Could use a bit of a hand here guys.

[The Madman]

Hey guys,

Wow it's been a confusing couple of days. I'm basically going on a rant here, if you could read it and give me some advice I would really appreciate it.

First of all I'll get the stupid part out the way, that I don't need to consider.
I like Musical Theatre, I plan on doing it once I finish High School. Some of my friends are gay. I will be working in a predominately gay environment.

I don't think I'm gay. I have no sexual feelings towards men whatsoever. However if I was working with a guy that liked me and I liked him I would have no qualms whatsoever about seeing where things went. I don't know. I'm so confused. I like women, I know that for sure. But.. I don't know. Men don't turn me on, women do, but I wouldn't mind having a relationship with one if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt or it would be better for me.

Help

[TigerBoy]

Sounds to me like you are intellectually curious about it and very relaxed about your sexuality (in the sense that you'd be open to new experiences).

If you aren't attracted to guys then you probably won't enjoy it much more than masturbation. A lot of guys experiment to put their mind at rest, so if you got a chance I think the only thing would be to make sure the other guy knew where you were coming from.

So its great you are comfortable around gay guys, but that doesn't mean you need to conform :P

Hope that helps.

[Penteract]

Agreed. You're probably just either comfortable with either gender to the point where you wouldn't mind being with either of them, individually of course. This does not necessarily mean you're interested or too interested in being sexually involved with either of them, respectively, but instead you could 'be' with either of them without hesitation. Judging by the way you present your thoughts, your free-will of being together with a guy may not necessarily mean you'd like to be with the person sexually (involves kissing, etc), but could more likely mean that you'd be comfortable being around them; even if in a relationship.

I'm not the best counselor, but I do hope the words I contributed added a little to your thoughts.

[The Madman]

I am 100% comfortable around gay guys, my best friend is gay and he's awesome. I hate homophobes so much I want to kill them. They aren't scared, they are assholes.

I am still confused.

[Penteract]

It's like I said, you're just equally comfortable around any gender. You could give it some time to think out whether you'd actually like to BE with a gay person or just hang around with them. There's a huge difference between liking/tolerating/whatever gay people to wanting to be with one of them, in a relationship that could lead to a sexual relationship. Try to understand or set your thoughts around the situation, since you are the only one that knows. Do you like gays as in like being around them or like them as in willing to BE with them? If you answered being around them, then you are probably not really gay, or you could just very well like both genders. All in all, it depends on if you like guys 'sexually' (not necessarily sexual intercourse, but any sexual activity including kissing), or if you like them as friends/brothers, more like it.

[The Madman]

I quite willing to be with them. I don't have a problem with being with them. I'm not attracted to guys in the slightest though, but I could be if the guy was the right person.

I'm so confused.

[Penteract]

Yeah...well then let it be. If you are not ashamed of being around gays, then you must not be ashamed if you were one yourself (could be bisexual, for that matter). So thus, if it does not bother you in that aspect, then let it be. If you find the correct individual like you say, then test it out. The only way to solve something like this would be to test it out yourself and see how it feels and if you like it. If you do, good for you, all set. If you don't, then you know that you probably are not gay; but it's up to your decision considering it might not be the right one. I tried my best, but at this point all I can do myself is tell you to try to figure out yourself if you would be willing to be with a guy yourself or not.

Sorry for not doing much~ :/

[The Madman]

You're helping much more than others have.

I'm not ashamed of being around gays, and... If i was gay, i wouldn't be ashamed of it. But... I would be afraid of coming out. Most people suspect I'm gay already, to come out, even after school would be proving they were right the entire time and I was just denying it to myself. It's horrible. I feel like shit.

But I'm not gay. Not fully. I like women 100% and that is a fact I need to stress. Every part of them. Nothing about the male anatomy turns me on at all. This is the part that is confusing me the most.

[Lost in the Echo]

Well, whatever happens, happens, there is nothing you can do about it.
Don't worry, that's about all you can do.

It seems like you're kinda scared that you'll fall for a guy, and that scares you because you want to be straight.
But nobody can control who they love, or whatever their sexuality is, so the best thing to do is go with the flow. You can't control what happens.

[Noirtier]

Hun, if you're not attracted to guys, you're probably not gay. I would just about bet on it. You seem to like guys in a much more nonromantic kind of way. A platonic way. I think you've grown accustomed to gay people and have, for whatever reason, begun to suspect you are gay when you really aren't, simply because of who you've been around. The bottom line is if you're not attracted to a sex, you don't really like them. I know what it's like to be confused, but I think you may be making things more complicated than they need to be.

[The Madman]

^^ That is no help to me whatsoever. There is things I can do about it. If I go with the flow I will end up in someplace I know I won't like.

