Scare
October 29th, 2012, 01:25 PM
Hey, I just wanted to get this out of my system. I don't know if it will be super long or short, I don't know. Ugh. Anyway, my mother is really crazy. Like, she hasn't been diagnosed as crazy or anything, but to me she is insane.
I'll start off when my parents got divorced.
My mother divorced my father because she said that she "wasn't happy" with him anymore. He gave her EVERYTHING she wanted. Jewelry, a nice house, expensive clothes, and his LOVE. What more could she have wanted?! I'm an only child, he's my father. I have other siblings, but they are all my half-siblings. At this time, I had 2 sisters and 1 brother. They are all older than me. My mom got custody of me, so I was forced to leave my father even though I pleaded for her to let me stay with him, and she never listened. I knew how my mother was, I saw how she constantly yelled and was out all the time. She was barely ever home.
She didn't used to be like this, she was actually amazing at one point. I have no idea what happened to her. I kept thinking it was my fault when she cried or yelled or did something else stupid. My school counselor told me it was never my fault for what happened between my parents, and it was just the way they wanted it to be. I agreed with that, but deep inside I knew that I still thought it was all my fault they seperated.
About one year later, I saw the true side of my mother. That side is horrible, and she always has it on. She was always lazy, and we would have to do everything she told us to. She met another man, his name was Nathan. My other siblings and I hated him. He smoked, and he always drank. Nathan was disgusting. My sisters and I knew he was cheating on our mother, but we never told her. We had evidence and everything, but we decided not to tell her because whatever came to her was her own fault for choosing such a gross man.
When I turned 8, we had already moved 6 times. We never stayed in a house longer than two years, and I always moved schools. When I was in school, I tried not to make friends or talk to anyone, because I knew that if I got close to them, it would be even harder to let go once we moved again. Kids made fun of me because I always stayed away from people. I never once talked unless I was called upon, and it was really sad to me that I did that.
On my 10th birthday, my mother wasn't even home. I was all alone in our house, no cake, no party, no nothing. I was disapointed and angry. Angry that my mother didn't care about me. The next day she tried to apologize to me, telling me that she would make it up sometime, but she never did. She ALWAYS breaks her promises.
I was 11 when I got fed up with her crap. We lived in an old white farmhouse at the time. I totally knew it was haunted, but that's beside the point. My mother got me a cat. I loved it to death, because it was the only thing that was good to me. My sisters totally ignored me, because I guess I was too young to hang out with them. That cat was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Then my mom decided to get a dog. I hated that dog with all of my heart.
I came home one day, and my cat was laying on my bed in my room, happy as ever. I took her outside so she could pee. My stupid mom opened the door after I got out and let Cooper, the crappy dog, run outside. I had already set her down on the ground when he came pouncing outside. I stood right in front of them while they were fighting. I didn't know what to do. I was so confused. I bawled my eyes out. My mom told me to get inside, after the fight was over. I called for my cat, but she didn't move from her place on the soft grass. Tufts of her fur was laying around her. I cried and cried for days, and I still do. She was my first friend. My first REAL friend. And I was standing right in front of her, watching her as the life drained from her. I didn't do anything, I stood there, frozen in my tracks. I watched her die.
I have never forgiven that dog for what he did to my cat. I never will, either.
My mother tried to comfort me, but I just pushed her away.
"Why do you all of a sudden care about me?" I cried, watching as a frown carved itself on her wrinkled face. "You've never cared about me, and you most likely never will." And with that, I ran out of the house. I wanted to run away, leave her forever. I was sick of being ignored and abused, yelled at when I supposedly did something wrong. I cried every night because of my mother. My family.
I hated my father for not doing anything about it. I called him, crying, each day, hoping that he would do something. I felt alone in this huge world.
My mother and sisters didn't get along at all. They were fighting all the time, while I stood in the doorway watching them as they threw things and screamed their heart out. I thought every day, "Why couldn't I have been born in a better family?"
I resorted to cutting. I never thought it would come to that, but it did. None of my family found out about it, until I had cut too deep, and I yelled as the pain shot through my bones. My sister heard, and came in.
I almost died. I wished I had. But now I realize that without my sister, Brittney, I wouldn't be here today. Right now, we've never been more close. I love her so much. But back to the story.
My mother and sister, Brittney, got into a fight. Here's the conversation:
Mom: "Do the laundry, Brittney."
Brittney: "I'm sick of doing the laundry, you do it for a change."
Mom: "I'm SICK of your fucked up attitude! Keep it up! You won't have a place to live!"
Brittney: "Anywhere would be better than HERE!"
They got into a fist fight.
Mom had her pinned down, choking her.
My sister grabbed for the scissors. She was going to stab our mom.
Mom saw the scissors and backed off, telling her to leave the room immediately.
Mom called the police, and said that Brittney almost killed her. When it was the other way around. She plainly lied to the police. Brittney's face was completely purple, she was out of breath. She almost died. Mom lied just to keep herself safe. My sister, Jessie, and I stared as everything went on around us. We stood there and cried, unsure of what exactly to do. We didn't know what was going to happen to Brittney. Jessie, Brittney, and I were a team. We had to be together. If we got seperated, we would all fall apart.
