My Mom emotionally abuses me, what do I do?

[Freiheit]

Hey,
I don't really know how to say this. And this is not a suicidal post. Apparently, my mom thinks has this ideal perfect daughter she wants. She wants this person to be smart, pretty, thin...and I hate my mom. I would say that she has verbally abused me all my life. No matter what, I'm never good enough and I have a low self-esteem because of her. And everyone I talk to just tells me to "Talk to her about it" but I really can't do that.

Because of her, I have this deep fear of failing, I always second-guess myself, I always think I'm not good enough. And, I'm tired of being me. She always makes me feel like I'm nothing and that I'm worthless and that nothing I do ever counts. At the same time, she's always pushing me to be smarter, be prettier, be thinner.

I don't know what to do, I'm just sick of being me. I'm tired of the stress, the drama...I'm tired of her always yelling at me and treating me like I'm nothing. And most of all, I'm so scared that I am just like her, that perhaps I'm a hypocrite and that in reality, I'm just another copy of her. What do I do?

[FreeFall]

You need therapy/counseling. Talk to your school's counselor or psychologist.
If you want change or help, you absolutely have to speak to them. You've the right to demand what you say be confidential but understand that they will do what they feel is in your best interest if it's affecting your well being, it's all for your sake and must be done.

People are also wrong in telling you to speak to her about it. What are you supposed to do? Say "hey mom, stop making me feel like shit," and poof it all gets better and she stops?
If it were that easy, there'd be no abuse help programs.

Honestly, I wish I could do more for you, but emotional abuse is one of the things that stump me and just make me hate people. For crying out loud, when it's your own parent emotionally abusing you, to me emotional abuse is worse than psychical or mental. All are horrible don't get me wrong, but emotions are strong and precious to us.

[Freiheit]

I don't think I can do it.. I'm a coward. I go to college soon, I think I'll just wait it out. I dunno if I can hold on that long. Sometime I think about how easy it is to close my eyes and never feel or think again. I'd be immune to all of life's cruelty. I do not fear death; in death I will not care about my life. I think about death a lot. I guess I am a perfectionist. I have to destroy what I see is not perfect and perhaps i am.

I think I'm more afraid of life becaus of her. So much for those perfect scores and scholarships, they do me no good. I'm too afraid to try, because I fear failure. I think I want to give up. I'll never do anything worthwhile anyway. I truly am nothing, and worse, I'll die knowing that. But I don't want to die.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

:arrow: Abuse

More fitted here.

[Freiheit]

:arrow: Abuse

More fitted here.

But I need to find out what to do about my mom. Like what do I tell her, how should I act, will things get better, will she love me like she loves my siblings...like that kinda family crap.

[rachin2u42]

first things first, talk to your counselor

[SmexiLexie510]

First things first- you are not a 'copy' of anyone, you are yourself and no one else, and you shouldn't let anyone else change that. It's wrong for your mom to think she is allowed to change you into something you're not, some people do have incredibly high expectations and are upset, angry and frustrated when you don't meet them, even if they do not mean to personally 'pick on' you, it is just the way some people are, I do understand that no matter what reason they have, it is very hard to deal with.

You mentioned you have siblings, how does she treat them?
Does she generally have high standards for them and for others?

The effect it's having on you, whether intentional or not, is very damaging for not only now but later in life, (I lived with verbal and emotional abuse from age three to age twelve by my father figure), and it is incredibly hard to repair low self esteem and gain confidence when placed in those situations. But it can be done. If you have a therapist, talk to her about it, if you haven't already, and please do tell us what s/he said/says.

You are not worthless and everything you do counts. You can either crumble under it, or strive from it, and let it push you to be a better person. You are amazing the way you are. I look at it, personally, as a form of bullying because the effects are the same- the pressure, etc.

