sophierocks
November 18th, 2012, 06:12 AM
I know I'm a bit old to be on here, and I haven't been on in ages, but I don't know what to do and I need to say something.
If you don't remember me from past threads, here is my story:
When I was only just born, I was a twin. Unfortunately, my sister died within the first month of our lifes. This probably is the part that pains me the least as I never really knew her.
When I was 7 I was diagnosed with lung cancer. After many months of chemotherapy the cancer was dehabilitated enough for it to be surgically removed. I was healthy again. But you can't forget being in the clinic where half of the people you see didn't make it.
When I was 14 my whole family, including me, were involved in a car crash. A truck ran into us on the highway at 110 kilometres an hour. I was the only one who survived. I had twin brothers next to me in the back and I still remember one of them giving up his last breath with a piece of metal stuck in his chest. It is so difficult to watch your family die in front of you while you live on.
I wanted to end it then. I was on the edge of a building about to jump when my best friend Jessica found me. We had been best friends for our entire lives. We were born on the same day in the same hospital. I would do anything for her. She managed to talk me out of it and even got her parents to adopt me as I had nowhere else to go.
Then, barely a year later, Jessica was gang raped. They totally destroyed her. She was in hospital for a month. I barely left her side until she could get out of bed and walk again. But even then I only left for school. She was so distraught. She became suicidal. One day when I was with her, she told me she was going to the bathroom, but she was gone for a very long time. But then I realised she was going to kill herself. I had been trying to get her out of those feelings but she was too determined. I managed to catch up with her on a 12th story balcony. I tried to get her to come back but she just looked at me, smiled and told me it was meant to be this way and to not worry about her. Then she stepped off.
I watched her fall and I was so angry at myself for not being able to help her like she had helped me. I jumped onto the ledge myself as she was still falling and was about to jump with her but she looked up at me and shook her head and I saw her say no. Those were Jessica's last words before she hit the ground.
When her parents found out they both went down the same path as she had gone. I was left with everyone who I had ever cared about or who had cared about me dead. I had no family, no friends, nothing. But yet I had to live on. After seeing my first and longest friend use her last moments to stop me from going over the edge I was determined to live on. I enrolled in a boarding school and met 5 girls who I am still friends with today. But no one could be a friend to me like Jessica had been.
When I was 16, I discovered that I had cancer again, in my lung again. I again had to endure long days in the clinic seeing people come in one day but be dead the next. A week before my 17th birthday I underwent surgery to remove the last of the cancer.
Only Jessica and the memory of her have managed to keep me getting up everyday and living life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be around today, alive and healthy. I owe it all to her but I couldn't help her in her time of need. That is the thing that has been toughest to me.
Well it gets worse. Last year, my cancer came back again. It's gone now but if my lungs lose any more tissue there will be some serious problems. But I can deal with that. This is the real problem.
Remember those 5 girls I mentioned earlier? Well they are gone. We were so close for so long that when something happened, it got bad quickly. At a party, we got drunk and it got wild. Two guys were trying to pick me up but when I refused, they got pushy. Rachel (one of the girls) told them to back off and they got up in her face. Eventually a fight broke out, Rachel was bashed to death. All because of her defending me. To make maters worse, Stephanie (another girl) drunk so much she got severe alcohol poisoning and also died.
Two of 6 in one party? That is ridiculous, but it didn't stop there. The two girls who were closest to Rachel and Stephanie chose to end it themselves. I lost another two of my only friends. But then it got worse.
It was down to just me and my best friend of all the girls, Katie. But on the way home from the last of the funerals, I was in another car crash. Katie didn't make it home.
And then there was one.
I have got to be the single most unlucky person on the planet. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everybody is gone. This time, there is nobody to stop me at the top of that building. But I don't know if I can even bring myself to do that. It would be an insult to Jessica and everybody else. But what else can I do? It's like I'm cursed. Everybody I have ever loved is gone. Am I eternally cursed to repeat this cycle where I find some people to be with, to care for and have care for me only to have them taken away from me? What can I do?
