I think I'm losing it.

[maramara]

First off, I didn't know whether to put this in the Mental Illness forum or this one, so I just stuck it here. Sorry.

I think I'm really going insane now. I am constantly cutting. Constantly drinking. Constantly taking pills. Things are losing their shape, shadows are morphing into monsters. My heart is beating so fast I can feel it in my fingertips. My head is screaming. I can't even get out of bed anymore. I know I am on here a lot bitching constantly about my sad little life, and I apologize. I'm not even worth the space I take up.

I'm just so insane now. I can't talk to people, or I have to excuse myself to slice open my skin. My anxiety is eating me alive. I'm so tired. I'm so fucking tired. I disappoint everyone. I am an embarrassment.

And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Φρανκομβριτ]

Sounds like you are definitely losing it!

You should seek help from a psychologist or psychotherapist as soon as possible. It sounds like you have some mild psychosis going on, which really needs to be looked at by a doctor.

I find depression is like a black hole. It spirals round and round, sucking you in deeper and deeper. What I recommend is a big self-slap in the face! Wake yourself the fuck up and remember the things you used to do in life other than abusing yourself or sleeping. The more you feed your depression, the more it will grow and eat away at you. You've got to fight it with every ounce of strength and pain you have deep down inside you, and let it be the driving force to put you on the path to recovery. You can do it.

[squibles976]

Stop drinking stop taking pills

[XxfakexX]

Oh shit, I'm so sorry. This is just like me a few months ago. Please talk to someone 'cause if your the same it's only going to get worse. I ended up going to hospital and I don't want that to happen to you.
You just need to calm down, which is hard. If your hallucinating at all try to involve yourself with people or family. I don't know, find something that works. I'm always here to help. Try and stay away from the alcohol too, it makes everything a hundred times worst than you
think it will.
I really hope you'll be okay x stay focused.

[maramara]

Well...thank you.
But it's not going to get better.
I've finally realized that.

[Φρανκομβριτ]

Your future is what you make of it. You have the power to move past this. You just have to push youself to do it.

[maramara]

I don't think I do.
It's been this way since I was 7 years old.

[Jaeie]

I'm so sorry Mara, I feel your pain. Just remember that you really aren't alone, there are people who (like me) are going through similar ordeals and just need a way to cope. Obviously your way of coping isn't helping.

Mara, Have you tried counseling/therapy/ even depression medications?

[huntersteele11]

i want to help but i dont no how mara and even if i did i live far away so we cant even talk. why did you feel like this for so long because you said 7 and why dont your mom and dad see it and do sumthing to help you? you got to let sumone help you mara and i no a hospitol is scary but please go there and tell them what you feel and let them help you get better please. you are 2 worth it and never think like you are not because that is not true.

[Stronk Serb]

I think you should stop taking pills and drinking, these can shit it up, you are NOT an enbarassment, I feel sorry that you have to go through this crap, I went through similar, but with the aid of my family (friends will do also), you are unstoppable. About therapy, go to it, I had the same thoughts about it but it helped me A LOT. At least give it a try, you got nothing to lose and you deserve better then this.

[Shaka]

And if you can, suck it up and make yourself change.
you can do it, always change.
Change until it feels good.

And go for runs, be brave and clear your head. You may need someone to help you for real in life but they cannot do anything for you, they can just tell you this, patiently and more regularly, and check up on you in a calm, non-judgemental manner.

So get to work, if you feel healthier, mission achieved. It doesn't sound as if your hallucinations and sensory things are out of the normal, considering what your mind must be going through and the factual closeness you have to the Pitt.
Well, safe journies, be sure and secure to yourself, decide to fight to live and expand. The worst of rides can be turned around if the driver wills it. And even when your off the cliff, it's still a dream, your mind will make the neutral act of death and change into whatever it sees fit. See fit change and metamorphosis, you might need to be strange.