I'm on the edge

[Person_Of_Interest]

I'm bullied everyday at school.
They call me gay, they tell me I'm a stupid faggot. They tell me I should just go suck a car muffler. they tell me I should go back to sleep and never wake up....................................................................... They want me to die, and the sad part is that I want to die as much as they act like they want me to.

I always have to convince myself to get out of bed in the morning because of the illusion that tommorow might be a better day, but it only gets worse. Whenever I see pictures of myself when I was an innocent kid that had no worries, I burst into tears because I feel like those days when nothing mattered were just making me less prepared for the hell that my life would become so fast.

If only I had known.

I can't hold a conversation with my parents without. There are cuts and scars on my arm where my cracking mind has caused me to try to solve the problems I have with other people by taking anything sharp I can find and cutting my skin with it. I can't look at myself in a mirror without being reminded that I can never get my life back to the simplicity of being a 5 year old. I have so many regrets on choices I have made in the past, that I can't trust myself with the simple resposibility of eating a meal without some tiny memoru triggering me to remember that place in time that seems like a big fucking lie that was planted in my head on purpose just to torture me for the rest of my life, no matter how short it is.
I know I will take my own life, but it won't be today. Not today. It could be 20 years from now, it could be tomorrow; I just don't know. The only thing I do is this:


I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.

I need help but I can't get it.


Merged double post. :) -StoppingTime

[survivor]

Sadly, I know how you feel. This pretty much describes the situation I was in a few years back and I did come close to suicide. You need to find someone you can confide in or it will only get worse. Holiday break is coming and you won't have to go to school for a while. Just hold on, find the good points in your life, and hold onto them. feel free to PM me if you want to talk, I've been where you are.

[Brady12]

suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem

[survivor]

suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem

No one should have to go down that road. A road of self loathing and of loss. Hang in there.

[Texas warrior]

All I can say, is be who you want to be.

[TapDancer]

Kids are brutal. So you know, you can take kids to court for mental harrassment. Hang in there, I have been there. I came out a while ago, going to a Roman catholic school, the school actually told my mum against my will, and bulllied me more than the kids. Hang in there. It gets better! Messege me, if you wish to talk more. xx

[Mortal Coil]

You know, people in real life are horrible. I wish there was more I could say but so far I don't know of any ways to peacefully stand up to bullies that truly work. That's why we're here, isn't it? To find people who are similar to us, who will be nice to us and understand us. Please, don't do anything rash. There are so many things to do, places to go, people to meet, foods to try, sunsets to watch. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing you die. Living well is the best revenge and I think everyone on VT wants to help you do that. Stick around, I'm sure you'll make some friends. You can always come to me for support :hug: Stay strong.

[Person_Of_Interest]

Thanks so much guys, you brought me back to hope :)

[unicorn772]

I HATE bullying ...but guess what? If you commit suicide the bullies will feel like they won! You can let them get the best of you ...all you need is a few close friends and they will protect you with ALL of their life because they LOVE you....Just stay away from the bullies and here's a tip that will make them mad...If they bullies say "Gay,Faggot" just say "So........" Everytime they insult you say "So.." ......But the main point is just walk away ignore them.:cool:

[highway814boy98]

yo im straight and id never bully some one when i see some one upset like this is pisses me off anyone who feels like this can talk to me anytime idc who you are or who you like i dont judge anybody. you cant let idiots get to you ik its hard but by you suffering your just giving them what they want and there dumb shit is not worth one second of your time there just jelous that your happy with who you are! you hit me up any time