I tried family therapy because my therapist suggested it, and my therapist got my family in and did activities and sessions to promote 'loving people the way they are' and 'not pressuring them to be who you want them to be' and 'thinking about effects your actions have on others'. Doing exercises that were not pointed at a certain person- she didn't tell them I asked for it, she said that she thought it would be a good idea and she kept it very anonymous and hypothetical, as in 'if this happens...' instead of 'when you do this to...' - really helped me and my family and the way they looked at it.

I thought my family would be reluctant, but because my therapist told them she thought they should do it- they did. I didn't have to get in the firing line at all for saying anything as it was in a non direct way.

I can't tell you if it will work for you and your family or if things will get better of their own accord, I would suggest talking to your mom yourself, but you said you couldn't do that. In my opinion- that's always best. But you need to feel comfortable or it will be more of a pressure for you.

I promise you are important and special for who you are. Please don't forget that.

[Freiheit]

first things first, talk to your counselor
I can't. I'm really not good at being personal and trusting people in real life. I really can't talk to adults about problems. It puts me really on edge and I get really anxious and nervous.

First things first- you are not a 'copy' of anyone, you are yourself and no one else, and you shouldn't let anyone else change that. It's wrong for your mom to think she is allowed to change you into something you're not, some people do have incredibly high expectations and are upset, angry and frustrated when you don't meet them, even if they do not mean to personally 'pick on' you, it is just the way some people are, I do understand that no matter what reason they have, it is very hard to deal with.

You mentioned you have siblings, how does she treat them?
Does she generally have high standards for them and for others?

The effect it's having on you, whether intentional or not, is very damaging for not only now but later in life, (I lived with verbal and emotional abuse from age three to age twelve by my father figure), and it is incredibly hard to repair low self esteem and gain confidence when placed in those situations. But it can be done. If you have a therapist, talk to her about it, if you haven't already, and please do tell us what s/he said/says.

You are not worthless and everything you do counts. You can either crumble under it, or strive from it, and let it push you to be a better person. You are amazing the way you are. I look at it, personally, as a form of bullying because the effects are the same- the pressure, etc.

I tried family therapy because my therapist suggested it, and my therapist got my family in and did activities and sessions to promote 'loving people the way they are' and 'not pressuring them to be who you want them to be' and 'thinking about effects your actions have on others'. Doing exercises that were not pointed at a certain person- she didn't tell them I asked for it, she said that she thought it would be a good idea and she kept it very anonymous and hypothetical, as in 'if this happens...' instead of 'when you do this to...' - really helped me and my family and the way they looked at it.

I thought my family would be reluctant, but because my therapist told them she thought they should do it- they did. I didn't have to get in the firing line at all for saying anything as it was in a non direct way.

I can't tell you if it will work for you and your family or if things will get better of their own accord, I would suggest talking to your mom yourself, but you said you couldn't do that. In my opinion- that's always best. But you need to feel comfortable or it will be more of a pressure for you.

I promise you are important and special for who you are. Please don't forget that.
Thanks.
My siblings are younger than me. I think she favors my brother because he's the boy. Like, he can get away with saying minor curses and going out and dating. I can't. She has this expectation of this kinda girl she wants me to be. She has lower expectations of my siblings in general. I mean, she's fine with them pursuing middle class jobs. I think maybe she believes in me that I can be 'successful'.

I don't think she hates me. I truly do believe she wants the best for me. But sometimes she's cruel to me and will dish out insults while smiling and it would make me so pissed when she does that. Sometimes, i think about running away. She's mainly the reason why I try to commit suicide, and that I use to cut. I want to escape this life. But at the same time, she's the reason why I want to study and go to a good university. So in a way her presence does affect me in a good way.

I don't think I could ever do family therapy. My family is full of machine-people; only cold logic. They would think it is 'weak' to seek therapy and that emotions don't matter; that one should be ashamed of having emotions and being so weak.

Thank you, in a way, it makes me feel better to hear that.

[xXl0sth0peXx]

OP Banned. :locked: