Jupiter
November 12th, 2012, 11:39 PM
i've pretty much been freaking out for over a week now. i can't stop and be nice for a while. i've lost 3 of my closest friends, and one self harmed and blamed it on me.
well on monday- friday i've been searching for a date to sweet heart, otherwise i can't go. i really wanted to go, no matter how much i said i didn't care. we also had finals on thursday and friday, so i had been studying like i had never studied before. it was crazy, and i only passed 3 of the four i needed to....... there was a lot riding on all of this. mom and i have been getting along, but only because we have to. my self harm and eating disorder lately has just been a mess. i attempted just a few weeks ago, and i don't do that often.
friday mom and i watched paranormal activity 2 and 3, which was scary as fuck. i know, i know "it's not that scary eric!" no but really. after a week of studying, i needed to relax and sleep in. but i couldn't. i had a speech meet and had to be up at 5. so i had fewer than 6 hours of sleep. then at the speech meet.. i won't even bring that up. it's a whole other story... but after wards, someone made fun of me for not going to the dance. so i went to grandmas, and someone needed help with something self harm related. and honestly, it triggered me more than anything. so i was on edge, no happiness. just being a dick. so to my best friend who ended up grinding that night after she told me ample times that she didn't want to.. i was upset at her for either lying to me, or being pressured into something. when i tried to tell her that i wasn't pleased, she started getting way defensive. we shot things back and forth until the final straw, i said something that i REALLY shouldn't.. it was about 6 pages long in a text. she ended up self harming for the first time, and blamed it on me. i ended up doing the same thing, too fucking many cuts. 86 really... after i ended up telling my ex almost boyfriend, he told me that he was never going to talk to me again. so that's my best friend and my second best friend. then after i was invited to the movies to help calm me down, that was fun really, *best friend's* boyfriend yelled at me for making her cut herself.. which i never intended to do. and today, no one talked to me. the only thing that was good was dad taking me to see another movie. it's good cuz i needed it. i got home and callie wanted help with her homework and just yelled at me the entire time that everything i do is wrong. so i went to my room, and i got another day 0. and here i am now.
i just don't know what to do :(
well on monday- friday i've been searching for a date to sweet heart, otherwise i can't go. i really wanted to go, no matter how much i said i didn't care. we also had finals on thursday and friday, so i had been studying like i had never studied before. it was crazy, and i only passed 3 of the four i needed to....... there was a lot riding on all of this. mom and i have been getting along, but only because we have to. my self harm and eating disorder lately has just been a mess. i attempted just a few weeks ago, and i don't do that often.
friday mom and i watched paranormal activity 2 and 3, which was scary as fuck. i know, i know "it's not that scary eric!" no but really. after a week of studying, i needed to relax and sleep in. but i couldn't. i had a speech meet and had to be up at 5. so i had fewer than 6 hours of sleep. then at the speech meet.. i won't even bring that up. it's a whole other story... but after wards, someone made fun of me for not going to the dance. so i went to grandmas, and someone needed help with something self harm related. and honestly, it triggered me more than anything. so i was on edge, no happiness. just being a dick. so to my best friend who ended up grinding that night after she told me ample times that she didn't want to.. i was upset at her for either lying to me, or being pressured into something. when i tried to tell her that i wasn't pleased, she started getting way defensive. we shot things back and forth until the final straw, i said something that i REALLY shouldn't.. it was about 6 pages long in a text. she ended up self harming for the first time, and blamed it on me. i ended up doing the same thing, too fucking many cuts. 86 really... after i ended up telling my ex almost boyfriend, he told me that he was never going to talk to me again. so that's my best friend and my second best friend. then after i was invited to the movies to help calm me down, that was fun really, *best friend's* boyfriend yelled at me for making her cut herself.. which i never intended to do. and today, no one talked to me. the only thing that was good was dad taking me to see another movie. it's good cuz i needed it. i got home and callie wanted help with her homework and just yelled at me the entire time that everything i do is wrong. so i went to my room, and i got another day 0. and here i am now.
i just don't know what to do :(