Enter Friendzone.

[Zombie]

I've been a long time lurker on this forum, posted once or twice so forgive me if I'm breaking rules or anything of that sort :c. Currently i'm faced with somewhat of a problem and I'm not entirely sure how to go about it.

A month or so ago I developed feelings for a girl that was going out with a friend of mine, however they broke up recently and I've become close to her, she tells me everything from what she had for dinner to her depression. One thing overall I try to do is make her happy, regardless. As she has nobody else to talk to about some of the things that happen I guess I feel like its my job to keep her happy, cheer her up and make her smile.

Last saturday night I got an inbox a long the lines of "I think we should talk." from her, obviously this wasn't good news for me at any rate. I asked what about and it eventually ended up with her telling me she had feelings for me, but she doesn't want to loose me because we're close friends and she doesn't have anyone else like that and she doesn't want to loose me. I got around to telling her how I felt and that I have feelings for her as well. After all of that got settled she was content with staying friends and suggesting I find somebody else as she thinks we wouldn't ever be together (Yeah she said that). Problem is I'm not exactly on a mutual agreement here, I like her and want to make her happy and possibly be in a relationship with her.

I understand its her choice as well but at the moment it hurts and I'm at my wits end with what to do. Any suggestions? I don't know :\

[Apollo.]

The only way I can see that you two could go forward is for you to tell her you want to give a relationship a shot. Try and let her know that even if you didn't work as a couple you could stay friends.

I understand where she is coming from if your close friends it would be terrible losing each other because a relationship didn't work. I think if you convince her it wouldn't affect your friendship then she might be up for it. Just try talking it over with her and see where it leads. Good luck! :D

[Eliza Snark]

It's tough to deal with, I understand, but becoming too emotionally invested in a person before you're even together can have its consequences. In relationships, you have to play it safe, not just in the bedroom but in matters of the heart as well. If you truly wish the best for her, and want her to be happy, then I think you should try to accept that this is what she wants and be supportive of that.

In the future, OP, I think your safest bet is to make your intentions of wanting a relationship clear enough when you're still acquaintances before the two of you get a little too comfortable with one another. After all, relationships come and go, but friendships can last a lifetime. You can understand why many people are so reluctant to make that kind of leap.

[Zombie]

Thanks. Asking her to give the relationship a shot is seemingly out of the question as I guess she's made is quite clear shes happy being friends as she doesn't wanna loose me, even though going back to friends could work i'd cop the "it'd be complicated" stuff.

As for playing it safe, you're probably right Eliza. (Albiet I never had any intention with her in the bedroom, I'm not like that, I'd rather see her happy)

[Apollo.]

Thanks. Asking her to give the relationship a shot is seemingly out of the question as I guess she's made is quite clear shes happy being friends as she doesn't wanna loose me, even though going back to friends could work i'd cop the "it'd be complicated" stuff.

As for playing it safe, you're probably right Eliza. (Albiet I never had any intention with her in the bedroom, I'm not like that, I'd rather see her happy)

If you don't have any intention to have a physical relationship with her there probably wont be much difference between a relationship and just friends. You can still hang out, go for dinner and nearly all the things couples do when you are just friends with her.

[Eliza Snark]

(Albiet I never had any intention with her in the bedroom, I'm not like that, I'd rather see her happy)

I was just being poetic there. But I'm glad you find my advice insightful.

If you don't have any intention to have a physical relationship with her there probably wont be much difference between a relationship and just friends. You can still hang out, go for dinner and nearly all the things couples do when you are just friends with her.

I'm compelled to agree.

[rachin2u42]

it would not hurt just to try

[Zombie]

If you don't have any intention to have a physical relationship with her there probably wont be much difference between a relationship and just friends. You can still hang out, go for dinner and nearly all the things couples do when you are just friends with her.

I didn't exactly mean it like that. I'm not out to user her and take advantage of her, if it come down to it then yeah I would have a physical relationship but I'm not going to force it.

[squibles976]

If you don't have any intention to have a physical relationship with her there probably wont be much difference between a relationship and just friends. You can still hang out, go for dinner and nearly all the things couples do when you are just friends with her.

Is have to disagree, cuz it would be painful seeing them do all the things you wanted to do together with someone else, I've been friend zones for past 4 years well it was more off and on again friend zoned, and we'be just recently decided to make everything a bit more serious and committed when I get home in a few months, believe me it will just be easier if you tell her you want more than just friends otherwise you'll beat urself up over what could have been