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View Full Version : Start of a Zombie Story... - Thoughts?


AndroFrydo
November 19th, 2012, 12:37 PM
“There has been an explosion at the nearby bio-chemical plant. The death roll keeps rising with the current figures at forty three dead and seventeen critically injured. The bodies of those killed in the explosion have been sent for post-mortem examination, the injured are being treated in a closed off ward in the royal infirmary. Investigators are currently unsure about what caused the disaster however it is thought that it was caused with malicious intent,” Said the newsreader.
Sapphire watched the thick black plumes of smoke rise from the burning building. Men wearing protective suits and masks were rushing around carrying specialised machinery.
“Now over to Chris for the latest Sports updates,” added the newsreader.
She finished her toast and hoisted her bag onto her shoulder then left.

“Wow, look. That’s not far from here is it?” Katsu said to his mother.
“No, just a few miles away,” she replied.
They both looked towards the television with that look of forced sympathy even though they knew that it would never affect them. Katsu left for the school bus with his sister Mai. When he arrived at school he went straight to the library where he and his friends met every morning. Sapphire was sitting on a battered looking padded chair explaining the news report to the group. Her hands would point, and flick and wave as she explained in an attempt to help make the story more dramatic. Katsu walked over and sat opposite her, nodding and adding his input to the story where he felt he should. Gordon slouched lazily in his chair making noises of surprise and disbelief at the tale, often adding his opinion in the form of a silly question like; “That’s kinda bad that, isn’t it?” Layla sat there not paying much attention. She never really cared about the news, Katsu would always try to teach her about politics and other things but she never understood or cared about any of it. Rachel walked in clinging arms with her best friend Charlie. Katsu looked up at them.
“Did you hear about the explosion?”
“Oh yeah, what actually happened,” replied Rachel.
Katsu explained, this time with Sapphire adding in the extra details.

His eyes opened. He could hear bleeping and talking. He couldn’t feel anything and there was a distinct smell of smoke and blood. Where was he? A nurse walked by quickly, and then shouted a doctor over to examine him. He shone a torch in his eyes and spoke to him, but the man had lost consciousness again. The doctors and nurses were running around, the place was hectic. The patients’ skin was blackened and melted, and the smell was awful. The pungent odour consisted of chemicals, blood, smoke and antiseptic liquid; the vile combination clung on the back of your throat. The large doors at the entrance of the ward swung open and five men wearing protective clothing strode in.
“I must insist that all staff evacuate immediately,” demanded one of the men.
“Excuse me but who the hell are you,” shouted the consultant.
Suddenly there was a piercing scream from the bay at the far end of the ward. A female nurse ran out her arm bleeding with a large bite mark missing from it. She collapsed before she reached the doctor at the opposite end of the ward. The men in protective suits pushed the doctor over and ran up to where the nurse had come from.

BrassMonkey
November 19th, 2012, 10:01 PM
I like it!!! It makes me want to continue to read it!

West Coast Sheriff
November 20th, 2012, 02:02 AM
Interesting! So far so good!

PrimedPenguin
November 22nd, 2012, 09:19 PM
This is pretty good I like the way you started off with the news broadcast it was a really good hook though for me the transition from the people in the library to the bitten nurse scene kinda confused me is there anyway you can clear that up a bit. Ott
Her than that I think you have a good start to a storie

survivor
November 24th, 2012, 01:51 PM
I like your style. I like the story to.