I realy dont know?

[xLittelShorty54]

Pleas HELP. It might sound distuerbing or like am a freak.But its been like this for five or six years now.
You see I am 15 going on 16 and I dont know why but i draw people getting bruned, sliced up, hung, shot, eating other people, people decaptaive... sorry cant spell well.ect. I even think in my head how a person should painfully suffer and die.
And I do cut my self and hurt my self but not in a way that trying to kill my self.

But when I think about, am not truly ever happy, sure there might be mounts but they never last, and I do have sudicdal thoughts sometimes. And most of the times i feel like some one is whatching me.

So my quation is why do i do this?

[HalleyJ]

Uh? Ummm...

Has anyone hurt you in your life? Have you felt greatly let down by a member of your family? I feel you may be experiencing a sort of mental pain, perhaps caused by your own pain. Do you know of any conditions you have? Do you feel your life is not going well? Please describe your life as best as possible.

[xLittelShorty54]

Yes my older brother threw me down the stairs,threw a fork in my head. I have a heart condition where i cant run as long so I cant do many sports and that almost made me die when i came out.. My twin is way pretter then me she is advanse math, comp. And i dont understand lots of things in school work.I did do drugs just to see i it well make me happy, then my friends where very disapointed in me so i quite it. My brother tolled me to go die. When I was in pre school this kid every day choke me and the teachers didnt do anything realy about. I was pick on for four years in school, intell i got into high school and start hanging around stoner/drugs/bad people. But there were my friends since kinder gartone and six grade.So they are like my brothers... My best friend moved then came back then left with out word. Parents tell my twin and i that our brother hits us its becuse when we came mom got really sick and a jack up back so she coudnt get up and move or go out any more realy.And he thought we cozed her to not play with him any more. But thats not why its cuz we always cachting do something he not apost to.

[OldSchool]

You should see a psychiatrist, they can help.

[deadtotheworld]

You sound a bit like me only my thing for pain and blood etc is sexual and so is the cutting of your own skin. I'm a masochist or a 'sicko' as most people refer aha. Do you enjoy the cutting in a way thats exciting or anything like that?

[kye.]

I recommend you to go see a councelor/psychiatrist so they can professionally help and figure out what's wrong :) Cheers