Fighting.

[dingo006]

Ive got a friend who tends to start fights. there is like 4 of us who have been hanging out since we were like 12 and we are super close. sometimes when we are in social situations and someone who is not in our friend group messes with him he is willing to throw down kinda quickly. It has kinda been this way for awhile. he starts a punch up and we jump in to break it up (usually with shots of our own) we have been thrown out of boys and girls club dances for it. we have been asked to leave restaurants and escorted home by police from movie theaters. It happens less often now then it used to but when it happens its usually a big fight.

How do i get across the point that this is bad and eventually we could all get hurt bad or worse thrown in jail?

I cant sit there and let him get beat up, ive tried.

I dont know what to do.

[FreeFall]

Oh no no no. You know what you need to do, you just don't want to do it.
Are you triyng to tell me that your friend really has no idea that sarting a fight and disrupting the community, is a bad thing?

He's aware unless something's wrong with him and there probably is. He sounds pathetic. Why's he punching everyone that pisses him off? Is he autistic or just an asshole?

He's the first to attack from the sound of it, why's he need you homeboys to jump in? He's big enough to start, he's big enough to get his ass handed to him. Stop protecting him and let him learn a lesson for once. You're really not helping not that you can.

Ifnot, enjoy jail or juvie, wherever they put you.

[dingo006]

He doesnt always throw the first punch but he has a mouth on him and he antagonizes people. he is kind of a dick. He talks people into fighting him usually (but if pushed he will throw the first punch) he does it sometimes to get a reaction. it is just how do I tell him that its usually his fault.

He gets mouthy.

I just dont want him to get hurt.

[Athlete15]

He doesnt always throw the first punch but he has a mouth on him and he antagonizes people. he is kind of a dick. He talks people into fighting him usually (but if pushed he will throw the first punch) he does it sometimes to get a reaction. it is just how do I tell him that its usually his fault.

He gets mouthy.

I just dont want him to get hurt.

I will say I understand where you are coming from, because watching someone you care about get hurt is not something anyone wants to experience. However, do you think that it would hurt him more to let him get a little ass kicking before breaking it up to open his eyes, or keep assisting him in fighting until one day he ends up in jail, or even worse messes with the wrong person and weapons are drawn?

I'm not saying blindside him. First talk to your friend and say that you can't keep supporting these meaningless, unnecessary fights for your own safety and the safety of your friends. Maybe that will be enough to stop him from mouthing off to someone next time. But if its not, then at least he won't be surprised when fists get thrown and you guys don't step in to help him.

I hope this helps. It's a pretty tough situation because there is no clear 'win-win' scenario unless talking to him about it truly gets through to him. Good luck.

[FreeFall]

Your friend is abusive. Your friend is abusive. Your friend is abusive. Your friend is abusive. The sooner you realize that and stop calling him an asshole and see him for what he really is, Your friend is abusive., the better.

He doesnt always throw the first punch but he has a mouth on him and he antagonizes people.
Doesn't matter. He still starts it, he's harassing people, pushing their buttons. Are they right for hitting him? no but he's asking for it, let him get it. He's 7 years old in mentality, let him grow up, quit holding his precious little hand in his battles.
he is kind of a dick.
No he IS a dick. He's a big fat asshole that thinks he's every right to be the bully, and you guys are enabling him! Because he has you guys to fight along side him, he's dragging you down and thinking "I can totally piss this guy off, my homies will help me". He's a dick and you guys are no better in being his back-up.
He talks people into fighting him usually (but if pushed he will throw the first punch) he does it sometimes to get a reaction.
So he's a whiny ass brat that likes attention? Why're you guys with him? Is it fun to collect points in being kicked out of everywhere you go? Do you like not having many people like you because of the asshole that pushes people around and walks the big stuff but really he's chicken shit without you guys there?
it is just how do I tell him that its usually his fault.
How does one tell a rapist to stop raping? How does one tell an abuser to stop hitting them? How does one tell a pedophile to stop loving children?

You don't.

You can't do anything. You'll probably piss him off and he'll hit you. Then what? You hit him back? You can't help him, your jerk "friend" needs professional help. There's something wrong in his head, or he's probably very fully aware of everything he's doing and he just doesn't care.

He gets mouthy.
My neck itches. Oh wait, that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if he's got a pet goat or if he's the Pope's illegitimate child. Are you trying to make an excuse? Are you against putting any responsibility (which is almost all of it) on him? Boo hoo, he gets mouthy. That's just another thing to add on him being an asshole. I bet all the ladies just flock to him. Ugh.

I just dont want him to get hurt.

You don't want a guy that bullies people, pushes their buttons to get a reaction, hits anyone that makes him angry, gets kicked out of places for fighting, and relies on you guys to enable him, to not get hurt?
What you're saying is the same as a 8 year old saying they're going to build a rocket ship and time travel and invent a new species of animals tomorrow.

It won't happen and you're really standing in the way of him facing reality. Quit enabling him, pick better friends and get out before you realize how abusive he can be.
Or have fun in jail, juvie, wherever they put you. There's nothing you can do, he needs a professional, not his homeboy enables him.

[DerBear]

Free Fall has given excellent advice here.

I will only add that you know you need to speak to your friend and tell him that if he doesn't straighten his way and doesn't stop rising to the challenge of what other people say to him then he is going to end up in a bad place.

Talk to him about it because he'll only drag himself down or he might even drag you down with him.

[dingo006]

Thanks for the help. Im sorry Freefall if i sounded frustrated I just could never imagine there being a fight and not trying to get in the middle. I think we are going to have like sit down talk with the 4 of us and his older brother and try to talk it out.

Oh and Free, he never hits me because i never alfa male him like that. Ive also talked to our old guidance councilor about this and he told me i have to look at why he doesnt fight us but fights strangers. i hope talking helps. I dont want to enable him and I know that when i go off to college next year i wont be able to protect him anymore but i couldnt imagine just standing there while he gets beat up or worse while he beats a kid smaller then him. its just not who i am.