murder. But maybe it expresses a stronger idea...loneliness? Sorrowful? Helplessness? Write as if you are the picture, you are the man. Do not imply you are thoug, just use it as an idea. This might be hard to get but you will figure it out.

Picture:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/First_photograph_of_Leon_F._Czolgosz%2C_the_assassin_of_President_William_McKinl ey%2C_in_jail.jpg

[PrimedPenguin]

This is a great peice. I for one cannot give an idea to you, for your own mind needs to have an inserperation. If i simply give you a small idea, you will have a small undescriptive piece. With a insperation your own mind will develope ideas and add to them to make your peice.

"a photograph is worth 1000 words"

Some people might see this as a man in jail for murder. But maybe it expresses a stronger idea...loneliness? Sorrowful? Helplessness? Write as if you are the picture, you are the man. Do not imply you are thoug, just use it as an idea. This might be hard to get but you will figure it out.

Picture:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c1/First_photograph_of_Leon_F._Czolgosz%2C_the_assassin_of_President_William_McKinl ey%2C_in_jail.jpg

Cool I'll try to write something about that picture or another picture I find. Thanks for the help.

[Inventor2]

I dont have time now, but tomorow i will write a piece and post it here or send it to you via PM. If i post it i will have your username in the thread title

[PrimedPenguin]

Ok thanks

[Shade]

Wow, what an amazing piece; truly...inspired. Wonderfully written, especially for a first time. As for advice, the only thing I can think of is breaking it up into short sentences for a visual effect. I hope you keep writing- you're good at it.

[PrimedPenguin]

Wow, what an amazing piece; truly...inspired. Wonderfully written, especially for a first time. As for advice, the only thing I can think of is breaking it up into short sentences for a visual effect. I hope you keep writing- you're good at it.


Thanks, I'm honored that your first post was on my thread.

[Shade]

Thanks, I'm honored that your first post was on my thread.

You're very welcome.