The Mockingjay
October 13th, 2012, 03:34 PM
Okay. So, this might be long, sorry.
Over the past few months, there's been two main boys who I've been romantically involved with (both online). One, who I'll call James, I helped through a very rough time he had with his sexuality about July time, and he admitted to me in August that he had feelings for me. Although he lives in Glasgow, we agreed we could try to make it work. At first I wasn't too into it and mainly said yes to stop him being upset, but as we went on I grew to like him a lot. And because of that I was really hurt when he decided to meet this local boy who is basically renowned for being a slut. He's slept with at least 10 boys at the age of 13. James wanted to still be my boyfriend and meet this guy who we'll call Kyle. I said no straight away, I couldn't deal with that.
So we broke up and I started speaking to someone else. I maintained contact with James, but I largely started liking this other boy who I met on another forum who we'll call Tyler. Tyler was everything James wasn't - good looking, dignified, had morals, very intelligent, compassionate, funny. I was really excited to be meeting up with Tyler and we planned to get intimate with each other. And then out of the blue, after about two weeks of barely any contact James decided to text, telling me how this boy liked him. I acted polite and mildly interested, but I didn't care that much. As time went on though, these texts became daily occurrences, and he was telling me how he'd kissed a boy, then sucked a boy, then fucked a boy. It annoyed me, and despite the fact that I considered myself moved on from James, I was jealous. The thing is, James is a very fickle person and likes to make people jealous. I knew this, but I still felt utterly rubbish for a while, like I was so unattractive and stuff. I should have just cut contact with him, but I find that difficult.
And so, when me and Tyler met and did stuff for the first time and James texted me that night to tell me how he'd had sex yet again, I immediately mentioned what we did - I was fed up of the constant smugness in the texts and wanted to make him realise I could get a guy too. James acted a little jealous and I was happy.
Until a few nights ago. All three of us are members on another forum and I started having a go at James for acting horribly people on his thread for being virgins or disagreeing with his general sluttiness. I really flamed him, revealing what a psychotic, nasty, little person he is. He replied and this argument went on for a while. But then he mentioned Tyler and what I told him, making it sound like I used him and he means nothing to me (which isn't true). Tyler saw the next day and was offended that I told James and thought that I was using him as a way to get back at my ex.
I like Tyler a lot, and I'm so sorry for what I've done, but I don't know how to get him to speak to me again without making myself look pathetic. I tried to explain that James has a bad effect on me, but he told me to "Grow the fuck up and take some blame for myself." What do I do? Should I try to get him to forgive me? Should I just give up? Please help! :(
Over the past few months, there's been two main boys who I've been romantically involved with (both online). One, who I'll call James, I helped through a very rough time he had with his sexuality about July time, and he admitted to me in August that he had feelings for me. Although he lives in Glasgow, we agreed we could try to make it work. At first I wasn't too into it and mainly said yes to stop him being upset, but as we went on I grew to like him a lot. And because of that I was really hurt when he decided to meet this local boy who is basically renowned for being a slut. He's slept with at least 10 boys at the age of 13. James wanted to still be my boyfriend and meet this guy who we'll call Kyle. I said no straight away, I couldn't deal with that.
So we broke up and I started speaking to someone else. I maintained contact with James, but I largely started liking this other boy who I met on another forum who we'll call Tyler. Tyler was everything James wasn't - good looking, dignified, had morals, very intelligent, compassionate, funny. I was really excited to be meeting up with Tyler and we planned to get intimate with each other. And then out of the blue, after about two weeks of barely any contact James decided to text, telling me how this boy liked him. I acted polite and mildly interested, but I didn't care that much. As time went on though, these texts became daily occurrences, and he was telling me how he'd kissed a boy, then sucked a boy, then fucked a boy. It annoyed me, and despite the fact that I considered myself moved on from James, I was jealous. The thing is, James is a very fickle person and likes to make people jealous. I knew this, but I still felt utterly rubbish for a while, like I was so unattractive and stuff. I should have just cut contact with him, but I find that difficult.
And so, when me and Tyler met and did stuff for the first time and James texted me that night to tell me how he'd had sex yet again, I immediately mentioned what we did - I was fed up of the constant smugness in the texts and wanted to make him realise I could get a guy too. James acted a little jealous and I was happy.
Until a few nights ago. All three of us are members on another forum and I started having a go at James for acting horribly people on his thread for being virgins or disagreeing with his general sluttiness. I really flamed him, revealing what a psychotic, nasty, little person he is. He replied and this argument went on for a while. But then he mentioned Tyler and what I told him, making it sound like I used him and he means nothing to me (which isn't true). Tyler saw the next day and was offended that I told James and thought that I was using him as a way to get back at my ex.
I like Tyler a lot, and I'm so sorry for what I've done, but I don't know how to get him to speak to me again without making myself look pathetic. I tried to explain that James has a bad effect on me, but he told me to "Grow the fuck up and take some blame for myself." What do I do? Should I try to get him to forgive me? Should I just give up? Please help! :(