However you are correct. I do want to be straight. But if I turn out not to be, then that's fine with me. I know I will always be partially straight. I like women.

I'm not scared of falling for a guy. I'm scared of all the hassle I will receive for it. I know what people are like, and I hate them for it. ( Not gay people, the homophobes )

^ But it doesn't matter if I'm not attracted to guys, if they right guy came along then I would probably grow attracted to them. If that makes sense.

[Penteract]

Relating to what you have said, and I have responded; you might just be even thinking about possibly being in a relationship with guys because of how comfortable you are around them. This could also be affected by the 'peer-pressure' as you mentioned previously. Due to the people thinking you are gay could lead you to doubting yourself about your sexuality.

[The Madman]

Being so confused all the time hurts :(

[Penteract]

I understand what you mean completely. You're not necessarily afraid of being with a guy, you're just, maybe not necessarily, afraid of all the crap people in general will give you. It's really half and half. You may feel like you want to be with women 100% because of, like I mentioned, peer-pressure and your will to not want any hassle caused whatsoever. All the same, like mentioned by me previously, could apply the same to you perhaps being attracted to men, not in the sexual aspect (in response to the anatomy portion of your reply) because of so many people thinking crap and you just being like "I don't care what you think anymore" or the other way around in the 100% like women part; "I'll prove you wrong".

This reply would have to be by far the most awfully worded one, hopefully you'll understand what I mean.

[Noirtier]

^ But it doesn't matter if I'm not attracted to guys, if they right guy came along then I would probably grow attracted to them. If that makes sense.

First let me say I know what it's like to feel confused, and it sucks. I know what it's like to be so confused it hurts. Now, would you say you are emotionally attracted to guys in any manner?

[The Madman]

Yeah it makes sense to me.

But I'm still very confuzzlified

[The Madman]

First let me say I know what it's like to feel confused, and it sucks. I know what it's like to be so confused it hurts. Now, would you say you are emotionally attracted to guys in any manner?

Yes. I would say yes. Guys can be so much nicer than lassies. They can be sweeter, gentler, and they understand what is going on in another guys head most of the time, since most guys operate by the guy code, they know when to help or when to back off.

So yes, I would say yes I am.

[Penteract]

Hmph. Let me try to put this in my simplest terms possible so I don't end up mixing up the message I want to get across. >:. Anyway, since you don't like men because of their physical aspect, I'm assuming you would be 'ok' with being with them because of their mental/social aspect, theoretically speaking. Which would, all in all, mean you really don't give a crap who you're with in the COMMUNICATION aspect, but you'd rather, if not only prefer to be with women.

Let's sort of draw this out:

Mentality:
Women + Men = Ok

Physical:
Women = Ok; Men = Not Interested.

In other words, you wouldn't mind being with men if the occasion presented, because they are so like you (in the sense that they are boys/men/guys) and yet they resemble...well...a girly attitude.

I'd sum this up as in: your perfect half would be a woman with the mentality of perhaps one of your gay friends or a gay person period.

This is right around as best as I can try to explain what you might be feeling, but once again, I'm not you so I cannot say exactly what you are feeling.

[The Madman]

I'm not attracted to men in the physical aspect but I have no problems with having sex with them, if you know what I mean, It would just take me a while to get aroused.

THIS IS CONFUSING TO WRITE

[Noirtier]

Yes. I would say yes. Guys can be so much nicer than lassies. They can be sweeter, gentler, and they understand what is going on in another guys head most of the time, since most guys operate by the guy code, they know when to help or when to back off.

So yes, I would say yes I am.

It could be possible for you to be straight with some sort of gay demisexual thrown in there, if that makes sense. Where one may need an emotional connection with someone of a certain sex in order to find them attractive. Let me tell you one thing though. In the end, all this is is a label. There is really no need to label yourself, it's just a word.

[The Madman]

I guess so

[Lost in the Echo]

^^ That is no help to me whatsoever. There is things I can do about it. If I go with the flow I will end up in someplace I know I won't like.

However you are correct. I do want to be straight. But if I turn out not to be, then that's fine with me. I know I will always be partially straight. I like women.

I'm not scared of falling for a guy. I'm scared of all the hassle I will receive for it. I know what people are like, and I hate them for it. ( Not gay people, the homophobes )

^ But it doesn't matter if I'm not attracted to guys, if they right guy came along then I would probably grow attracted to them. If that makes sense.

Why do you care so much what others will think?

Your life will be very dull, and shitty if you live for other people.
If you eventually do end up in a relationship with a guy, why care if people make fun of you?
Homomphobes are immature ignorant assholes anyway, it doesn't matter what they think.
As long as you're happy, that's all that matters.

