Arraigned Marriages

[FreeFall]

I just got a wedding invite. My friend's marrying some girl his parents picked for him. That's fine and all, good for him, hope he's happy, I wish them well in their new life together, but then he pretty much dunked me in boiling water by attacking me for "free dating".
He feels I'm, Westerners in general, foolish in thinking we can find the one we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Once upon a time marriages didn't happen without the father's blessings, he said those were the times when love was real and divorce was something evil and unheard of. He tried to convince me to get my parents into sending me to a matchmaker so I don't suffer the typical fate of an American woman, the dreaded divorce, gag me.
He said there'd be less abuse, less bastard babies, less STDs/STIs, less cheating and somehow a smoother economy, if we all stopped dating "random" people and just shacked up with someone "matched" to us by our parents.

I say I'd run away at the first hint of my parents trying to control my life like that. They'd be picking the person I'm going to vow to spend my life with, they're picking the guy I'd have children with. They're pre-determining what child-in-laws I will have in the long run, and who's children I'm going to be a grandmother to. The people I'll be a sister in law to, daughter in law to, I'd rather I have the say in that. Sounds very unfair to me to just generalize that the people who "free-date" are going to be filled with sexual transmitted infections and diseases, have many out of wed-lock children, and end up miserable and divorced.

What do you guys feel about it? Love it, wish you had it, think it's stupid? Should they even be allowed in a country founded for freedom?

[West Coast Sheriff]

My opinion on this is that if you never get to choose the person you love then it won't ever be true love.

[Jess]

My opinion on this is that if you never get to choose the person you love then it won't ever be true love.

That's not necessarily true. Sometimes arranged marriages can work out quite well and you can grow to love your partner very much.

[ArsenicCatNip]

In my opinion I think it's wrong because a person might not be ready to get married, and support a family or own up to responsibilities of marriage(I'm not necessarily talking about "cheating" but financial things) and ultimately their parents are trying to think that this person would be compatible for them when that's not always the case.

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

Like Jess said, sometimes they work. But again, it doesnt for everyone and well they dont get a change to see other people who could be a better match. Along with being either or both people may not be ready for marriage, for all they know the guy is a jerk and abusive! Id never want or do a arranged marriage.

[FreeFall]

Like Jess said, sometimes they work. But again, it doesnt for everyone and well they dont get a change to see other people who could be a better match. Along with being either or both people may not be ready for marriage, for all they know the guy is a jerk and abusive! Id never want or do a arranged marriage.

See I was thinkin that too. Parents only want to see the good in their kids, most of the time. So they'll ignore if they have an asshole kid that's ok with beating their spouse. And if the only person you'll have ever been involved with romantically is someone your parents set you up with, how can you deal with the abuse and like not same your family for going against their match by trying to save yourself?

[TheWaterPrince]

I see it as if your parents decide it for you then you'll never know if you could have found someone else I completely dislike arranged marriages and don't see the point because you should let your heart decide who you want to spend your life with not let your parents control your life with their wishes.

[Human]

I think as long as both of the people getting married are okay with their parents choosing, then there's no problem.

[Mortal Coil]

What do you guys feel about it? Love it, wish you had it, think it's stupid? Should they even be allowed in a country founded for freedom?

Disclaimer: The following represents my personal views on arranged marriages. I accept that they are a part of certain cultures and do not wish to interfere with that.

I think that arranged marriage is understandable - in its historical context, which it has outgrown. Before human rights were an issue, that was how harmony was maintained. Morally, it is wrong to impinge upon another's free will and treat them as a commodity, but a few centuries ago it looked more like this: Parents know better, they know whether the spouse will be able to support their child, how it will impact interfamilial and political relations etc. So I get that. In this day and age, and especially in America, it has no place. It even goes against Article 16 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights:


(1) Men and women of full age, without any limitation due to race, nationality or religion, have the right to marry and to found a family. They are entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage and at its dissolution. (2) Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of the intending spouses. (3) The family is the natural and fundamental group unit of society and is entitled to protection by society and the State.

[Desuetude]

My family being Hindu are made up of arranged marriages. Both of my grandparents had their marriages arranged, it only stopped in my parents generation and I think that's partly because they moved to England.

I don't think it's right. It can really mess shit up. I know my dads parents were happy together before my grandfather died in '97 but my mums parents are not happy at all. My grandfather orders his wife around, he abuses her as he did his children and you really cannot call it a healthy relationship. People should be allowed to pick who they are spending the rest of their life with or they are likely to be liable to hold resentment against that person which isn't going to make a very healthy relationship or future for them.

[nice]

Usually even if the parents choose their partner they have to get along they have some say.