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View Full Version : Russian Supercriminal Makes Off With 80,000 Pounds of Walnuts


Fractured Silhouette
November 2nd, 2012, 06:51 PM
In a seemingly flawless heist, a man has stolen 80,000 pounds of walnuts over two separate incidents.

Two truckloads of walnuts totaling 80,000 pounds have been reported stolen in Tehama County, California. When a huge load of nuts was reported as never arriving in Miami, deputies with the Tehama County Sheriff's Office connected the crime to the theft, only a few days earlier, of 40,000 pounds of walnuts bound for Texas. Granted, this didn't take a huge amount of deductive reasoning, as there's likely only one person on the whole planet who would steal 40,000 pounds of walnuts in the first place. The Sheriff's suspect list is only a single man, a delivery driver who managed to pick up the two shipments of walnuts under false pretenses.

For all the seeming insanity of the crime, the 80,000 pounds of protein-packed, nutty goodness is worth nearly $300,000. The impostor driver is apparently well connected and had planned the heist, because he was equipped with the correct purchase numbers to pick up the shipment. After checking with the Texas-based recipient of the walnuts, deputies discovered that the man who picked them up wasn't the man hired for the job. The nut-thieving conman is described as a 6' 2" Caucasian male with a "very distinctive Russian accent" driving a white semi. Presumably, the man also has a love of walnut filled brownies, or perhaps cakes, and a strong talent for social engineering.

This is the second high profile food theft in October, the first being the now solved great maple syrup heist (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/05/maple-syrup-seized-canada-heist-600-barrels_n_1942575.html). Given the proximity of the two thefts I can only suspect that the world has a new ring of food thieves, concocting some sticky-salty-sweet schemes of global catastrophe.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/120473-Russian-Supercriminal-Makes-Off-With-80-000-Pounds-of-Walnuts

This guy must be nuts. (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Noirtier
November 2nd, 2012, 07:19 PM
That guy must have had one hell of a hankering for nuts. But seriously, like it said, that's a good $300,000 he would be able to make off of those if they don't catch him. Interesting that obscene amounts of food seems to have become the next big "thing" in robberies though.

FreeFall
November 2nd, 2012, 08:53 PM
Walnuts. Next he'll steal all of our acorns!

He could really make some money, seems an odd way to do it but since it's such an odd thing to steal...probably somewhat smart.

Gigablue
November 2nd, 2012, 09:05 PM
Of all the things to steal, he somehow chose walnuts. He could make some money, but it seems like a hassle to steal 80 000 pounds of them.

Mothership
November 2nd, 2012, 09:35 PM
Well damn, that's a lot of walnuts.

xXJust Jump ItXx
November 2nd, 2012, 09:45 PM
I like walnuts, maybe I can get a hook up. :P Hahaha

Mortal Coil
November 2nd, 2012, 10:36 PM
omg walnuts!!11!!!!!1

This is actually pretty smart. It'll make him money, but it's so absurd that the crime-solvers lack support.

Lyra Heartstrings
November 3rd, 2012, 12:59 AM
Just get search squirrels or something. Then we'll find him.
/horriblejokes

Perfectly Flawed
November 3rd, 2012, 10:56 PM
Not going to lie, I kinda want him to get away with this.

Infidelitas
November 3rd, 2012, 11:53 PM
Who the fuck would steal nuts?

TigerBoy
November 5th, 2012, 06:51 AM
Who the fuck would steal nuts?

This guy?

http://rookery.s3.amazonaws.com/943000/943179_e082_625x1000.jpg

Mortal Coil
November 5th, 2012, 07:34 AM
Who the fuck would steal nuts?

Syphilis and testicular cancer do it pretty often...