Is it normal?

[elishakate15]

That I miss my dad so much after what he did? He's in jail now and idk when or if he'll get out. He used to beat the crap out of my mom and I. He would lock my mom in her room for days, tied up. And when that happened he took it out on me mostly, sometimes my older brother. I went to school year round in long sleeves and pants because I was always black and blue. Everything was a huge secret until I was 10 and my dad did something really bad. I don't think I should share it here. Idk. My life now is great. My mom is remarried to a great guy and we have a huge blended family. It's fun. We live by the beach in a great neighborhood. I love my school and my friends. But lately, like the past few months, all I can think about is my dad. When my brother and I were really little, things were great. It wasn't until I was 4 or 5 that things got really bad with my dad. I think it might be wrong that I miss him so much. I guess it's just knowing that I'll never see him again that bothers me. Ugh I don't know. I don't like feeling like this. Sorry for just writing a novel... :/

[Zeh Crazy]

It's not wrong for you to miss him. Regardless of what he did or how he hurt you, he is still your father and you will always feel a sort-of attachment to him because of that. If you want to resume a relationship with him, then you have to forgive him for the wrong things he did. I don't know if I could forgive someone for doing that to me and people I love...But forgiveness is powerful and it can work wonders. Just focus on how you feel about the situation and really think if you want to continue a relationship with him or if you are better off without him.

[MangoLoop]

I just got taken from my dad not too long ago and I can't believe how much I miss him. My birthday is coming up and i'm not going to be able to see him.
I'm glad to know that i'm not alone.

[xxjj87yub]

Yes it is completely normal to feel that way. Especially if you did have good experiences as well.

Also, other people should recognize this and not begrudge for this

[Jackerlus]

He's your dad, so I suppose you're always gonna have a connection with him. The important thing is though that you've got a nice life now, but I could sympathise with you. It's normal I'd say. :)

[elishakate15]

Thanks everyone. Its just that my mom doesn't let me talk about him now, and my brother and sisters don't feel the same way I do. I feel pretty alone. Like it's wrong to have anything but negative feelings toward him...

[xxjj87yub]

Everyone has different memories of events. That's just how people are. Try not to feel like there is something wrong with you because of that.

[MartyG]

Hi,

I think it's completely normal for you to have feelings for your dad. I also think it's wrong of your mom to discourage that. Feel good within yourself that you want to remember him and the good times; it could mean that you are further along with the healing process that your mom and your siblings are.

And; you don't need to feel that you will never see him again. You can visit him wherever he's incarcerated. As to where the relationship will go....that depends on him as well. Maybe he will shut you out and make visiting painful...or maybe he has grown and will try to nurture whatever there is left of his relationship with you.

Your story sounds sooooo sad; I'm terribly sorry that your life so far has had to involve these things,

MartyG

[MyBrokenHeart]

i think its very normal, he did something bad but its also your dad.....

[elishakate15]

I just hate that it's this big secret that my family carries around. About a year and a half after my dad got put in prison, my mom and us all moved here to South Carolina from Oregon. Literally across the country. And now that she's remarried, we just don't talk about him. Ever. There's no pictures of him anymore, at least that I know of. I used to have some but they got "lost during the move." I just wish I could go back in time somehow and do something, anything to keep him from getting so mad when I was a kid. I hate feeling like this. Idk why all of this crap is bothering me so much all the sudden

[xxjj87yub]

It could be a lot of things. Stress from the move and your mom getting remarried.

It also could be a sign your maturing and are trying to work things out in your head.

Just know that what happened to you wasn't your fault and he made his own decisions in regards to that

[Hypers]

It's hard missing someone, especially your dad, whether he's good or bad.

But there is a good reason why your mom doesn't want you talk about him. He's done a lot of damage to your family, and your mom probably hasn't completely recovered from that trauma. Obviously, it is unlikely that you see him in the near future. Try to enjoy your life now - you have a nice family, nice friends.

[huntersteele11]

im not to smart about stuff like this but mabe now that the pain is gone you just remember the good times and if it were me i think i would probably mis my dad a lot and want him to be home with us. i think what he did suks but he is still your dad right

[ECSTASY]

well, in my opinion he is still your dad . i know how it feels like . try to visit him and check whats his reaction . if he was sry for the things he'd done , try to forgive him mate .

[Texas warrior]

I know this a unpopular answer, but yes. You dad sounds like a monster. I think the best thing is to try to forget him.

[mickydee]

It sounds like you feel guilty.... like maybe you were why ur dad was mad. omg... ur dad was abusing for a reason... drugs? drinkng? mental stuuf? money? no matter what it wasnt cause of u. yep.... luv him but everyone is human and not perfect... it aint what you say it is what u do that shows who u rly are... sounds liek ur mom made the rite move to get away... and it ISNT UR FAULT!!!!!

I just hate that it's this big secret that my family carries around. About a year and a half after my dad got put in prison, my mom and us all moved here to South Carolina from Oregon. Literally across the country. And now that she's remarried, we just don't talk about him. Ever. There's no pictures of him anymore, at least that I know of. I used to have some but they got "lost during the move." I just wish I could go back in time somehow and do something, anything to keep him from getting so mad when I was a kid. I hate feeling like this. Idk why all of this crap is bothering me so much all the sudden

[Stronk Serb]

It is normal if you were very close, he played a big role in your life, now he is missing, It is like a story without one of it's main characters.

[its.me.akshay]

dont worry about the past...and enjoy the future...!! :D ud have a great period ahead.. All the best...!! :D

[jayyy-lmao]

It can NEVER be wrong to love a parent, which is why you feel like this. If your dad is allowed visitors in prison, ask your mom if you can visit him. You should try help him. Im sure he loves you, and if you give him help, you'll be able to have a relatioship with your dad, even if he is in prison.

PS. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but there's no light without darkness, and no good without bad.

[Irishperson15]

Whatever he did, which is none of my business, whether it hurt you or not, he is your dad, and always will be your dad. Do you visit?