Do I Care Too Much?

[TaylrJ]

I like someone and we are both around the same age.. 15. And I have liked him for about 5 months now. I think he may like me back, I don't really know. The thing is we are both guys and I also think he is gay. If you want, you can read my other forums for proof. Anyways, I love him so much, he means so much to me. We flirt all the time, we always talk about how we love each other, and we also hang out a lot. I was with him Friday night, at the high school football game. I ditched all my friends for him. It was just us two sitting on the bleachers, the whole entire time. It was so much fun. He mentioned us going to the mall together, just me and him. I told him I could make it happen and my mom could give us a ride. Well we talked about it earlier today and I asked if he still wanted to go and he responded saying "Idc". I told him my mom can't take us anymore and he said "K". Then I asked if he wanted to come over, he said "Nahh". It's like he doesn't care, about anything. If he truly loved me, wouldn't he make an effort to be with me? It is like this ALL THE TIME. He passes up so many opportunities to be with me, and it hurts. I look forward to being with him so much and he just doesn't care, at all. I cried so much when he didn't want to come over. If I would have had a chance to be with him I would have taken it in a heartbeat. But it doesn't matter to him. You can say that it's love because we flirt all the time, everyone else even says we're gay together. But he doesn't even care about me like I care about him.. It makes me cry so much and I just don't know how to handle anything anymore. Do I just care to much? Could you help? Thanks..

[Noirtier]

How can I break this to you lightly... It seems to me that what you said here:

But he doesn't even care about me like I care about him..
May be true. But, whether he likes you in a romantic way or as a friend, he obviously cares about you in some way. You described the whole scene at the football game, and said you guys still hang out all the time. Now, let me say that you're not going to know what this friendship or relationship actually is to him unless you ask. But that's not the point of this. Because one thing is clear to me, and that is this: You are more than a bit obsessed with this kid. You're attached to the point where, like you said, you cried because he didn't want to come over once. Sometimes people need a break and some time to themselves. It's not healthy to be this attached, this dependent on someone, that you freak out when you can't hang out once. Give the poor guy some space. He does care about you, but I think you're taking it to the point of obsession. And that's not healthy for either of you. Take some time for yourself, and calm down a bit. Don't be so attached to him that it borders on obsession hun. Try and back off a little, so both of you have some space. That way, you two can still have a happy, healthy friendship. Or even a relationship.

[TaylrJ]

It seems I already knew some of that. Like, I knew that space is very necessary in a relationship. But just not this one. I just thought since I love him, it is OK to be thinking these thoughts and acting this way. But I guess your right, I'm obsessed and thank you for breaking it to me. I have posted so many forums about us and no other person has told me what you just did. Your post actually made sense. I don't think I am emotionally ready for a relationship with him right now either. At all. I also have crushed over other guys before him. All of those were depressing, obsessive, and not really any fun. How CAN I stop this? I want to do it NOW too. Can you help me? I don't want to stop being in love with him. I just want to stop obsessing over him like I am. I feel like it is too late too. For example, after what happened today, I was begging him to let me hang out with him. Such as, asking to go to church with him, asking him to come over, asking if I could come over, and asking him to meet me somewhere. The way I was acting was really weird looking back at it. I've done a lot of stuff like this to him too. Then, if he doesn't want to hang out, I would give him this guilt trip about how he doesn't care about anything and try to make him feel bad. No joke. I really need help and I am asking, can you help me? What do I need to do to stop obsessing over someone that I'm in love with? Thank you so much!

EDIT:
Btw, I have gotten A LOT better at this. And my by "better", I mean less obsessive. For example, I use to get jealous if he would talk and have fun with other guys but me. I use to think they had something going on and he didn't care about me, just them. I even posted a forum about it 2 months ago: "How To Handle Jealousy?" But now, I have totally gotten over that and it doesn't bother me anymore. Not even close to how it use too. I use to even cry over him when he talked to other guys but me. I was afraid that it would eventually turn into a friendship more special than ours. And to be honest, I think I am getting emotionally better by being more spiritual. It is just making this all less complicated and it is making it a lot easier to get over certain things and not let them get to me. I want to eventually get over all these things that is making this relationship unhealthy. And people have told me before, "You've done enough damage so maybe you should just forget about him and move on." But I just can't. Not mainly because I love him, but because I have put too much effort into this relationship to just give up. Me and him share something really special and it's not something I just wanna throw away. I also think improving this relationship will make future ones I'll be in easier and they won't be "obsessive" like my old ones. But anyways, I just thought I'd tell you all this to let you know that I use to be way worse and that I've gotten better, and I can get even better than this. Thanks...

