He's Bi, I'm gay. The problem: He's religious.

[TheHumanSpirit]

I have problem.

I really like this guy who likes that I like him, and I feel like he likes me but is afraid to show it because he hates himself for liking guys and he invited me to sleep over in his dorm so I wouldn't feel lonely one night and he asked if I was comfortable on the floor... He ended up letting me on his bed, holding me & kissing me, and long story short, we both ended up naked the next morning (no sex). I thought he was disappointed that I didn't cum (TMS) because he wasn't really moving much but then all of the sudden he gasped and said "oh no, this can't be happening" and panicked, then he started crying, took a shower, ran to the laundry room with the sheets and his clothes, and told me to leave him alone. Then he ran off. Oh, and he was suicidal a couple of years ago I guess, maybe even more recent.

So I called his best friend and he helped him through it. I texted the guy about it and he asked what happened because it was a blur to him after his blood pressure got elevated. He told me that he felt like he was going to go to hell for sure now and not even God could forgive him. I really like him, and I think he likes me because the conversation ended with him agreeing that if he changed his mind about being able to be with me, he'd let me know.

What can I do to help him? I like him. I would never want to get in the way of his values or religious beliefs, but at the same time I don't want him to live a life where he feels divinely judged. I want him to feel capable of being with me. Help!!


BTW: I'm religious too. I just have different views on our shared religion.

[ReginaGeorge]

Try to get the message across 'God' makes everyone exactly how they're supposed to be, despite the bible and crazy nut jobs. If God didn't want him to be interested in guys, then why would he? Sexuality is beautiful and loving people is beautiful and sex is beautiful and natural, even between two guys (not that you guys have to have it).

Just don't make any sexual innuendos or advances or anything, pretend he's 5 years old and doesn't know where babies come from yet. No sexual stuff at all. Just be his friend. Be there for him. Let him know you're there for him. Emphasize how much it is okay to be whoever he is.

[TheHumanSpirit]

Thanks. This is what I've been trying to do. He's not listening though.

Another issue for me: that was my first kiss. Every night before I go to sleep I think about what it would be like for that to happen again, but then I think about what happened when he went out crying. I just want him to know he's loved by God and everyone else, but idk what to tell him anymore.

[Stryker125]

I've learned recently that you can't save people. You can only love them. You're on the right track. Just be there for him as best you can. He needs to understand that God made him exactly as he was meant to be, but it's between him and god. He's got to come to that on his own. Just hang in there, things will work out :)

[dusman77]

I can kinda see how he feels, since I feel exactly like him. I often get scared when I think I'm bi and think I'll go to hell. Honestly, if that were me, I would have freaked out after the first kiss. I hate that you have to experience him like this, but just realize that he, like me, is going through a really tough time. I know how hard it is to be a religious person like him and find out you may be bi. As for advice, I dunno really what to say other than respect his beliefs and understand that he's going through a lot. He's really lucky he has a friend like you to care about him as he goes through this, that may help him a lot knowing he's not going through it alone. I wiah I had a friend like that. And about that suicidal thing? I don't know what to say since I've been there... Just respect his privacy. I wish I could talk to him and try to help directly, but oh well. If you don't mind, if something happens, could you update this? I'd like to know what happens. Good luck.
-dusman77

[TheHumanSpirit]

We were texting last night and he was saying that I went about this the wrong way because I wasn't his friend first and what we did felt so wrong to him. He said that he could try to fake it for me if I wanted and he said that what we did was a mistake. :\

[dusman77]

I'm sorry. :/ I do know how he feels though. If you wanna talk about it, PM me. I can tell you exactly how he feels. Or if you want I could PM you. But I'm here for you, this is by far the thread I like best just because I can relate to it so much.