He Likes Someone Else... (Gay)

[TaylrJ]

I am a guy, 15, and bi and I like someone who is 14. We are very close. I mean, we have only known each other for two months but it feels so much longer. He has told me he trusts me and is closer to me than anybody else he knows. We are best friends. I love him so much and he has told me he loves me. Just as friends though. He hasn't said that, I can just tell. He doesn't know I am bi either. I also think he is gay. I have posted a forum at the bottom and if you read the 2nd paragraph, you'd know.

Anyways, he took me with him to the high school football game and we spent the whole time there together. We just messed and had a lot of fun. He also acted real gay. Like say if we were under a blanket together, he would start touching me, leaning on me, and even hugged me, I guess to be funny. I do it to be funny to but I think there is something behind it and it means something. At least I hope it does.

Later that night on the way home, he mentioned liking someone. We made a deal on if he told me, I'd tell him. He told me who it was and it was some girl he hardly talks too. Then I wanted to tell him, but couldn't. Who I like is him and it hurt me so much I just got silent.. He got mad at me and went on about how he trusted me but I didn't know what to say back. I always had a tiny thought that he liked me back. That's what got me through this relationship with him, was me holding on to that thought. And now I know for sure that he likes someone else. It kills me inside. I wish I could be happy for him and I even told him if he needed any help I am there but I am just in denial about it. I can't believe it. I went home that night and cried so much. I even came out for the first time to my friend so she could help me through it. She said she'd be able to and she is ok with it and everything. I don't know what to do? He says "no matter who it is, I can tell him." He also said "What's the worse that could happen?" if I did tell. I said, "We won't be friends anymore." And he said "That would be childish for me to do that" But I guess this is assuming it is a girl. I have no idea what he thinks of gays and I just don't know anymore. I am afraid to tell him, should I? I'd hate to loose the closest friendship over someone because I was stupid enough to admit having feelings for them. Can you help? Thanks..

Here is the other forum:
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=153137

[Pierce]

I'd go for it just tell him. Based on what i read here I believe he might be gay and feel the same way about you. He might just be using the girl as a decoy. Also I think that he might know that you're gay and hes the one who you like. But I'm not sure.

[TigerBoy]

The bottom line is you won't know until you talk to him about your feelings, and if you do nothing, you lose your chance to affect how this plays out for you.

Just looking at the ways this could work

if you tell him:

he's straight, he is ok with it and wants to stay friends.
he's straight, he's not ok and may need time (but given how close you guys are there's hardly any chance that he's a homophobe so it will work out).
he's gay or bi, he's not interested in you or is more interested in the girl.
he's gay or bi, he's more interested in you than the girl (or she's just a cover).

I think the risk that you lose him as a friend is TINY because if he was homophobic he wouldn't be behaving like he does with you from what you've said elsewhere. There is also a real chance he isn't that into you but you still get to have a wonderful friend. There is also a good chance he IS into you but, like you, is scared to bring it up.


You stay quiet:

he's straight, he goes out with girls.
he's gay or bi, he goes out with girls and/or boys who aren't you OR he eventually works up the courage to tell you he thinks of you as more than a friend.

Staying quiet seems to live you with a very big chance of waiting forever for something to happen: given your closeness, there seems a real chance you'll both end up wanting each other but never admitting it until one of you grows a pair.

Hope that helps. You have the power to move this forward, if you don't use it you could just stay 'in limbo' for years over this.

[TaylrJ]

The bottom line is you won't know until you talk to him about your feelings, and if you do nothing, you lose your chance to affect how this plays out for you.

Just looking at the ways this could work

if you tell him:

he's straight, he is ok with it and wants to stay friends.
he's straight, he's not ok and may need time (but given how close you guys are there's hardly any chance that he's a homophobe so it will work out).
he's gay or bi, he's not interested in you or is more interested in the girl.
he's gay or bi, he's more interested in you than the girl (or she's just a cover).

I think the risk that you lose him as a friend is TINY because if he was homophobic he wouldn't be behaving like he does with you from what you've said elsewhere. There is also a real chance he isn't that into you but you still get to have a wonderful friend. There is also a good chance he IS into you but, like you, is scared to bring it up.


You stay quiet:

he's straight, he goes out with girls.
he's gay or bi, he goes out with girls and/or boys who aren't you OR he eventually works up the courage to tell you he thinks of you as more than a friend.

Staying quiet seems to live you with a very big chance of waiting forever for something to happen: given your closeness, there seems a real chance you'll both end up wanting each other but never admitting it until one of you grows a pair.

