quite messed up, help

[dannyley]

well here goes, its quite complicatedso bare with me,

:wub:well my best friend fancies this girl, who really likes him, but he won't go out with her because hes scared of what people will think, she asked him out but he changed the subject, basically saying no, and now she thinks that he doesnt like her anymore, when actually he really really likes her, but is scared of what people think, anyway she is now going out with someone else because she thinks he doesnt fancy her, but she still reallly really likes him even though shes going out with this other guy, so as this girl and my best mates are like my two best mates, i ask him why, and he says cos of what people think, i talk him around and tell her only to find she is secretly dating someone else but still has feelings of my best friend, its all quite messed up

any ideas on how I can help them?

[Hauptmann Kauffman]

It sounds as if you should let her run her course with the other guys, and eventually she and your friend will get together. At least thats what i think:D

[dannyley]

yer i suppose

[Serenity]

I think you need to give your friend a little hard truth- if he refuses to date someone because of what other people think, he's going to have a long and lonely life with no one to blame but himself. Imagine him, for years and years, never asking a single woman out because of course dating someone is something to be judged about? I've said it many a time before and I'll say it again, we all need to live our own lives, not the lives other people want us to live. Your friend may have just passed up a really great relationship and he may not get another chance.

[Hyper]

.. Of what other people think? Perhaps he doesn't like her enough

[Maverick]

I agree with Valerie but also what could be a possibility is that there's another reason behind it and "what people might think" might just be an excuse. Just a theory.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

I say SCREW what other people think! If it's what I really really wanted, I'd go for it! Unfortunately... I'm real shy... and the girl I like already has what looks like a "stoner" boyfriend that looks like he wants to hurt me. Oh dear.... :(

[mynameisjane]

i agree with hyper, and everyone else. he doesnt like her enough because if you really like someone, then it doesnt matter what everyone else thinks.

[BornActor]

if it was me i would definitely go out with her if i liked her. I would be in th same situation because me and my best friend r really close and people think i like her and she likes me but since she denies it i do too but i do actually like... anyway if she asked me out i would definitely go out with her regardless of what people said
So yea he probbly doesnt like her enough

[dannyley]

no he likes her enough, i mean really likes her, its just hes one of those paranoid people, like say something like new hairstyle, not sure you suit it, he will go all awkward and moody for the rest of the day, hes been bullied in the past by students in primary school for not been perfect, so thats why if somethings not perfect he will go awkward, it has nothing to do with the he dont like her factor

[Maverick]

Sounds like he's just really insecure and has lack of confidence.

[mynameisjane]

so he thinks she might make him look bad? like he thinks she might not be pretty enough? or not cool enough?

[dannyley]

Sounds like he's just really insecure and has lack of confidence.

yup, thats what i think, im slowly talking to im and raising his confidence


so he thinks she might make him look bad? like he thinks she might not be pretty enough? or not cool enough?

no, he just lacks any confidence in himself anf thinks he will make her look bad

[mynameisjane]

OHH, i see. yeah, he needs to build some confidence. he should get a self-help book or something.

[dannyley]

well i dont know how he would feel about me giving him a self help book thingy, i htink it would probably upset him more, so i will probably buy one and try to boost his confidence by just talking 2 him

[mynameisjane]

well i know sports boosts confidence so maybe you can try to get him into sports, or anything you work hard to get good at. if you want to build confidence you try to look at what it is about yourself that is making you feel ugly. like if i feel fat, then losing weight gives me confidence. or if i dont like my hair i get a haircut. or if my grades are bad i study more to make them good. or even learning a new song on my guitar makes me feel good about myself. and if its something i can't fix then i just remember that nobody's perfect. so yeah just ask him what it is about himself that he wants to improve.

[dannyley]

thanks uvee been alot of help!

but hes not fat and theirs nowt wrong with his hair so i'll get him in2 sports or summat like u sed