An awkward and upsetting situation, help please!

[iamRyan]

Hi guys

I just thought you may be able to help me with a situation I am currently going through. A while back I started to notice I liked guys. I thought this was just because I was going through puberty, but it has lasted well over a year now. I still don't want to be bi or even gay, not because I am against it, just I want to have kids etc. I am pretty sure that I am bi now, but I still haven't came to proper terms with it and I probably won't until I have had a proper relationship with someone of the same-sex, which is what the problem is.

There is a guy in my class at school who I really like. We used to be really good friends, but now I'm starting GCSE subjects everyone has changed classes, and he is no longer in any of my classes. I never see him anymore hardly, and I feel like we're just gonna stop speaking. That alone is making me upset, but as said above, I really like him. The trouble is, I don't know what to do. He and nobody else knows that I may be bi or gay, and I myself am not too sure, and won't be until I've had a relationship with another guy. Secondly, even if I told him I could be - whats to say he is too? He says he is straight to people, but then again, so do I, he could be hiding it. And then, even if he is gay/bi, what's to say he would like me. I really like this guy and don't want to end up not being friends with him, and I feel I need to do something to keep his friendship at least. Please help!

Ryan

[Rdsxbaseballfan]

your only 14, so i dont really think your Bi, you just started puberty and this is what happens during puberty, you get curious and start to think about the other gender and may want to experiment and may actually start to like someone. It doesnt mean your going like the boys when you finish puberty. Its a phase most of us go through when we hit puberty. dont worry, at this point i wouldn't consider you bi, your just a little curious

[iamRyan]

your only 14, so i dont really think your Bi, you just started puberty and this is what happens during puberty, you get curious and start to think about the other gender and may want to experiment and may actually start to like someone. It doesnt mean your going like the boys when you finish puberty. Its a phase most of us go through when we hit puberty. dont worry, at this point i wouldn't consider you bi, your just a little curious

the thing is I have felt this way for over a year :/

[Sph2015]

Puberty lasts up to 10 years, so feeling like that for a year still doesn't mean anything.

[Oukakystan95]

I would ask to like hang out over night and then in privet watch some porn and if he asks you or you ask him to experiment ask while doing that

[Lost in the Echo]

Well, there may be a possibility that you're bi/gay, and you may not, puberty is a confusing thing, and you probably won't know what your true orientation is until you're finished with puberty.

As for your friend, next time you see him, you should let him know how you feel, tell him that you miss hanging out with him and you miss being friends with him.
Friendship, or any relationship is a 2 way street, it takes 2 people to make it work, so if he is a true friend to you, then he will try to make time to hang out with you and be your friend.

Good luck dude, I hope things turn out great for you :)

[MartyG]

As for your friend, next time you see him, you should let him know how you feel, tell him that you miss hanging out with him and you miss being friends with him.


Exactly. You have to start somewhere. You said that you hardly ever see him or talk to him. So; the first step should be for you to tell him exactly what Bocefus98 said.....and hope that it spurs him on to at least make arrangements so as to hang out with you more often.

The rest of it would come naturally in time. As in bringing up topics of significance...and see if he shows interest.

Once the friendship as such is re-instated or confirmed.....then you can make a decision regarding asking him some pointed questions.

[Jaded Cobalt]

your only 14, so i dont really think your Bi, you just started puberty and this is what happens during puberty, you get curious and start to think about the other gender and may want to experiment and may actually start to like someone. It doesnt mean your going like the boys when you finish puberty. Its a phase most of us go through when we hit puberty. dont worry, at this point i wouldn't consider you bi, your just a little curious

not to be mean, but i've known i liked guys since i was in sixth grade, though that is also as far back as i can remember about me, so for all i know i always been gay <shrug>. my advice though is, if you think you like the person, just talk to him, don't go straight up "you gay?", just talk, and get to be good friends again, and then one day casually mention it to him, and see what he says. if he is a good friend, he'll be okay with it, and if he feels same, he'll bring it up.

[darkie]

What I could say about that is that you should listen to yourself and your feelings and not what others dictate to you. If you feel that you're bi/gay, then it is what it is. It's also pretty important that you accept it yourself. I've been through that as well, and it feels 10x much better when you completely come into terms with yourself. Puberty's chaotic so you might be confused about yourself, but what I'm saying it that you should be comfortable with yourself. I know it doesn't happen overnight, and it's a pretty slow process, but it helps you tremendously.

About the guy, changes in school have made your friendship kinda drift apart. If you guys were previously good friends, I wouldn't think it will be a difficult thing trying to spark up a conversation with him and ask around what's been up. Especially since there's mobile phones, texting, Facebook, Skype, etc, there's more opportunities for you guys to talk and stay connected. When you guys talk, you'll be closer and closer again. When you are pretty comfortable with each other, you can mention about what you feel subtly. If he reacts positively, then great. If not, and then he starts shying away from you, I guess he isn't really much worth your time. People who matter wouldn't mind and people who mind don't really matter. :)

[highfieldsboy]

Also remember that only you knows how you feel or what you might feel.
It's great coming to a forums for a read and some advice, but no-one here is an expert on you.

Just do what you feel is right.

[Sean4U]

About the guy, changes in school have made your friendship kinda drift apart. If you guys were previously good friends, I wouldn't think it will be a difficult thing trying to spark up a conversation with him and ask around what's been up. Especially since there's mobile phones, texting, Facebook, Skype, etc, there's more opportunities for you guys to talk and stay connected. When you guys talk, you'll be closer and closer again. When you are pretty comfortable with each other, you can mention about what you feel subtly. If he reacts positively, then great. If not, and then he starts shying away from you, I guess he isn't really much worth your time. People who matter wouldn't mind and people who mind don't really matter. :)

when I first started to read this thread, what Kieran said was what I was thinking...the two of you have drifted apart, no fault of either of you just the schedule that classes tend to do....talk with him....jump start your friendship again...it seems you like him as a friend, first of all, and your feeling about him otherwise have come from that....just try to hang together...see if he can come over watch some vids or something ....let things happen as they do and don't press it....you'll know when the time is right....if it ever is....

[Twilly F. Sniper]

It may just be bicuriousity, which happens often in puberty. Puberty often starts showing signs at around 13, about when you said those feelings started. Maybe just this.

[deanbrodi]

Ryan, it's too early yet to put yourself into a category, until maybe age 18, when all the big changes to your brain caused by puberty have settled down more. In the meantime, why can't you try finding him during lunch break, or ask someone who knows him to give you his contact details? Then you can just be friends with him, & see where that goes to. Then you can also tell him that you saw 2 blokes holding hands down the street, even if that wasn't true, & add that you don't mind if someone is gay. Then ask him if it worried him if someone he knew is gay.