Should I convince my friend to come out?

[Apollo.]

Hey guys, I have got a kind of good problem at the moment(I know that doesn't make sense). Last night I told a friend that I really like him, I only came out to him a couple of weeks back, he told me in a round about way that he had feelings for me(that's the good bit) but would never be able to admit to anyone else that he does because of him family and friends(that's the problem).

His family are really homophobic, his mum has told him he would be kicked out of the house and not be seen as family if he was gay, his dad told him he would be as good as dead to him if he was gay. They are a really close family and he said that he never wants to be in this situation which is obviously understandable. His friends are the same group of friends that I haven't came out to because they are pretty homophobic.

Basically the question is where do I go from here? I'm so happy that he has feelings for me but I'm also quite upset about the fact that we won't be able to be with each other for ages! He has told me that he wants to come out when he is self sufficient enough to move out of his house but that could be years. I've told him I will always be there for him and he has said the same. So do I wait for him to come out in his own time or do I try and get him to come out sooner?

Any replies are greatly appreciated, also sorry it's so long and I never shut up about this one guy on vt:P

[nice]

You guys could date in secret if you really waned to but don't try to force him to come out if he isn't ready.

[Apollo.]

You guys could date in secret if you really waned to but don't try to force him to come out if he isn't ready.

I'd rather not have like a secret relationship, it gets pretty complicated. Like not being able to be yourselves in public, always a risk of being caught and it just puts a lot of strain on a relationship if you need to keep secrets from everyone. I'd never force him to come out, when I say convince I mean trying to talk him round not putting any pressure on him whatsoever, he means the world to me I wouldn't want to get him hurt or make him feel bad. Thanks for your reply :)

[nice]

If you guys are close to 18 you could save up and move in somewhere together and the reel them.

[Apollo.]

Yeah we have both just turned 18, It's a great idea but it would take us ages to save for a house. It would still be years we would both have to wait.

[nice]

I mean like an apartment.

[Apollo.]

I mean like an apartment.

Aw ok, it's still not practical though nobody really lives with a partner at my age, it's probably to expensive and although I would love to be with him every minute of the day I imagine it could put stress on a relationship. There's also the fact he would need to make an excuse to move out. I just don't think it would work

[nice]

Ohh yea I do see how that could prove some problems.

[dontfiguremeout]

Hmmm, well I see this time as you guys make the friendship closer then! If you guys can't date now, then how bout get to know each other better, so when you do guys start dating, you actually know each other! Because some people will start dating and don't really know who they are dating! And how bout he goes out to your parents?! I mean if he can't go out to his parents, at least he can go out to your parents, and still get some parental help and love for this situation, just from different parents.

[Clawhammer]

It is his own personal choice. He will decide what to do and when to do it. The best you can do is support his decision and be there to help him.

[Apollo.]

Hmmm, well I see this time as you guys make the friendship closer then! If you guys can't date now, then how bout get to know each other better, so when you do guys start dating, you actually know each other! Because some people will start dating and don't really know who they are dating! And how bout he goes out to your parents?! I mean if he can't go out to his parents, at least he can go out to your parents, and still get some parental help and love for this situation, just from different parents.

I already know him really well, we are never apart he's my best friend. We are already really close. I might ask him about saying to my parents that sounds a good idea, but then there is the risk that they could get weird about him being at my house and staying the night which I really don't want. Thanks for your reply:)

[dontfiguremeout]

Well just clear up to your parents that it's time you can bring a bf over, and they'll just have to accept it!

[Scare]

I would wait for him to come out on his own. If it were me, I wouldn't want someone pushing me into something I didn't want to do. Give him time, I'm sure you can wait. You love him, right? If you truly do have feelings for him, you wouldn't make him do something he doesn't want to do. His parents don't sound like good parents to me. I think they're just saying that. Parents say things they don't mean all the time, well, at least that's what my father does. :P

[Pierce]

I honestly have no idea but I want you to know I wish you the best of luck and I really hope everythign works out for him and you and his family. I thonk the most important thing throught his is make sure you don't loose hom to all this homophobia and remain at his side through these hard times.

[Apollo.]

I honestly have no idea but I want you to know I wish you the best of luck and I really hope everythign works out for him and you and his family. I thonk the most important thing throught his is make sure you don't loose hom to all this homophobia and remain at his side through these hard times.

Thanks that means a lot. I had him over at my house tonight and we spoke about stuff. I made it clear to him that whatever he chooses to do I'll always support him and that I'll always love him even if we can't be a couple. He said he isn't ready to tell anyone else yet but when he does he hopes ill still be there for him. We've decided to stay best friends just now. I'm pretty happy with this outcome if I'm honest as friends it's close to being like we're in a relationship and I'm still on a high knowing that he likes me as much as I like him:D

Thank you to everyone for your replies they all helped me out one way or another!