Advice for getting over a crush on a straight guy

[Mebenick]

I'm going to give a little backstory. So first of all, I just started school at my local community college and I didn't like my schedule at first. After changing it up a bit, I switched into an Advertising class during the 2nd week. As if it was meant to be, the first person there is this really good looking guy who is really nice. After talking a bit, we realized we both came from the same exact class and kinda bonded over that. I completely fell for him in the weeks since then. I found out that he's straight last week but that is perfectly ok with me. He is the absolute greatest, nicest person I've ever met. He helps me with my confidence and makes me feel good about myself like no one else can. So naturally I asked for advice on how to get over a crush on a straight guy because I would really like to still be friends with him and everyone has told me to cut him out of my life. I honestly don't think that would be better for me as being his friend makes me happy. Is it possible to remain his friend while getting over the crush? I know that we'll never be together so I'm not looking for that. But I really need some advice from other gay guys. Please share your experiences and advice! Thank you in advance!

[billia]

I personally don't know how yet. But this happens to me all the time. You could always just be honest with him. That way you'd HAVE to be just friendly or he'd get suspicious.

But, when I was still dating girls (I wanted so desperately to be straight) I dated this one and we were together for two years. Then she broke up with me. Now, eight years later, we're best friends and she tells me all about her problems and I get the same feelings from her that I did when we were dating. They're just not romantic...

SO THERE IS HOPE!!!

[Noirtier]

It's hard, I'll tell you that much. I've had crushes on several straight guys. The easiest way is to just cut them out of your life, or to find out they're an obnoxious arrogant ignorant little prick. But neither of those are the case for you. So, you're in the same boat I've been in with my best friend. He makes you happy, accepts you, talks to you, etc. And, well, you ended up falling for him. Since you want to stay friends with him, it makes it harder. I know, I've been through it. But you have to, deep down inside yourself, give up any desire to date him you ever had, or maybe even still have. You have to then focus on intentionally making the relationship platonic for you. In a sense, you have to take the reign and control your own feelings. It's not easy, but it can be done. I've been through it. You have to realize that the friendship is more important to you than your feelings for him. And make that your focus, on the friendship, while ignoring the feelings to the best of your ability. This is the best advice I can give you on this, because it worked for me. I hope it works for you too hun.. If youe ever need to talk, feel free to contact me.

[Mebenick]

Thank you! I really appreciate both of you for the advice. I'm pretty sure I'm over the romantic feelings and I just really want to be his friend. Thank you again. I don't have any gay guys to talk to in my life other than my ex who I'm friendly with. My ex wants to get back together so I can't tell him what I'm going through now. I'm hoping that once I meet someone else, I'll truly move on and be able to just be his friend. Also, do you think it's a good idea for me to tell him I'm gay? We've never spoken about relationships or girls because he's a respectful guy and doesn't speak about women in a negative light. I'm open about it with everyone from high school but I don't know if it needs to be said.

[Syvelocin]

I get a lot of crushes on straight girls but I've never actually fallen badly for one. Well. I fell really hard for this one girl who I thought was straight but I found out recently she's actually gay. I still spent 90% of that time thinking she was absolutely unobtainable though.

I'm STILL completely in love with her. I expect I'll always be. But, you know, as painful as it is, you don't have to make it about romance. There are some benefits. I can care for her and see the beauty beyond her flaws like no other friend can. And I won't be part of that coming and going girlfriend group, I get to be her friend for the rest of our lives if we work at it. While you have to deal with what it feels like, to feel this way and not be able to love them like they should be loved, you definitely don't have to exclude them from your life.

And it does get better. At least, the crying and sleepless nights have gone away for me. But that left when I came out and told her about it. My mum of course told me not to tell her, in fear that I may ruin our friendship. But when I came out to my gay uncle, he said go for it, the wasted years aren't worth it. That was probably the scariest and best thing I've ever done. We're closer than ever now. Of course, I don't recommend doing this. Only if you know they'll be fine with it. I've been friends with this girl for sixteen years, she already knew I was gay, so I was pretty confident she wouldn't shun me.

Just be his friend. Be an amazing friend to him. Try not to let yourself feel the pain. Make the best of it.

[Mebenick]

I really appreciate your advice! I never thought of it in that way. I can be a great friend to him and I won't let my feelings get in the way. Thank you again!