[The Madman]

I'm one of those people who live for attention. I like being the center of attention. I like having friends and having fun.

I know most of my friends wouldn't care but things wouldnt be the same

[Penteract]

It could be possible for you to be straight with some sort of gay demisexual thrown in there, if that makes sense. Where one may need an emotional connection with someone of a certain sex in order to find them attractive. Let me tell you one thing though. In the end, all this is is a label. There is really no need to label yourself, it's just a word.

Perfectly worded. You can use gay, straight, bisexual, and many more in the list, it makes no difference whatsoever. If you want to have sex with a guy and not be in a relationship, do it. If you want to be with a girl, in a relationship or just sex alone, do it too. It really does not matter. What really matters is what will make YOU and only you happy. Screw what society thinks. If you declare yourself as 'gay' then you think you can't be with girls, or vise versus. Have the best of both worlds, be with the person you want to be with, regardless the gender. Trust me, if you don't like a specific person/gender, you'll notice like if it were anyone else, regardless.

[Penteract]

I'm one of those people who live for attention. I like being the center of attention. I like having friends and having fun.

I know most of my friends wouldn't care but things wouldnt be the same

Well then, this complicates things in the sense that if you keep thinking that your "friends" will be affected negatively because of you liking guys/girls or both, for that matter, then it is one of two: they are not your true friends (in the given case that the relationship were to be affected negatively) or you are just reacting in a pointless way. You said you hate homophobes, no? That would then mean your "friends" must not be homophobes if they're your friends. Which would thus mean that they'd remain by you no matter what you like. Just like you would to them.

[The Madman]

I know it's just a word. And I know they are just labels, and that I don't need one to be happy.

But somehow if I had a label for myself. It would be easier. If people ask, I can tell them and not just say I dont know all the time. It would make things seem more concrete instead of me always being confused as to who i prefer

[Penteract]

I know it's just a word. And I know they are just labels, and that I don't need one to be happy.

But somehow if I had a label for myself. It would be easier. If people ask, I can tell them and not just say I dont know all the time. It would make things seem more concrete instead of me always being confused as to who i prefer

Yeah, I understand perfectly.

[The Madman]

Yeah, I understand perfectly.

I don't want to say I'm straight which rules out being with guys.

I don't want to say gay which rules out being with girls.

I definately don't want to say Bisexual because it can mean, "Yeah i'd go out with youm or I could bang that guy and be just as happy" if you understand.

Pansexual sounds quite fine to me, but then I'd have to constantly explain what it actually means. Because people are too goddamn lazy to look it up and enlighten their view on the fucking world.

[Penteract]

Lol, yeah. People rather bug others with the simplest of questions just to free themselves from a second of looking up what something means. But Pansexual seems to be a perfect 'label' for yourself.

[The Madman]

Still I then have to go out of my way to explain it.

Stupid bastards.

Pardon my language.

[Penteract]

It's fine, I understand your frustration. By the way, not sure if you think like this but; all of my "I understand" this "I understand" that might make it seem like I'm being a bit of a hypocrite or something to get the conversation going or what not. But in reality, I actually mean what I say all the time. There's no point in lying about something, I'd rather say the blunt truth in occasions like these. I'd guess the only occasion I'd ever lie about (if even considered lying) is if someone's life was literally on the line and I could convince them with truths from that moment on, but that one lie took them off of the edge.

Anyway, my apologies for getting off-topic.

[The Madman]

I didn't doubt for one second that you were lying in all honesty. I didn't stop to think that someone would do that when I'm sharing my soul with strangers instead of my friends.

Though strangers are better in all honesty. They don't know you so they won't judge you, and give you pure unbiased advice.

[Penteract]

Precisely how I think. And even then, it's sometimes hard to share. I always think too outside the box, so it's all like: "Oh my god, what if my friends read this" and what not. But yeah, I do hope I helped at least a tad!

[The Madman]

If they do read it there is only a small chance they would know it was me. And yeah man, you've helped immensely, thank you. And I really mean that.

[Penteract]

You're very welcome! Now I can sleep well knowing I helped someone in my life. (No pun intended at all)

[The Madman]

Ah well it is almost 9.

I was shocked then I realised it is 2am my time.

[Penteract]

Lol, yeah. Scotties ftw.

[The Madman]

That is true. We Scotties do win.

[Penteract]

Yeah, no kidding. Ignoring the typical stereotypes of skirt, knife, and beer. Even though beer is more of an Irish stereotype.

[The Madman]

Getting sooo off topic here, I think mods are sleeping.

But I would said whiskey is more Irish.

[Penteract]

Ye. But anyway, enough of the off-topic before we get the undesired >:.