I think I'm losing my only friend

[kalevos]

Hello everybody, this is my first post on this forum. I am male, 17, and I am from Argentina, that partly explains my horrible English, which I am sorry for.

Well... all my life I was very antisocial. I used to not talk too much to people, and to not talk at all when I knew new people, or to girls. I always avoided go buying things, no matter the cost, because I didn't want to talk to storekeepers. Now I'm recovering, I can talk to strangers, and girls, but it's not totally gone. I still almost don't talk, I'm always nervous when doing it in person, except only with my family (but I am not totally comfortable with them either), and if there are two or more people talking I never get into the conversation. I don't even speak clear, I babble.

Also, I never could make true friends, those friends you can rely on, and who can rely on you, which you can talk with about everything. I had no one of those, at all. My good friends were those I were confident to talk, joke and play, but I could never tell them about my problems, or hearing theirs. I am only able to have superficial friendships, not deep ones.

I think it is because I am very unsure of myself and have always been afraid of hurting people, so I've always simply chosen to not even try. Hurting people is actually one of my strongest fears, along with losing people I love (that's another reason why I didn't want to love anyone).

Now I'm trying for the first time to make a true good friend. I knew a girl 4 o 5 months ago by chat, I like her very much, and she likes me too (or used to); I can safely say that she's my friend. She has a hard life and appreciates my help.

However, I think that I took some distance from her, even when I promised to do not so, and I don't want to at all. It is involuntary. I guess it is because I suffer for her when she tell me about her problems, I get really nervous at times and I realize now that I deliberately avoided chatting with her sometimes. I used to get nervous, have nausea and cry when talking... Well, I think I'm nervous even with the idea of having a good friend itself.

Furthermore, I don't always feel like loving people... sometimes they simply repulse me because of no reason. No matter how I think I love them, there are those brief moments in which I simply cannot stand having a relationship. I thought it was because I really didn't get involved with anyone, but now it happens even with this girl I love so much.

Now that I have clear that I have a problem and that it's not up to me to be fine and be able to love and help people, I got confused and don't know what to do. I'm not sure, but I think my friend is already suffering because of me. She had told me I am very important to her, and she is so alone, and has been hurt so much, that I would never forgive me to abandon her. It would absolutely wreck me. However, it seems I am doing so without wanting. I'm already coping with stress because of that, I am always nervous, sometimes start crying spontaneously and yesterday I've seen things that make me very sure that I'm hurting her, and threw up because of nerves. Today I have nausea all the time, and cry sometimes.

I sincerely love her as a friend, and wish I could make her happy. However I don't know if I should stay with her, because I don't know if I am able to hurt her even more. Now I don't know if I ever should have a good relationship with any people because of this. keeping in mind I have never seen her face to face, I don't know how I would react if I were with someone I can see in person. I don't know if I can recover, nor how much time and effort it would take. I need help :s want to ask my parents to take me to a psychologist, but I want to do so since 6 years ago, and don't dare... I'd be glad to read advice about this particular situation, and about my problem...

[Φρανκομβριτ]

First off, let me be the first to welcome you to VT.

From your post, I gather that you have a severe anxiety disorder. This is something you can work on with a psychologist, and can also be aided with medication on occasion. I STRONGLY recommend you ask your parents to take you to see someone. I feel it will help you a lot.

As far as things go with your friend, if you are afraid of losing her because of these issues, all I can recommend from personal experience is be as open as possible with her. Explain your fear of losing her, why you feel that way, and ask what you can do to help your relationship thrive. If she's as close as you say she is, I'm sure she will be understanding of what you're going through, and will be willing to help you like you have helped her.

[Shaka]

I can safely say that you're nervous because you've been nervous because you were nervous because at some previous time you were nervous and on and on, ad infinitum.

I been there before too, and I know you can quell it and get more friends but it takes countless leaps of blind faith and at every waiver you will gain another twitch of nervous energy that will cause great difficulty for the next few leaps before you learn to regain your balance.

Keep yourself training your integrity all the time, when your asleep, awake, alone, in company, and no one has to know you're doing it. You just keep trying to have your intentions unaltered by fears. Don't leap for anything unless you can quell all nerve fire and do it wholehearted. This is what they made the word for: "Wholehearted" because no silly blood was refuling nervously fired neurons and muscles.



Peace, good luck to you, and more importantly: BE STRONG AND CONTINUE!!!!

[Mikedamaniak]

Try a sport. Seriously, this is your escape route. You can make friends like this quite fast. It will add another aspect to your life, and from what you write, you seem to need more.

Also, take a look at your reputation. To people hate you for being so anti-social, or do they like you, even though you can't bring yourself to become friends with them. Changing your attitude can be hard, but if at least you don't have to convince others to like you back, that will help.