Advice about my friend who is a Youth Pastor

[Mebenick]

So I'm openly gay with everyone from high school. However, at my college I just haven't spoken to anybody about stuff like that. I'm very masculine so most people think I'm straight. I made a new friend at my college who just happens to be a youth pastor. I've never felt this way about anybody before. I found out he was straight so I just want to be friends and we've actually become really good friends now. We don't talk about liking people or anything so he has no idea that I'm gay. I am not ashamed at all but I'm afraid that if he finds out, he might not want to be my friend. I know not all religious people are like that but he might be. Should I just never bring it up or should I take a chance and tell the truth? I really don't want to ruin this friendship (he's truly the best friend I've ever had)

[Apollo.]

I would go ahead and tell him, there's no point having a best friend that you can't tell certain things. I recently told my best friend that I thought was going to be homophobic as he's Chinese and apparently it's quite a taboo to be gay in their culture. He was fine with it. If you two are really close and best friends he should be able to deal with it and see you are the same person he met. Try and make him see that the friendship won't change at all. Hopefully he reacts well and if not do you really want to be friends with someone that can't accept you for who you are? I know it's hard to think about losing someone that close to you I thought about it and it took me ages to tell him, really though if you both care about each other other shouldn't make a difference what your sexual preference is. Good luck with whatever you do!

[TigerBoy]

I agree with Nick - go ahead and tell him. Better to proceed honestly than have a friendship that hangs in the balance on it being discovered. You may even do him some good, exposing him to a real live gay person :)

[MartyG]

Absolutely tell him. You haven't waited years and years for the freedom of college living only to have to start keeping your feelings from good friends.

And; as TigerBoy says....if he has pre-conceived opinions/beliefs regarding homosexuality....he may be in for a real eye-opener. That's exactly what some people need for them to realize that things are not always black and white as they have been taught.

Just be kind and considerate of his feelings. Be prepared for him to pull away from you for a while until he gets his feelings sorted out.

From what you are saying...I think this will be a great experience for the two of you.

MartyG

[Mebenick]

Do you think I should just be open about it if it ever comes up or should I just bring it up myself?

[TigerBoy]

It depends on how much you feel you are having to hide yourself from him. It may not come up directly very often, but you'll probably find you talk about things that skirt around sexuality / minority rights etc without directly putting you on the spot.

I think you should make a point of telling him sooner rather than later so you can clear the air. The longer you leave it, the more chance of it coming out in the wrong way. If he's ever likely to take it well it will be when he's calm and not distracted.

[huntersteele11]

How will he really ever get to know you if you hide part of you from him and if he dont want to be friends because you are gay then i dont think he was a real friend to start with. mabe thats a dum way to think about stuff but i think you should just be who you are

[highfieldsboy]

No point in telling him, if he needs to know tell him, but why go out of your way to do it?
People don't need to know, unless you really must need them to know.

It's your decsion... if you are not out, then i don't see why you need to tell him, maybe of the subject comes up then be honest.

[JJSSHH]

i think if he is a true friend he will accept you for who you are. You dont reall need to tell him unless it comes up in a conversation. Best of Luck! :)

[Mebenick]

I'm going to tell him if it ever comes up but since we never talk about that kind of stuff, I'm not going to just bring it up. Thank you all for the advice!

[HunterSteele]

The people who say to tell him are crazy. If you've never had a friend before ever and finally find one, you don't go and jeopardize your friendship for the sake of it. Enjoy your friendship and don't worry about this.

[Pierce]

You gotta tell him man. Best of lukc really. I believe that if he feels the same way about you and feels as if youre a great friend to him, he might push his beliefs to the side to remain friends. He might even change his view on homosexuality if you explain to him what it is to be homosexual and how it isn't a choice.

[Mebenick]

That was what I was thinking. Maybe I can help if he thought that way. But I've had great friends in my life don't get me wrong. I've just never had a straight guy friend and I've always wanted one. I'm friendly with lots but not that close. I've been having family issues and my Grandpa is dying and he has helped me through it so much. It actually amazes me and the thought of possibly losing this beacon of light in my life terrifies me if that makes sense. So I'm very torn as I see both sides to this problem