Friends Screwing Up My Chances

[Underground_Network]

My friends have gone from being shitty friends to great friends, but they still like to make fools of themselves and they haven't matured yet. I'm way more mature than them, but I join in when they act like idiots, and girls stay away from my friends, thus they stay away from me. This one girl who I think likes me seems to really dislike my friends. I'm low on friends and I can't lose the friends I have right now, but in reality I would probably get rid of all my friends for a girlfriend. I'm pretty shy, I mean, I'll talk to anyone (guy or girl) if they start talking to me, but I SUCK at starting a conversation, even with my own friends. I don't have the guts to talk to girls unless they start talking to me, and I just can't handle anything right now. Only one of my friends has a girlfriend, and only one other has had a girlfriend (I'm a freshman), and I know I can't get new friends, b/c I can't kill the image I've created. I'm acting like someone I'm not just to fit in with my friends, and the way myself and my friends act, seem to deter girls. I try to not act stupid, but then my friends make fun of me, saying stuff like, "Oh you don't have the guts to..." and stuff like that, or "You're just not cool enough to..." My friends think its cool to do stuff that's risky (such as bringing illegal things like knives, bullets, gunpowder, screwdrivers, home-made molotov cocktails, etc.) to school. They never use the things they bring in, and the things like the bullets or the molotovs are either fake, or don't work very well. They like to bring in things that could get them expelled (like fake weapons/fake explosives) and I'm pretty sure one day they'll get in trouble, and I myself may get in trouble. A lot of guys at my school do pretty stupid stuff to impress girls (and it somewhat works), but my friends just do plain stupid stuff that doesn't impress girls, and I really don't know what to do. I don't even think what I said made since, but basically, I don't what I should do about my friends, telling them to stop hasn't worked, and my friends already think they have no chances with most girls, so they've kind of given up and don't care. I really don't know what to do. (Sorry for the long rant :()

[Maverick]

They don't sound like very good friends to me. Maybe make some new friends.

[byee]

Where do you live that guys bring in bullets and molotovs? Baghdad? That's ridiculous, any group of guys who shows that kind of wacko, impaired judgement isn't worth hanging out with, IMHO, and maybe the girls are right here by banning all of you. You want to be a part of that group? What's in it for you?

Peer pressure is very powerful, sure, but so is good judgement and self confidence. You seem to have both, but are unwiling to risk demonstrating them for fear of rejection. Frankly, i'm not sure why, because it addition to being real jerks, these guys don't seem like much fun.

If you're not ready to throw these guys under the bus (figuratively speaking), then maybe you could distance yourself a bit by not spending quite as much time with them, finding others to hang with (forget the shyness, join some clubs, afters, extra cirriculars), or being alone more. You might find that you're far more approachable (by the girls as well as the normal guys) when you're by yourself, anyway. And you might feel better about yourself, too.

[mynameisjane]

its not too hard to make friends. just start talking to people you sit by. a good way to start is to comment on the class youre in. "ugh this class goes by so slow.", "did you do the homework? what did you get for number__? how did you get that?", "the teacher's voice makes me sleepy." after you break the ice, you can kinda tell by how they react whether they seem friendly.

if they reacted kinda shy, move onto a school related question, but still slightly more personal. "arent you in my other class? do you like the teacher? what grade do you have in there?" "what grade do you have in here?" "are you going to that volleyball game tomorrow?" "you trying out for the talent show?" and if they still act shy, like they're not interested in talking, then give up on talking to them.

if they react friendly with a real smile, not a fake one out of politeness, then next class you can ask them something like, "are you gonna go see (name of movie) when it comes out?" "so justin timberlake says he's the new prince. what do you think of that?" "have you seen the new fall out boy music video? its so awsome." try to talk about positive things because its better to talk about what you like than don't like because positive people are more fun. don't tell a joke unless they're 100% guaranteed to laugh.

at this point they'll probably start making conversations with you. then you get to know eachother better and you can start hanging out with them. its not fun to have friends you dont like. just be outgoing and you'll make friends. if you need confidence, just remember that they have no reason not to want to be your friend if they dont know you. and almost everyone likes meeting new people. just be chill, yet outgoing and talk to people.

[Jordo]

That was really awsome advice and it helped me too :) also dont bring stuff like that to school your friends are idiotic.

[Sapphire]

My advice would be to slowly distance yourself from this group. They don't seem to take anything seriously at all. I know that we all have to take somethings with a pinch of salt but you can't go through life playing everything down. You have admitted to not sharing their enthuisiasm for the type of reckless behaviour they exhibit. So I am wondering, what it is that makes you feel you have to stick with them?

I know only too well the feeling that you can't afford to lose your current friends despite your indifference or dislike towards them and/or their actions. But to be quite honest, you don't need it. You don't have to hang out with people you don't want to. But, as Jane said, little ice breakers are all you really need to start a conversation with someone. Once you have got that first sentence out, the rest should come easily. It is a big and scary step to take. Once you have made some new friends, however, you will find school and your social life much better.

[BornActor]

First id be extremely careful about bringing weapons of any kind to school if u choose to, i wouldnt. my school had 2 bomb threats in a week so the school is really careful and the girls who made it had to pay 15000 dollars and got expelled for 180 days.
anyway to answer your question, think back to health class, at least in my health class, they said that friends who think its cool and are telling u to do illegal things u shouldnt hang around with. im sure u can find other friends. Friends dont put u down unless they r joking.

[Underground_Network]

Well, I've been hanging out with this new group of friends, but I've only become really good friends with two of the guys. And by the way, I'd say 60% of the guys in my school carry around shanks/pocket knives/swss army knives/switchblades/etc., and a lot of kids bring in some really strange things (one of my friends brought in a lighter that he short circuited/took apart and made it so if he hit a button it would burst into flames, blowing up the lighter), but also, one of my friends that I've had for quite awhile has stopped being immature and we hang out a lot (talk about movies, girls, etc.), and I think I could call him a best friend (I haven't had a real best friend since 5th grade). Right now things are getting better, and I met a girl (who I've only talk to a little), that I'm going to try to get to know better, and possibly, eventually ask her out, but I never really hang out with girls that much, but the leader of my new group of friends has a lot of friends that are girls (I'm a freshman, a lot of his friends are sophomores/juniors), the guys I hang out with now aren't much better than my old friends (some of them carry shanks/knives), but they don't talk about blowing up the school/none of them are suicidal/none of them hurt people to get recognition, so they're better than my old friends, but the thing is, some of my new friends still freak out girls (despite they're popularity and not being as bad, they're really immature), and only one of them is as intelligent as me. I'm in like all honors classes, and there are only two kids in my new group of friends that take more than one honors class. I still feel pressured to make new friends, I still think my best friend is this kid who doesn't live in my town who I only see during camp. We talk about everything, I mean I get really open around him, but he hasn't called me since a week after my camp ended in mid-August, and I'm someone who really hates calling people. Thats probably whats screwed up my life in terms of girls/friends/etc., I really don't like calling people, starting conversations, and in fact, I even have trouble typing up some of the more personal threads on VT and other sites. I spent like a month avoiding the puberty section, and I only recently began starting and typing in threads in this section... Sorry for the rant, but all in all I think my life is getting a little better (except for the fact that I'm getting a C in my Bio-Honors class).