open relationship

[ackmedsgirl666]

so i am wanting to try an open relationship with my boyfriend of 9 months. the reason being is because i wanna try and see someone else and figure out how strong my feelings are for this person and i wanna further explore my sexuality and see if i still like girls.

is it a good idea to do this. i am not sure how to talk to my boyfriend about this either. how would i start the conversation

i need ideas..
help is appreciated thanks

[TigerBoy]

I think its a really bad idea for the reasons you are stating.

An open relationship might work for some where you are hooking up just for sex, but if feelings are involved then those hookups threaten the main relationship.

I think suggesting this will be really hurtful to your current partner: either you are 100% honest and explain you may feel something for this other person, or you lie to him now and risk dragging out the hurt.

Your best course may simply be to dump your boyfriend (nicely): I can only imagine you would even consider this because you aren't entirely happy with him. The reason for that may be your unresolved sexuality so exploring this could help you make a go of future relationships. The reason may simply be that you haven't found the right partner yet.

[Eliza Snark]

An open relationship might work for some where you are hooking up just for sex, but if feelings are involved then those hookups threaten the main relationship.

I disagree, and think anyone with misconceptions about open relationships should do some research on polyamory. In OP's case, though, I don't think you're pursuing it for the right reasons. If you've been together this long and the matter hasn't come up already, I think now is a bad time.

[Apollo.]

I have to say I don't think it's a good idea, if I was your boyfriend I would not be happy with it at all. My views may be old fashioned but I would give you the option of me or the other person involved.

I think just sex is different but I don't think it would work out great if you think you might have feelings for someone else. If you don't love your boyfriend as much as you feel you should and think you may have feelings for someone else it would probably be in your boyfriends and your best interests to just end the relationship.

Obviously I don't know your situation as well as you do but to be in between two partners will most likely be quite stressful and is guaranteed to hurt at least one person.

[TigerBoy]

I disagree, and think anyone with misconceptions about open relationships should do some research on polyamory. In OP's case, though, I don't think you're pursuing it for the right reasons. If you've been together this long and the matter hasn't come up already, I think now is a bad time.

There are always exceptions. It is hardly a 'misconception' to make a deliberately generalised statement to predict that a multi-way relationship is unlikely to be acceptable to the majority of people in a committed relationship. The societal norm where I live is that where feelings are involved such things are played out as 'affairs' with a choice being forced by one or both parties. For those that can incorporate the 'third' more power to them: I wish more people considered this as a way forward.

[rachin2u42]

open relationships are never good

[FreeFall]

Bad idea, and wrong reasons.

An open relationship is about trust and value. You don't go into one to explore whether or not you're bisexual, homosexual, whatever, you're single to do that. Nor is it about having two committed relationships. You never have more that one committed relationship in those sort of deals or you're asking for huge trouble. You go in because you love your partner and you want to have fun, not because something is missing for you. You want to "share" each other, because that's how much you value each other, you think it's good to spread the joy of each other. Dating is about exploring yourself and seeing how far you go, where your limits are when it comes to your life, so you've got your main relationship, you're other half who betters you and makes your life complete so to speak, and then you have "orbit" relationships, to have a good time and continue to explore. Different people, not just one main boyfriend and another main date.
That's not to say monogamous people don't value each other and are selfish because they aren't open, everyone has their different reasoning of how to show their value in a healthy way.

If you really really really to have an open relationship. Just bring it up, though after 9 months it seems unfair but some don't open until like 5 years after marriage even.
My boyfriend and I are a 2 yes 1 no agreement. We're not in an open relationship, very very exclusive, but when we have an idea/want to do something we both have to say yes. If one of us says no, it doesn't happen.
Start that agreement with your boyfriend if you were to have an open relationship, and he has to know about every single person you've an interest in dating.
You cannot keep secrets, and you cannot use it as an excuse to cheat. You can still cheat in an open relationship. Mainly by having feelings for whomever you're dating on the side. That steals from your main boyfriend, you can certainly care for your orbit relationship, but you cannot go beyond that, you can't love them or even be able to say you'd leave your boyfriend for them. If you can say that, you've got to end the open relationship and go back to being monogamous.

[ackmedsgirl666]

ok thanks guys
read my newest thread. might have a better understanding of whats happening