Lies?

[CleoP]

Hey everyone,

There's this guy ("Joe") who I was involved with for over a month (ended about 3 days ago). He's been with a lot of girls, one of whom I've talked to, and has a terrible reputation.

People, including my best friend and one of Joe's exes, say that Joe cheats, lies and manipulates girls (and guys, he's bisexual) all the time. Joe and I were not officially in a relationship but I think he wanted to be. I hadn't heard of his reputation until a few weeks after we began to be involved with each other.

In the beginning, he was really nice to me and always complimented me. I was suspicious but I still hung out with him, skyped him, texted him, etc. It started fine, although I was always a little uncomfortable with him constantly texting other girls. His best friend is a girl, but my best friend is a guy, so I thought it wasn't a bad thing.

My best friend told me about Joe's reputation (that he was a cheater) a few weeks after I started hanging out with him. I confronted Joe (asking him if he's ever cheated), and he denied it, so I believed him. A week later, my best friend told me more about Joe, so I talked to Joe's ex, who is my friend. She basically told me that all the rumors are true, that he's a cheater, that he lies all the time without hesitation, that he always has another girl or guy that he's talking to, and that he makes mean jokes about people.

I, having to get it from him before believing it (even though both of the stories I had heard were almost identical), confronted him about lying to me that he has cheated. He denied it again. He told me that he has a lot of enemies and people spread rumors about him that were false. It was so convincing. I could hear the pain in his voice.

I just looked at him, and he said to me, "you don't have to believe me if you don't want to", turned and walked away. I left at that point, in disbelief because I had never met someone who lied that easily. I assumed that effectively ended it, and he hasn't contacted me since.


My question is, do you think he was lying?
Does anyone have experience with a liar like him? This puzzles me so much, mostly because I haven't come across a person who lies so easily even when being confronted.
How can I get over something like this? How can I trust someone again?


Please help, and sorry for the wall of text. :3

[Noirtier]

Do I think he was lying? Most certainly. He has that reputation for a reason hun, and I'm sure he's done it more than once. There comes a point when people get like that where lying becomes so natural they may not even notice they're doing it. And they certainly don't care. They have completely overcome their conscience at that point and lying brings them no guilt or harsh feelings. It's all about what benefits them at the moment. As for how you get over it, realize that it's not your fault. He deceived you, but there are people like that in this world. You have to realize that. You also have to realize that not everyone is like that. Just because you have one experience like this, you can't stop trusting everyone. Don't trust him, and know that other people aren't like that. Like your best friend, who you can trust. Focus on the people that you know you can trust, not the one you know you can't.

[CleoP]

Do I think he was lying? Most certainly. He has that reputation for a reason hun, and I'm sure he's done it more than once. There comes a point when people get like that where lying becomes so natural they may not even notice they're doing it. And they certainly don't care. They have completely overcome their conscience at that point and lying brings them no guilt or harsh feelings. It's all about what benefits them at the moment. As for how you get over it, realize that it's not your fault. He deceived you, but there are people like that in this world. You have to realize that. You also have to realize that not everyone is like that. Just because you have one experience like this, you can't stop trusting everyone. Don't trust him, and know that other people aren't like that. Like your best friend, who you can trust. Focus on the people that you know you can trust, not the one you know you can't.

Thanks for your reply.
The problem is, I have been deceived time and time again. This is not my first experience. I've been abused by men whom I knew for my entire life and that I trusted. I cringe when someone touches me inadvertently. Now, I have no trust for strangers.
How do I know if someone's trustworthy? I thought Joe was, and obviously I was wrong.

[saul1026]

just tell him you dont want anything to do with him and yes if your friend tell hes a cheater then hes a cheater so just dont get involved