If you don't remember me from past threads, here is my story:
When I was only just born, I was a twin. Unfortunately, my sister died within the first month of our lifes. This probably is the part that pains me the least as I never really knew her.
When I was 7 I was diagnosed with lung cancer. After many months of chemotherapy the cancer was dehabilitated enough for it to be surgically removed. I was healthy again. But you can't forget being in the clinic where half of the people you see didn't make it.
When I was 14 my whole family, including me, were involved in a car crash. A truck ran into us on the highway at 110 kilometres an hour. I was the only one who survived. I had twin brothers next to me in the back and I still remember one of them giving up his last breath with a piece of metal stuck in his chest. It is so difficult to watch your family die in front of you while you live on.
I wanted to end it then. I was on the edge of a building about to jump when my best friend Jessica found me. We had been best friends for our entire lives. We were born on the same day in the same hospital. I would do anything for her. She managed to talk me out of it and even got her parents to adopt me as I had nowhere else to go.
Then, barely a year later, Jessica was gang raped. They totally destroyed her. She was in hospital for a month. I barely left her side until she could get out of bed and walk again. But even then I only left for school. She was so distraught. She became suicidal. One day when I was with her, she told me she was going to the bathroom, but she was gone for a very long time. But then I realised she was going to kill herself. I had been trying to get her out of those feelings but she was too determined. I managed to catch up with her on a 12th story balcony. I tried to get her to come back but she just looked at me, smiled and told me it was meant to be this way and to not worry about her. Then she stepped off.
I watched her fall and I was so angry at myself for not being able to help her like she had helped me. I jumped onto the ledge myself as she was still falling and was about to jump with her but she looked up at me and shook her head and I saw her say no. Those were Jessica's last words before she hit the ground.
When her parents found out they both went down the same path as she had gone. I was left with everyone who I had ever cared about or who had cared about me dead. I had no family, no friends, nothing. But yet I had to live on. After seeing my first and longest friend use her last moments to stop me from going over the edge I was determined to live on. I enrolled in a boarding school and met 5 girls who I am still friends with today. But no one could be a friend to me like Jessica had been.
When I was 16, I discovered that I had cancer again, in my lung again. I again had to endure long days in the clinic seeing people come in one day but be dead the next. A week before my 17th birthday I underwent surgery to remove the last of the cancer.
Only Jessica and the memory of her have managed to keep me getting up everyday and living life. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be around today, alive and healthy. I owe it all to her but I couldn't help her in her time of need. That is the thing that has been toughest to me.
Well it gets worse. Last year, my cancer came back again. It's gone now but if my lungs lose any more tissue there will be some serious problems. But I can deal with that. This is the real problem.
Remember those 5 girls I mentioned earlier? Well they are gone. We were so close for so long that when something happened, it got bad quickly. At a party, we got drunk and it got wild. Two guys were trying to pick me up but when I refused, they got pushy. Rachel (one of the girls) told them to back off and they got up in her face. Eventually a fight broke out, Rachel was bashed to death. All because of her defending me. To make maters worse, Stephanie (another girl) drunk so much she got severe alcohol poisoning and also died.
Two of 6 in one party? That is ridiculous, but it didn't stop there. The two girls who were closest to Rachel and Stephanie chose to end it themselves. I lost another two of my only friends. But then it got worse.
It was down to just me and my best friend of all the girls, Katie. But on the way home from the last of the funerals, I was in another car crash. Katie didn't make it home.
And then there was one.
I have got to be the single most unlucky person on the planet. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everybody is gone. This time, there is nobody to stop me at the top of that building. But I don't know if I can even bring myself to do that. It would be an insult to Jessica and everybody else. But what else can I do? It's like I'm cursed. Everybody I have ever loved is gone. Am I eternally cursed to repeat this cycle where I find some people to be with, to care for and have care for me only to have them taken away from me? What can I do?