Brittney ended up leaving and living with her friend, Connie.
It was just Jessie and us then. In the same year, my mother called the police once more, accusing Jessie of doing drugs and drinking alcohol. They did tests and everything, all of them came up negative, but my mom refused to accept the fact that she was wrong. Mom sent Jessie to a rehab facility. She stayed there for two weeks.
When I finally turned thirteen, which was just last year, I knew it was time to demand to move in with my father. My final straw was when mom yelled at me, and made me stay outside in the cold for four hours.
I called my dad, it was summer break at the time, and I said "I want to leave. Now."
A couple weeks later, I was all his. I loved it. My mom was angry at me. She threw away all of my things, and I had to go buy all new clothes and furniture.
At the time, I had two younger siblings. Reagan, my four year old brother, Skylar, my three year old sister. Skylar and I was extremly close. Reagan was diagnosed with ADHD, so he got most of the attention. I had Skylar all to myself, and we grew closer and closer. So close, that she would refuse to have anyone but me feed her, clean her, play with her, do anything with her. I loved it. My mom knew that we were close, too.
Now, I can't visit Skylar. Ever. She called a couple months ago and told me to never talk to her again, and to never visit. All I said was "Okay." What I really wanted to say was, "You stupid piece of shit, you KNOW I adore Skylar, and you're just doing this for your own enjoyment." Oh how I wanted to say that.
It hurts me that my mother can be so mean. I hate that I'm related by blood to someone so disgusting and horrible.
I've stopped cutting, but my thighs always whisper "Cut me, cut me..." I ignore them. Cutting was probably the only way I could ever feel happy with myself again. I go to therapy, and it helps. I can go to the school counselor whenever I need to, which is great.
Now, Brittney lives with her boyfriend.
Jessie lives with her boyfriend, and their son.
Austin, my older brother, I haven't talked to him since Jessie gave birth.
Reagan and Skylar...I haven't seen or talked to them in almost two years now. I have no idea what they look like, how they're growing up, if they even remember me...
When Skylar and Reagan get older, I'm GOING to visit them. I just hope that maybe Skylar will remember me.
I hope she'll remember laying on the roof, playing with her hair.
Falling asleep on the couch, watching Toy Story.
Throwing Cheerios at eachother during breakfast.
Taking long walks around the neighborhood.
Trick-or-Treating.
Playing with my make-up.
I really just hope that she remembers me.
It's amazing how much you can hide just by forcing a smile.
Sorry for making it so long, I just really wanted to tell people about it.
I feel a lot better now.
And also sorry for any spelling mistakes.
I'll start off when my parents got divorced.
My mother divorced my father because she said that she "wasn't happy" with him anymore. He gave her EVERYTHING she wanted. Jewelry, a nice house, expensive clothes, and his LOVE. What more could she have wanted?! I'm an only child, he's my father. I have other siblings, but they are all my half-siblings. At this time, I had 2 sisters and 1 brother. They are all older than me. My mom got custody of me, so I was forced to leave my father even though I pleaded for her to let me stay with him, and she never listened. I knew how my mother was, I saw how she constantly yelled and was out all the time. She was barely ever home.
She didn't used to be like this, she was actually amazing at one point. I have no idea what happened to her. I kept thinking it was my fault when she cried or yelled or did something else stupid. My school counselor told me it was never my fault for what happened between my parents, and it was just the way they wanted it to be. I agreed with that, but deep inside I knew that I still thought it was all my fault they seperated.
About one year later, I saw the true side of my mother. That side is horrible, and she always has it on. She was always lazy, and we would have to do everything she told us to. She met another man, his name was Nathan. My other siblings and I hated him. He smoked, and he always drank. Nathan was disgusting. My sisters and I knew he was cheating on our mother, but we never told her. We had evidence and everything, but we decided not to tell her because whatever came to her was her own fault for choosing such a gross man.
When I turned 8, we had already moved 6 times. We never stayed in a house longer than two years, and I always moved schools. When I was in school, I tried not to make friends or talk to anyone, because I knew that if I got close to them, it would be even harder to let go once we moved again. Kids made fun of me because I always stayed away from people. I never once talked unless I was called upon, and it was really sad to me that I did that.
On my 10th birthday, my mother wasn't even home. I was all alone in our house, no cake, no party, no nothing. I was disapointed and angry. Angry that my mother didn't care about me. The next day she tried to apologize to me, telling me that she would make it up sometime, but she never did. She ALWAYS breaks her promises.
I was 11 when I got fed up with her crap. We lived in an old white farmhouse at the time. I totally knew it was haunted, but that's beside the point. My mother got me a cat. I loved it to death, because it was the only thing that was good to me. My sisters totally ignored me, because I guess I was too young to hang out with them. That cat was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Then my mom decided to get a dog. I hated that dog with all of my heart.
