Oncoming breakdown.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Not happy, not sad. Somewhere in middle I guess, but today I cried at work. I never cry outside of my room. Ever. But I've* done what I always do, lock it up and thrown away the key -to the point I can't remember exactly what happened and it only happened couple of hours ago...

I don't know, feel like I'm just floating through life, not thinking, not seeing, just being on autopilot. Everyday is the same, the same faces, same thoughts, same feelings, same routine. It's boring, uninspiring, its not worth getting out if bed for in the mornings.

I'm scared. Scared that one* day (soon) I'm going to find all the keys and everything willcome flooding back and I'll turn to my blade and go too far.

I just want something to change before I do end up in hospital, or the ground. I don't want to die. Just feel like I need to, to make people happy, to make me feel happy/free/alive.... as weird as it sounds.

I'm not* expecting any answers as I don't even know what I'm asking for, but thanks in advance

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

Why do I feel exactly like you basically... No offense, it just if I didnt Id be of more help. Just curious but have you been diagnosed with depression or anything? I mean if not it sounds like it... I really know how you feel exactly. Just take every day at a time right now is all I can say, good luck.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Why do I feel exactly like you basically... No offense, it just if I didnt Id be of more help. Just curious but have you been diagnosed with depression or anything? I mean if not it sounds like it... I really know how you feel exactly. Just take every day at a time right now is all I can say, good luck.

No, I know what you mean, some posts on VT I think 'I feel the same/similar, so I wont post anything' thinking it won't help, but you've made me realise that, like I said on my other thread, it helps knowing that someone out there feels like you do and that you aren't alone.

No I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I have a strong feeling that I do, I have all the symptoms and such. Been thinking about going to the doctors with it, but can't seem to get the courage up to get an appointment as I have no idea what to say... cos i dont want to go in and say: "I think I'm suffering from depression" and 'self diagnosing' myself and being wrong. I don't know. I'm starting to babble now...

That's what I am doing, well trying, to take each day as it comes, but feel like I've been doing it for the last 2-3 years...

Thank you lovely :)

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

No, I know what you mean, some posts on VT I think 'I feel the same/similar, so I wont post anything' thinking it won't help, but you've made me realise that, like I said on my other thread, it helps knowing that someone out there feels like you do and that you aren't alone.

No I haven't been diagnosed with it, but I have a strong feeling that I do, I have all the symptoms and such. Been thinking about going to the doctors with it, but can't seem to get the courage up to get an appointment as I have no idea what to say... cos i dont want to go in and say: "I think I'm suffering from depression" and 'self diagnosing' myself and being wrong. I don't know. I'm starting to babble now...

That's what I am doing, well trying, to take each day as it comes, but feel like I've been doing it for the last 2-3 years...

Thank you lovely :)

Youre welcome and Im glad to help :) But from the sounds of it, being Ive been diagnosed with depression and I feel the same as you, I think you are with depression too. And if this been going on for 2-3 years you really should see a doc, therapist... someone about this! Really it will help and if if needed medication can really help you and make you feel happy, like your real self.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

I'm just scared that I will be diagnosed with it I guess. I hate knowing the truth sometimes. And I don't want it to be a case of people treating me different because of it...

Do meds actually help then? Because I've heard stories where people have been worse on them and become addicted to them etc. And with what you said about being myself On them... I'm not even sure who I am anymore - So that's another thing I'm Scared / worried about...

:/

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

I understand, people shouldnt treat you differently cause of it. But finding out you do can be a little scary... Im not on them yet but I hear they do. Well I dont know if you can become addicted to them but you can really rely on them... But dont be worried about it to much. Im on meds for a different thing, I can go off them and Ive been on them since I was 13-14. I cant be addicted but basically without them Im just a mess and Id be worse than I am now.

[LoveMe_HateMe]

Shit, that sucks.

I just, I don't know, l guess I'm just worrying too much again and overthinking it.

How did you get diagnosed with depression?

Oh and if you don't want to answer, just say and I'll just shut up :)

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

True, but it helps. Just sleep on it, I know its morning there in England haha but when its our morning and your night, sleep on it and just but it in the back of your mind for a little bit. I went to a physiologist finally and there I was.

[ackmedsgirl666]

kepp your head held high :)
things will get better
if you feel like cutting when you get overwhelmed try something different to distract yourself..
i know this sounds dumb but do you have a favourite stuffed toy?
if so try talking to tit. i know u wont get a reply back but just try trust me i thought it sounded weird at first until i tried it and it started making me feel alot better
give it a try. if you need anything im here to talk to

[LoveMe_HateMe]

True, but it helps. Just sleep on it, I know its morning there in England haha but when its our morning and your night, sleep on it and just but it in the back of your mind for a little bit. I went to a physiologist finally and there I was.

Where are you from? Been trying to work it out for ages?

Had 4 hours sleep last night and I just cannot be bothered to go to work/college. Can't be bothered to face people.

kepp your head held high :)
things will get better
if you feel like cutting when you get overwhelmed try something different to distract yourself..
i know this sounds dumb but do you have a favourite stuffed toy?
if so try talking to tit. i know u wont get a reply back but just try trust me i thought it sounded weird at first until i tried it and it started making me feel alot better
give it a try. if you need anything im here to talk to

Distracting myself doesn't work, I've tried so many techniques it unreal - just makes it worse for me in the end :/ I will give it a try thought.

Thank you :)

[xXJust Jump ItXx]

Where are you from? Been trying to work it out for ages?

Had 4 hours sleep last night and I just cannot be bothered to go to work/college. Can't be bothered to face people.



Distracting myself doesn't work, I've tried so many techniques it unreal - just makes it worse for me in the end :/ I will give it a try thought.

Thank you :)

The opposite of you haha New England. But yeah Ive tried to see if stuff works out... it doesnt. I know how you feel bout not wanting to go anywhere, Im kinda suck being I have no choice. :/