What do I do?!

[RaisingSand]

K, I'm gonna sum up the two people here, so just go with me:

Ex-bf: great guy, we have the most awesome in depth conversations, previously went out for two years, but he has a total problem with arrogance etc sometimes. Sex-life was great and I think he's unbelievably hot.

Current bf: great guy as well, has also had issues with depression, which shows up when we're together, is the most caring person I've ever met. When can pretty much discuss anything but have never really had an in-depth intelligent conversation. And the sex is bleh, or so I think, and I'm not really attracted to him physically.

It's kinda complicated ... I told my bf I wanted to have a break two days ago after I'd been hanging around with my ex for a few days (he randomly showed up at my house, brought movies) and we had some amazing conversations. Sometimes I really want him (my ex) back and can't stop thinking about how hot he is. >.> Which I know I shouldn't, but I do ...
I had another boyfriend after breaking up with above mentioned ex, with whom I broke up with twice for, and both times that didn't go so well. (My ex) has abandoment issues etc that come out as arrogance etc towards me.
Me and my current boyfriend were great friends before he admitted he liked me and broke up with his long distance girlfriend Ally for me. :/
I used to like him SO MUCH, but I felt he told me a bit late, and by the time he did I was over him, kinda.
After telling him I wanted a break I went round to his house, said sorry and that I was an idiot, and I wanted us to be together, but I really don't know if I do or not ... I think maybe I just said that because he was the safe choice and I don't really want to be alone ... but know that I'm back with him I really can't stop thinking about my ex (who really wants me back).

Sorry, that is REALLY long and rambling and I don't even know if it makes any sense ... HELP!

[Hyper]

Hmm why do you want to break up with you current.. I mean what makes him worse than your ex?

Just the fact that his incompetent in bed??

[RaisingSand]

I broke up with my (current) bf last night ... and it wasn't because he was incompetent in bed, it was because I didn't have the feelings you should for someone you're in a relationship with. We both just decided to be friends. :)

[byee]

What is your problem being alone? Is it so powerful for you that you overlook what might be serious faults in your guys? If so, getting back with your ex (or staying with your 'current') sounds like a mistake. You're with them not so much because of the connection to you, but rather, their absence leaves you without a connection. But, the connection you have with them isn't really real, it's based on fantasy and need. Sometimes it's better to be alone for a while. You didn't say much about whay you broke up with 'Mr. Hottie'. have those reasons changes? Is he a different person? Has he addrressed whatever it was that led you to break up with him?

Time alone can be very beneficial, it gives you the opportunity to clarify in your own mind what it is that you're looking for, and what matters to you. It also gives you the opportunity to practice tolerating the things you fear the most, loneliness. In the end, you'll likely be better defined as a person, and more self assured, choosing based on knowledge and insight, rather than fear.

Maybe it's time to broaden you horizons and look for 'number three'.

[Gumleaf]

i really think you need to take a step back and really think about what you want in a relationship and if those guys are able to provide that for you. once you have worked out what you want, then you can go searching for the right guy for you. a relationship, in my opinion should be based on having things in common and liking/loving them heaps rather then because he/she is really caring or just good in bed or can have an intelligent conversation. although those things are important, a relationship shouldn't be just based on just those things.