[Pierce]

I have read your previous threads and posted so I know what's been going on. He may be playing a hard to get or not want to seem to eager. I would bring it up to him softly that you want to spend more time together. On the other hand, he may just not care about your relationship as much as you do. But like i said I would try bringing it up somehow that you two need to hang out more. Best of luck and you can send me message if you want further help or have more questions.

[TaylrJ]

Thanks Pierce. But all those things you said are possibilities. Such as "him playing hard to get", "him not caring", or how "he might care". They are all a bunch of "what-ifs". And I think worrying about all of those ties to me being sort of obsessed with him. Which right now, is my main concern. I don't think I am going to bring it up with him either. Or even come out to him. There is too much going on with me to risk it all and come out to him or tell him anything about how I feel. Hoping that in return we will start a relationship.

And even if we did, I still don't think it would work. I need to focus on me a little more... I think if I just stop obsessing over him so much, the relationship will fix itself. But that is probably going to be months down the road. And maybe, once all this blows over I will try to have something more than a friendship with him. But if I did it now, it would just make things more complicated with all that is going one, especially with me. It would just rush things, which is the last thing I want to do.

[Noirtier]

The first thing I want to say is that it's not too late to stop. It's hard, and it will take some work, but it's not impossible. You need to take some time for yourself, you need to know that if you can't always be hanging out, that it's ok. Shift your focus some from him to work on some other friendships as well. Don't make him your sole focus, or even your main focus, but work on all your friendships together. Loosen up a bit, and try going with the flow a bit more. And, sometimes, if he acts like he doesn't want to talk, and is just saying things like "k", try saying you'll talk to him later, and go do something else. It's small stuff like that which can help you start being less obsessed with him, while still being his friend.

[TaylrJ]

Thanks. What's funny though is that it isn't even noticeable. Yea, everyone thinks that we are gay together, but I don't mean that. It's being obsessive. We still have fun together and always are real flirty, laughing, and telling jokes. It is just behind his back, is when I get this way. I don't act obsessive very often in front of him, or anybody really. Like (This has never happened, just an example) if he told me, at school, that he is going to blow me off to go to the skate park. I wouldn't have a strong reaction. But once I am alone, away from everybody, I will start crying, finding every way possible to talk to him, and I freak out. So I was wrong, it is not too late. Because there are not many signs of obsession I show in front of him. I only am obsessive when I am away. I think he has a feeling about it, but it is not obvious, at all. I will let you know how it all works out and how I am handling it later this week. I am researching a lot about it, lol, so I can learn to stop. I feel so much better already though. Since I am aware of this. Thank you! Really.

[teen.jpg]

No, your just a hormornal monstrosity...


JK, but no offense, you come off as clingy. You probably think about him TOO much. It's unhealthy.

[TaylrJ]

Well so far, it's been an alright week. I have handled the obsession thing very well. A lot better than I have before. If he doesn't sit next to me in class, not talk to me as much, or not reply to a text or something like that. It doesn't really bother me. Same with being turned down for plans. I just don't worry about it. I am even getting better at not obsessing as much, but it is still a problem. For example, I can't seem to stop thinking that he is mine. I don't know how to put it... But, I keep thinking that we are together, just us two, and he doesn't have a relationship that is more special or better than ours. I basically think that we are gay together and he is mine. Even though he has said nothing about either of these being true. I sometimes even imagine being in a real, legit relationship with him. Imagining what it'd be like to be with him and try to convince myself that is how it is between us. Another thing, I said that I don't get jealous anymore if he talks to other people. Which is true, I DON'T. But I am just scared. He is laughing and talking to this other guy just like how he use to talk to me in the very beginning of our relationship. I am afraid that it will grow into something. What's crazier, is that I keep thinking "I am soo worried that him and this other guy are going to have a thing instead of us"..... But the funny thing is, ME AND HIM HAVE NO THING. See what I mean? I am delusional and keep thinking that we have a thing. I know we don't, but deep down. It feels like we do. These two things are a problem, me worried and me thinking we are together. I am wandering if you can help me. I don't know what to do.. I am just so scared that I am going to loose him. Is this normal? Help?