Discouraged about dating / Still hung up on someone

[Eric57]

I have been getting so discouraged about dating. I am 19, almost 20, and I have yet to be in a relationship nor I have had my first kiss or anything of the sort.

I guess I just find dating to be so discouraging. It is so hard for me because of the fact that I am gay... it's even harder because I am not the typical gay guy and I don't like the typical gay guy. I like a normal guy who is not flamboyant and girly, which is very hard to find. I just get so down about dating because it's so hard to find somebody... and I get even more down about it because of the fact that I am so inexperienced.

Then I get even more down because I am still hung up on a guy. We went out on 3 dates and I liked him so much. I ended up screwing it up because I was so nervous and he ended up saying he didn't think we would work out. We are still somewhat friendly on Facebook and such. Seeing him on Facebook and seeing him becoming friends with guys that I know are gay (who I either previously talked to or I just know of them) really gets me down. I am still hung up on him and he is actively looking for other people.

I try to look for other people, but it is just so hard. There literally is nobody around where I live that is gay and if they are, they are the flamboyant guy, which I do not like.

I just get so frustrated and I start thinking about how it's probably going to be years before I find somebody...and that really, really gets me down.

I don't know what to do about this. I just feel annoyed by it all the time.

[FreeFall]

What is typical? What is normal? I was all ready to help but those threw me off. I don't know any typical guys (well expect that they all take hours when they take a dump, they live in there basically) or non-normal homosexuals. Maybe you're sub-consciously focused on your typicality and normality? So let go of that and focus on being yourself, and you may find things to be easier.

No one goes into dating experienced, if they do, something weird happened there. Dating is self exploration, self growth and self discovery. I don't believe there are "skills" or a rubric of dating. Each date is different, each partner is different. What worked in one relationship, will not work for another. So forget about experience because every relationship you're going to find yourself in, will be an entirely new game and you'll have to discover what works and what doesn't.

Stop being friends with your, let's call him your Ex. You're stuck on him because you've nailed yourself to him. You can't be friends if you can't let go of those feelings and release yourself. It's holding you back, and it's not emotionally healthy. Block him, delete him, just remove him from your life. Stop seeing what he's doing, it's not important and it's not relevant to your life at all. Focus on yourself and move on. You never gave yourself time to move on, you really need to do that.

Maybe you could look and see if there are dating sites or meeting group club thingies? I'm not sure what to call them but they're like mixers to meet new people that share lifestyles, life choices and personality traits with you. I'm not too sure about helping you there, I'm sorry ):

And lastly, just relax. It's ok to be annoyed and frustrated but over time that builds into resentment and bitterness. That poisons relationships because once you do get one, you'll have a feeling of relief, a "finally!" moment and expect too much, too soon, too fast. Or you'll become cynical from it and expect it to just end of that everything that can go wrong, will and you'll drive your partner away. So just breathe, relax, and live your life. You're young still, there's so much time and you may want it now, now, now, but time's all you've got to rely on for the moment. Don't rush, but don't stop. Just let it come to you naturally, seek, but don't beg. Ask, but don't plead. It'll work out (:

[FergusDunn]

you say where you live - maybe you could move -

but thats a bit drastic or is it.

Who finds there ideal - you say what you dont like but are you just seeing guys and not getting to know them or form friendships or even just hanging out.

I guess as far as facebook goes well dont believe all you see on that.