I came home one day, and my cat was laying on my bed in my room, happy as ever. I took her outside so she could pee. My stupid mom opened the door after I got out and let Cooper, the crappy dog, run outside. I had already set her down on the ground when he came pouncing outside. I stood right in front of them while they were fighting. I didn't know what to do. I was so confused. I bawled my eyes out. My mom told me to get inside, after the fight was over. I called for my cat, but she didn't move from her place on the soft grass. Tufts of her fur was laying around her. I cried and cried for days, and I still do. She was my first friend. My first REAL friend. And I was standing right in front of her, watching her as the life drained from her. I didn't do anything, I stood there, frozen in my tracks. I watched her die.
I have never forgiven that dog for what he did to my cat. I never will, either.
My mother tried to comfort me, but I just pushed her away.
"Why do you all of a sudden care about me?" I cried, watching as a frown carved itself on her wrinkled face. "You've never cared about me, and you most likely never will." And with that, I ran out of the house. I wanted to run away, leave her forever. I was sick of being ignored and abused, yelled at when I supposedly did something wrong. I cried every night because of my mother. My family.
I hated my father for not doing anything about it. I called him, crying, each day, hoping that he would do something. I felt alone in this huge world.
My mother and sisters didn't get along at all. They were fighting all the time, while I stood in the doorway watching them as they threw things and screamed their heart out. I thought every day, "Why couldn't I have been born in a better family?"
I resorted to cutting. I never thought it would come to that, but it did. None of my family found out about it, until I had cut too deep, and I yelled as the pain shot through my bones. My sister heard, and came in.
I almost died. I wished I had. But now I realize that without my sister, Brittney, I wouldn't be here today. Right now, we've never been more close. I love her so much. But back to the story.
My mother and sister, Brittney, got into a fight. Here's the conversation:
Mom: "Do the laundry, Brittney."
Brittney: "I'm sick of doing the laundry, you do it for a change."
Mom: "I'm SICK of your fucked up attitude! Keep it up! You won't have a place to live!"
Brittney: "Anywhere would be better than HERE!"
They got into a fist fight.
Mom had her pinned down, choking her.
My sister grabbed for the scissors. She was going to stab our mom.
Mom saw the scissors and backed off, telling her to leave the room immediately.
Mom called the police, and said that Brittney almost killed her. When it was the other way around. She plainly lied to the police. Brittney's face was completely purple, she was out of breath. She almost died. Mom lied just to keep herself safe. My sister, Jessie, and I stared as everything went on around us. We stood there and cried, unsure of what exactly to do. We didn't know what was going to happen to Brittney. Jessie, Brittney, and I were a team. We had to be together. If we got seperated, we would all fall apart.
Brittney ended up leaving and living with her friend, Connie.
It was just Jessie and us then. In the same year, my mother called the police once more, accusing Jessie of doing drugs and drinking alcohol. They did tests and everything, all of them came up negative, but my mom refused to accept the fact that she was wrong. Mom sent Jessie to a rehab facility. She stayed there for two weeks.
When I finally turned thirteen, which was just last year, I knew it was time to demand to move in with my father. My final straw was when mom yelled at me, and made me stay outside in the cold for four hours.
I called my dad, it was summer break at the time, and I said "I want to leave. Now."
A couple weeks later, I was all his. I loved it. My mom was angry at me. She threw away all of my things, and I had to go buy all new clothes and furniture.
At the time, I had two younger siblings. Reagan, my four year old brother, Skylar, my three year old sister. Skylar and I was extremly close. Reagan was diagnosed with ADHD, so he got most of the attention. I had Skylar all to myself, and we grew closer and closer. So close, that she would refuse to have anyone but me feed her, clean her, play with her, do anything with her. I loved it. My mom knew that we were close, too.
Now, I can't visit Skylar. Ever. She called a couple months ago and told me to never talk to her again, and to never visit. All I said was "Okay." What I really wanted to say was, "You stupid piece of shit, you KNOW I adore Skylar, and you're just doing this for your own enjoyment." Oh how I wanted to say that.
It hurts me that my mother can be so mean. I hate that I'm related by blood to someone so disgusting and horrible.
I've stopped cutting, but my thighs always whisper "Cut me, cut me..." I ignore them. Cutting was probably the only way I could ever feel happy with myself again. I go to therapy, and it helps. I can go to the school counselor whenever I need to, which is great.
Now, Brittney lives with her boyfriend.
Jessie lives with her boyfriend, and their son.
Austin, my older brother, I haven't talked to him since Jessie gave birth.
Reagan and Skylar...I haven't seen or talked to them in almost two years now. I have no idea what they look like, how they're growing up, if they even remember me...
When Skylar and Reagan get older, I'm GOING to visit them. I just hope that maybe Skylar will remember me.
I hope she'll remember laying on the roof, playing with her hair.
Falling asleep on the couch, watching Toy Story.
Throwing Cheerios at eachother during breakfast.
Taking long walks around the neighborhood.
Trick-or-Treating.
Playing with my make-up.
I really just hope that she remembers me.
It's amazing how much you can hide just by forcing a smile.
Sorry for making it so long, I just really wanted to tell people about it.
I feel a lot better now.
And also sorry for any spelling mistakes.