My parents....

[Mob Boss]

I normally don't post threads involving my personal issues because, frankly, I don't care about people knowing issues that I'm going through. It makes me feel vulnerable, and I don't like feeling that way. Well, I'm here posting one because I couldn't take it. I don't have anyone (I don't want to tell my friends for various reasons) besides my sisters to talk to about this, and they're burying their heads in the sand to avoid it all together. My parents have been together for 22 years, and are two of the best parents, despite how much I complain about them at times. Anyways, they've both always been there for me with different roles - my dad being the protector, and my mom teaching me to learn from my mistakes but also sharing her's with me so I don't make the same. The other day I found out they are getting a divorce. At first I took it fine, because they've threatened this before, but the idea never actually took; they'd end up apologizing to one another yadda, yadda, yadda. But I went to visit them last night and it's real this time. My dad's moving out soon. My mom's filing all the necessary paperwork. I've never pictured this happening because they were the picturesque couple, and used to love each other like no couple I'd seen. My mom called me the other day and said they'd been having problems, and she didn't love him anymore, and would have been gone awhile ago if it weren't for her girls. That hit me like a ton of bricks because she kept saying she was "sorry" after confessing that to me, which made it seem so honest and real. Ummm I know most children don't interefere during their parents issues but my sisters and I are all grown, so they both feel they can confide in us and be honest. Not to mention, we've always been an extremely close-knit family. Anyways, I thought I would be okay, but I can't stop crying tonight. I've been crying on and off ever since I got home. The one friend I have told, told me it wasn't my business. That'd be true if it wasn't involving my family....but it is. My dad looked so sad earlier, and they started arguing, then my dad and I started arguing. He thinks I'm against him... Like I said, I honestly don't know what to do. I know the generic answer would be to do nothing and let whatever they're going through happen and try to keep myself together, but I broke down in class earlier today thinking about it. I feel like I'm talking to a wall when I try to talk to my sister about it. My other sister lives hours away and never talks to me unless it's convenient for her. I didn't think it was real, but it is this time. It feels like my whole family is tearing apart. I'm sorry if this is all mush, but I can't keep it bottled up.

[FreeFall]

Well, it's better they be single and happy than together and miserable. I am sorry though that this is happening and the world you once knew is gone.

They stuck it out so you kids would have a complete family, what you're feeling is how wrong that was for them to do and selfish it was. They were using you guys as band-aids. They were using you as the reason for having stuck together. That puts SO much burden on your shoulders, you and your siblings were the reason they were together. You guys were the reason they had a relationship. That's just fucked up and I'm pretty angry your parents were that selfish. They've showed you what not to do when you're miserable, use your kids as the scapegoat to "stick it out."
You may need to take time away from BOTH of them until the divorce and everything's settled. You may be coming off as "taking your mother's side" to your dad, and that'll make him blow up. If you tread wrongly, your mom will blow up at you.

Your friend's right, it isn't your business. Does it involve your family? Yes. Were you a part of your parent's marriage? No. They married each other, were with each other, the only ones involved are them.

They have no right to confide in you, you are still their child not their best friend from school to go and talk about relationships with. Do not let them "blow off steam" or "update" you about THEIR problems/marriage/divorce. That only puts you in the middle, stresses you out, and will give them loaded guns full of ammo to shoot at each other and they'll force you to a corner.
Blow off all the steam you want, just do not let them refill your steam. Go knock over trees, go hug a kitty, do what you need but keep yourself out of it and out of the line of fire.

This place and us are always here for you hun. You can tell us about the color of your pants if it makes you happy! We're all here for you, just let us be there to help : D

[Mob Boss]

Thanks so much for your reply, FreeFall. Yeah, I know they'd be happier off seperate, but it's still difficult to wrap my head around it all. It makes me sad more than angry that they felt like they had to endure what was an apparently dreadful last few years together. I'm not angry at either of them. And I know from an outsider's viewpoint it'd seem like they were miserable all the time or were pawning problems off and using us as the reason to stay, but truthfully they loved each other. I think these past few years just the idea of having the same partner, and their children together, kept them tethered together. I think what's got me most upset is my dad's reaction to all of this, and the fact that he thinks I'd ever choose either of them over the other. Yeah, I think our relationships. - as my sisters and I grew up - became those of a friendship than a daughter. Again, thank you for the reply. I'm definitely staying away from hem both so I can concentrate on school, so I'm going to stay with a friend for a few days. His parents have been through a similar situation, and I've yet to tell him, but I'm sure he'll be understanding and helpful.

[Jimmy Page]

Remember,if you ever need to get off some steam you can pm me anytime
Love you you goob :hug3:

[Cicero]

im sorry bridge :(

I know it is a difficult thing to deal with, most of my friends dealt with this at an older age too. Luckily, my parents got divorced with I was like 6. They (friends)told me that it took time to cope with their parents divorce, all you can do is just hope for the best and be there for your parents. Its hard for everyone, both you and your parents. As much as I hate saying this, there isn't to much you can do. Its better that they do what they must, so they can be happy. Instead of the fighting and argueing. They still love you more than anything, and nothing will change in the aspect of your relationship with your mom and dad. Just try to ask your parents if they can keep the divorce 'nice'. Ask them if they can get along after and if they can stay mutual 'friends'. My parents get along fairly nicely, but they tend to argue a lot under stress. Its the worse thing watching parents argue. Assure them that you are not mad at them (even though you might be a little angry and sad) and that you will be there for them. Over time you will heal, and it will become a normal part of living. How I think at my parents divorce, is now there are more people that love me (step dad/mom) and that there are more people in my life that I can care about. If you really want to try to do something, just (as said earlier) ask them that they stay mutual friends after and ask that they stay on a respective level with each other. I hope I helped and gave helpful advice :whoops: EDIT: Dont feel like its your fault at all, cause its not. If they did stay together for you guys, if anything, that shows how much they love you, they didn't at all want you kids to feel burdened by it, but they wanted you to feel like a family. It shows how unselfish they actually are. honestly, your dad might be feeling a little vulnerable himself if he thinks that you are choosing your mom over him. Dont be mad at him for that cause he himself is going through a rough bump in his life. As a father, he probably feels like the daughter might be closer to the mother. I know that my dad feels sometimes that I'm on my moms side, just because it is that 'special' bond a mother has with her child.

If you want to talk to me about this or ask questions or blow off steam you can always PM me :) just know that we all care about you and theres no reason to feel vulnerable :hug: