Who says ?

[Celyn0516]

Sometimes I can't take it from my family anymore. I'm the youngest in the family , having one elder brother only. In asian traditional families, parents normally love the son more than the daughter as in belief that the son will continue their legacy etc etc. I know my parents love me , but sometimes I just feel that they love my brother more than me. They pamper him and buy anything & everything for him & I just get his leftovers.

Well this post is mainly about my aunt >___> . My aunt is a very successful & powerful insurance agent in her early 50s. She had cancer earlier this year, but she removed it, so she's kinda safe now , I guess. She's a super health freak and she only eats organic food no seasoning etc etc. After her cancer ,she changed from a size 8 to a size 0 & she became a vegetarian but she eats fish & eggs. From what I hear from my mom, she loved unhealthy junk food when she was little.

Now every time when I meet her in family gatherings or when she comes to my house for dinner / lunch, she never fails to tell me I'm fat or I have bulky legs. I'm getting more self conscious and I hate what I see in the mirror every time I change into shorts or dresses. Ever since she has been rubbing her body size to me in my face, I've been desperately trying ways to slim down, I've changed from a size 8 to size 4, yet I still have bulky muscular legs.

Every time she says that I'm fat or I have fat / bulky / man-like legs, it really hurts. It feels like someone is taking a knife and stabbing me in the heart. For a time , I was super depressed and started cutting myself at the thighs where the school pinafore will cover it and I won't be caught to the counselling room. I will carve words like ' FATTIE ' ' BITCH ' ' WORTHLESS ' etc words on my thighs with a craft knife.

Now I have insomnia and sleep everyday about 5 a.m. and wakeup at 6.30 - 8.00a.m. and it really tires me a lot. Sometimes I cry for no reason in the bathroom or in my bed with lots of blankets and pillows piled ontop of me. I can't even talk to a friend about my problems cause they probably don't even care or they will laugh about it behind my back to other people, I've experienced it before and it really really sucks. It's like putting salt & lemon juice on a wound. On top of that , I get really easy irritated by anything or anyone and I binge eat and go on starvation for few days while exercising extremely about 4 / 5 hours a day.

Super sorry if it's in the wrong forum and can anyone give useful advice ? THANKS . :)

[Silent Sufferer]

Hey don't worry I get the same way around family members and they have hte same effect on me. My aunt when she was a teenager was Bulimic and its annooying coz my mum and nan both always talk how they are ft and are tryignt o lose weight then look at me and make comments (by the way I'm on meds that are appetite depresseres as a side efect) my mum even said a few weeks ago "I wish teh doctor would prescribe the tmeds that you take so that I'll be slimmer" but she doesn't realise that yes they are appetite depressers but I also don't let myself eat as much junkfood as I once used to as well as starve myself for most of the day. Sorry to go on a rant but what I was intending to say was that I completely understand what your going through. Whenever I have to go to a family aouting or something I hate it becasue what I do eat or the facct that I'm not eating is a topic for discussion that my mum, aunt and nan all goo about then say ow they all feel fat and wish thy had my body or pat my arm and tell me how lucky I am, but on the inside I feel like a fat freak who can't believe they don''t see how ffay and ugly I am. I mean seriously how can they not notice. Sorry I went off on a random tangent again. Message me if you ever want to talk, I'm hear for you if you need an someone to vent to :) Hope everthign gets better with ur situation, especially with ur aunt.