Hope that helps. You have the power to move this forward, if you don't use it you could just stay 'in limbo' for years over this.

Okay, thanks, I'll really try to tell him now. And I don't really know why I am saying this. But we were texting, talking about movies. I wanted to know his opinion on one so I said "Hey, you wanna see Wreck it Ralph?" He said "Heck ya". Then I replied "Awesome!!" And then he said "When? Saturday night?" After that, I didn't know what he was talking about. Did he think I was inviting him or something?!? I was going to say that exact thing too. Then I realized how could I pass that up. I just asked him to the movies with me, without even realizing it, lol. So I went along and replied "Probably" Ever since then, I've just been so excited! Just us two, are gonna go to the movies together! I already told him I am going to buy his ticket and stuff. But should I say that I invited him by mistake? Do you think we are going as just friends? Should I even make a move? Lol, I know its a real dumb question but anyways, thanks.

[TigerBoy]

Nice way to seize the opportunity, good for you! And NO do not tell him you didn't mean to ask him out, that would be crazy, he might get the wrong idea and think you don't like him. Just go with it and have a great time . Good luck!

[TaylrJ]

Nice way to seize the opportunity, good for you! And NO do not tell him you didn't mean to ask him out, that would be crazy, he might get the wrong idea and think you don't like him. Just go with it and have a great time . Good luck!

Thank you, ONE more thing.... You said "Ask him out".. Is this seriously a date? Like, I am not sure if we are going as just friends or what. But I mean, c'mon, it's most likely that we like each other and it's a date but there is still that chance... Oh and "the girl" he likes, he told me Monday that he never really had a thing for her.. So you were right on that one, he lied to make me jealous. But I also don't want it to be awkward. It's even awkward when we talk about seeing it. I think why is because we both sorta know we are not going as friends. But anyways, my question is (again pretty dumb), should I act like I am his boyfriend? For example, if a guy and a girl are on that date, he might put his arm around her or kiss her. You know, He'd be making a move.. But should I do that? I don't see it any different than a guy and girl so I don't see why not if it is two guys.. But there is still that "is it a date" thing. What would you do if you were me? Thanks.

[Smeagol]

Good luck! But if he really does like somebody else, there isn't much you can do with it. I hope it works out though.

[TigerBoy]

Thank you, ONE more thing.... You said "Ask him out".. Is this seriously a date?
It is what it is. Lovers are just a special kind of friend. You can do a lot of the same things and be friends, and being a friend is a good step to becoming a lover.
Oh and "the girl" he likes, he told me Monday that he never really had a thing for her.. So you were right on that one, he lied to make me jealous.
Awesome :P

should I act like I am his boyfriend? For example, if a guy and a girl are on that date, he might put his arm around her or kiss her.
Don't assume you 'have' to do certain things for it to be a fun time or even a 'date'. You guys need to grow into it together. You could try holding his hand in the theatre but there's a good chance he might reject it (either because he's nervous or he's not in fact gay). If you think you can handle that rejection, you might feel ok to take a risk. You may end up having to come out to him if you haven't already.

Only YOU know how close you guys are, but if you don't take a risk you'll never get past this. The worst I suspect will happen is you take a chance is you end up outing yourself to your best friend, which at least makes you better off than you are now, right?

[TaylrJ]

Don't assume you 'have' to do certain things for it to be a fun time or even a 'date'. You guys need to grow into it together. You could try holding his hand in the theatre but there's a good chance he might reject it (either because he's nervous or he's not in fact gay). If you think you can handle that rejection, you might feel ok to take a risk. You may end up having to come out to him if you haven't already.

Only YOU know how close you guys are, but if you don't take a risk you'll never get past this. The worst I suspect will happen is you take a chance is you end up outing yourself to your best friend, which at least makes you better off than you are now, right?

Thanks for the help. All week he kept hinting that he wasn't going to be able to make it to the movies.. Which is what I kinda suspected. I talked to him Friday, he said "I don't know, I am going to be with my friend all weekend." Then, I asked him Saturday. He said "Sorry, I am going to be watching the game tonight and having some people over." So I just went to my friends house and she had some people over watching the game too. Anyways, it never happened and to be honest, it didn't really seem like he wanted to do it. Even though he was excited about it when I asked him to go with me. It just made me depressed. I was looking forward to that night all week and he didn't even put in an effort into making it happen. I hung out with him Friday night at a football game so I guess it wasn't that bad. But the depression has really been getting to me lately and it lead me to even posting a new forum over it. If you could help, really anybody, I'd appreciate it. Thank you.
This it it:
http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=157359