How to be "unavailable"?

[torry]

So my ex and I are on the path to getting back together. We kinda rushed into it at first, kissing and acting like we're together, but we're both scared of officially being together (well he is). So we've taken a step back, and we just hug, hold hands, etc. We're "talking" I guess. No labels. I hate this. And he pretty much has all the power. I know that you're supposed to, you know, make yourself unavailable so the other person will want you more, I've just become so bad at that. He used to be all over me, and he was the one scrambling to be with me. Then that switched, and now he acts a bit uninterested and it freaks me out. What can I do to switch it back, and get him to chase after me again?

[FreeFall]

You be yourself. I know it hurts but those tricks, and games, they're fire. They can back-fire as easily as they could work, take the safer route hun. That way you can say that you were you, and you won't beat yourself up over having tried to hard to be so distant that it worked they wrong way.

If anyone were to be playing "hard to get" or make themselves "unavailable" to me, I'd see that as a sign that I'm bothering them and I'd leave them alone.

He is either comfortable with you, where the relationship is or the pace at which it's going. Boys will not always be all over you 24/7, once they get comfortable, they seem to save it for special occasions.

Talk to him. Sit him down and explain how you're feeling. For all you know, he may not be aware of how you feel, men aren't the world's greatest mind readers, hell not many people in general are. Communication is key in all relationships, communicate your feelings to him (: Good luck!

[torry]

I just don't want to push him away again, you know? I was a bit clingy the first time, and I don't want it to happen again. I've explained, and he says "We're fine now, this is normal, of course I like you, have I done anything to prove otherwise?" And when I look back, he hasn't, and I know he's right, it just is disconcerting. Maybe its just because I'm afraid of losing him again, and he used to be all over me. Thank you for responding :) I need to be myself, just...repress the clingy-ness..

[KillerKing]

You be yourself. I know it hurts but those tricks, and games, they're fire. They can back-fire as easily as they could work, take the safer route hun. That way you can say that you were you, and you won't beat yourself up over having tried to hard to be so distant that it worked they wrong way.

If anyone were to be playing "hard to get" or make themselves "unavailable" to me, I'd see that as a sign that I'm bothering them and I'd leave them alone.

He is either comfortable with you, where the relationship is or the pace at which it's going. Boys will not always be all over you 24/7, once they get comfortable, they seem to save it for special occasions.

Talk to him. Sit him down and explain how you're feeling. For all you know, he may not be aware of how you feel, men aren't the world's greatest mind readers, hell not many people in general are. Communication is key in all relationships, communicate your feelings to him (: Good luck!

Why are you so good at advice?

I just don't want to push him away again, you know? I was a bit clingy the first time, and I don't want it to happen again. I've explained, and he says "We're fine now, this is normal, of course I like you, have I done anything to prove otherwise?" And when I look back, he hasn't, and I know he's right, it just is disconcerting. Maybe its just because I'm afraid of losing him again, and he used to be all over me. Thank you for responding :) I need to be myself, just...repress the clingy-ness..

I see what your saying. Freefall is right though, don't try and be something else in hopes to attract him more. Maybe because you were trying to make yourself unavailable he was getting the impression you didn't want him. I know I would. And seen as I am a guy myself, Freefall is totally (Annoyingly) right. We do save it for special occasions but I don't mean just sex if that's what Freefall was implying.

If I was in your position, i wouldn't completely repress the clinginess but try and get on the same level as him. I say don't completely repress the clinginess because I know I love it when my girlfriend gets clingy (In a good way) but not 24/7, that would just annoy me. Try and match up with him and get on the same page. Reassure him you do still want him and hope he says it back.

Good luck :)

[torry]

I took ya'll's advice, and now we're pretty much on the same level :) We just hug, but its all very chill, so thats a good thing. I don't freak over the little things anymore. Thanks guys! Its only been 2 weeks of this "talking" so I know we've got a ways to go, but whats the next step to getting back together completely?