It's been two years, and I'm still a wreck.

[liz9591]

This is my first day here. Monday 15 Oct was the second anniversary of the day my friend and neighbour hanged himself. It's been two years, and I still can't handle it. Now, I'm the same age he was when he died, a freshman. I moved over the summer, and at my old school, no one would dare to utter a suicide joke or reference, but here, they toss them around like it's not seruous at all. I swear if I hear one more, I'll end up breaking my hand or somebody's nose.

[Castle of Glass]

feel for you. had a friend who's brother did that. didn't know the dude. happened a while back. but both of us got over it. i moved before then and at my new school at the time, it was the same thing. but they did shut up after i placed a note in the morning announcements. anonymously of course.

[Noirtier]

I would recommend two things. First, to try and get people to stop making jokes about suicide, talk to your principal or vice principal or something and tell them the situation and that you'd appreciate it if there was anything they could do to get people to stop making jokes about it. I would also advise you to talk to your school counselor, because as you said you still aren't over the suicide. It's a tough thing. I know, I've had people I know commit suicide. A counselor will help you cope with it and talk through it though, so that maybe you can finally move on. I wish you the best of luck with that hun, and we're always here if you need to talk!

[liz9591]

Won't the counselor feel somewhat obligated to tell my parents if they know how depressed I get?

[Lights]

Won't the counselor feel somewhat obligated to tell my parents if they know how depressed I get?

Most likely no. Most counselors say that everything you say to them will remain confidential unless they feel like you are in any immediate danger or you could be a serious danger to yourself.

Could I just ask you to explain a little how you generally feel in day to day life? On the whole, how would you say you feel when you're not thinking about or getting upset by suicide references and jokes? How often are you getting upset by these comments and how would you say they're affecting you? Do you ever feel like you experience anxiety and/or stress sometimes because you are now the same age as your bereaved friend?

Sorry for the questions - I just find that they help discovering the root of a problem and potentially ways to help or solve it. Please just answer them as honestly as you can; you don't have to hide anything, and you also don't need to exaggerate anything. Simply tell things as they are. :)

I thought I'd edit this post now seeing as I was just showing another user this link which I think you might find helpful: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

While that article can't tell you if you're suffering from any kind of depression or not, it can help suggest if you might be. If you think you could be suffering from some depressive symptoms (many of which are detailed in the article not far down from the top), let me know. If you don't think you are, then that's great - this is likely to be something you can work through with something like counseling or therapy. But please remember not to take my words in concrete because I am not a doctor by any means, I am just working with my knowledge of depression. Let me know if you're having any doubts or confusion.

[liz9591]

I'm not quite sure of the best way to describe my day-to-day life. It can pretty much be summed up with that I'm new to the school, and I hate most of the freshmen here. My old school was incredibly academically competitive. This one isn't, and it just seems like the kids in all my classes are idiots. I don't really participate in class anymore because I know that if I get active in the iscussion, I'll want to bang my head against the wall, waiting for them to figure out the damned problem. It just seems like. Whever I have too much time to myself to just think, I get sad. When I'm in ROTC or at band, I generally feel better, but even then, I just sort of sink into myself sometimes.
On the suicide jokes, they tend to be fewer lately, but every time I hear one? My happy mood just evaporates. You'd think that considering we had a senior kill himself earlier this year, they'd be more considerate, but apparently, he was new, too, so no one cares.
I can't talkto the counselor because he'd see my scars and probably be able to infer that I'm a danger to myself, which is pretty much true. If it weren't for my sublngs and my disabled mother, I'd be long gone.
Thank you for the link, but I already know I'm depressed.

[Castle of Glass]

i know the feeling when moving and changning to a new school. has happened to me 4 times so far. so yea. but if band and ROTC are what your like, concentrate on them. but keep your academic grades high enough that you will pass.