Family Problems

[Agteen]

Well... Where to start...
To begin with, my mom is extremely loud, especially when yelling. She will at me for not getting good grades, or trying my hardest in sports. And when I say she tells at me I mean she screams! And honestly I will say it is quite terrorizing, and most of the time a father is the loud or aggressive one, but my mom is. She threatens to take me out of the high school I love, here I forged so many new friendships and met so many great people. She threatens to send me back to my towns high school, which is a drug, sex, and fight haven. So to sum it up, she can terrorize me.

Well.... My sister just brought home a new puppy, and my family already has 2 cats and 2 dogs. Well, my mom is livid!!!! She is screaming at my sister, and I was doing homework in my room, but my mom was slamming the walls, and screaming. I know how scary it is for me, and I feel super bad for my sister. She threatened to kill my sisters puppy if she doesn't take it back! I mean, I am so confused and I feel so bad. I really don't know what to do, and honestly I think I should talk to my guidance counselor at school about these issues at home. However, I have a gut feeling that if I do, my mom will make my life a living h*ll. I really don't know what to do.... Like its so depressing, and I feel like I want to cry almost because of how harsh my mom is. Any advice on what I should do?

[Agteen]

Also- I read another post about family problems, and someone recommended calling or talking to grandparents or family. I have godparents I really feel safe with and we are close as family. Should I talk to them or something? I'd feel kinda awkward just calling them? I am so confused.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I think you should definitely talk to your godparents and if so your counselor at school. Have you tried talking to your mom? Maybe if you tell her how you felt, she might be willing to change.

[FreeFall]

Definitely talk to the guidance counselor, but if they for a second imply that it's your fault, stop speaking to that counselor. That's what is called a "unicorn" where everyone must get along for the sake of family, they will be of no help what so ever to you.

And to jump in, your sister was in the wrong for bringing the puppy home. It doesn't sound like she cleared it with your parents, it's their home, she's no right to be bringing in animals as she pleases.

Frankly, this seems to be slightly toeing the line of emotional and mental abuse to you. She's threatening you constantly, threatening your school, making you feel awful about yourself, that's not a loving mother, sounds like a beast really.

I doubt speaking to her will do anything really. She's the adult, the parent, she should be more aware than you what her actions are doing and where they stand. But it may not hurt to see if they're willing to let you live with your grandparents or god-parents.

[Agteen]

@TheFBomb- Thanks, ill consider that.
@FreeFall- See, I'd really love to talk to my guidance counselor, she is so smart and nice, and she's helped me in the past before. However I feel that if mom even finds out I went to the guidance counselor for something, things could get ugly. I'd love to live with my grandparent, however my grandmother is 87 and her health has been declining for a few years now, and my aunts and uncle have moved in with her. I'd feel like a burden to them. As for my god parents, their daughter just graduated college and got a job in New York City, so I'd once again feel like a burden. I also agree with you, my sister was not right at all by going out and getting a dog, even if it was going to be put down, but I also don't feel it was right for my mom to scream and threaten to kill the dog.

So my new questions are-
-Of I contact my god parents, what would I say? How could I ask them?
-If I talk to my guidance counselor, will she call home? What if my mom goes ballistic?
-If I did happen to move in with my god parents, do you think it would be permanent, or for a while.

Side note:
My main problem with school and my mom would be Spanish. I am in Spanish 3, and the teacher I had for Spanish 2 last year left because of family matters. However, she really understand my problem in Spanish and that would be in 8th grade my teacher sucked, so I literally have no base knowledge of Spanish. Well, the teacher I have this year is very severe at grading. She takes off points for not putting an accent or if she can't tell of that's an r or something else. So my mom gets angry at me for "not trying at school, being a lazy asshole" even when I stay after school for help with this teacher! Ugh even my mom knows I have a weak base in Spanish, she acknowledges it, but when I study and stay after school with the teacher, and I bring home a 43 on a quiz it suddenly becomes my fault??? Like I just don't understand her. All in all, I try so hard in Spanish, but my mom thinks I don't care about school.

- If I happen to move in with my god parents, I may have to switch high schools? The high school I go to is an Agricultural school, so they take in students from surrounding towns if they are accepted. So anyways, my god parents live in a town that is not in the accepting area for the school I go to. So I would have to consider that too.

[FreeFall]

That because your mom sucks.

Your school counselor is actually not allowed to tell your mom anything unless she feels your safety is being compromised. If you really feel like it, tell her to please not contact your parents, they have to respect your right to privacy or face serious trouble.
They only time they intervene is if you're suicidal or covered in bruises.

Don't worry about being a burden right now. Your mom probably already feels that way about you, no need to internalize it yourself and risk a path of freedom closing. You've got to stay strong and realize how much self worth you've got (:

Definitely, definitely, consider the schools situation. The better the education, the better a job you can get, the better higher education, the quicker you can get away. Are they legal God-parents, just the spiritual kind or both? I know there's the god-parents that'll take you in if your parents die and then the ones that just teach the kid about God. Which ones do you have?

[Agteen]

Right, I have been considering the schools situation. I would love to stay there, they are one of the top ten agricultural schools in the country.
My god parents are legal, so if my parents both die, I go live with them, or my grandmother. Those are the only people who have permission to take me.
There is also one problem I forgot to mention. At the school I go to and love, my mom works there. She is a teacher there, and she constantly harasses my teachers when I don't get good grades. I feel that if I moved away for a while or permanently it might be awkward.

[FreeFall]

No, you can't be concerned with what happens to the teachers.
If they've got an issue with your mother they need to go to the higher-up. Frankly, I'm surprised your mother still has her job. It's extremely wrong for family that works in your school to be involved with your school life, they specifically keep that from happening unless specifically requested or special reasons. It's extremely wrong for your teachers to be sharing your info with her as a fellow teacher and not as a mother. She's unprofessional, harassing her co-workers, and has no respect of a student's privacy because as long as she's there, that's your relationship to her, a student. When she's not at work, that's when she's your mother.

If they turn on you for your mother's work, they're just as bad if not worse, and you need to go over their heads with an issue like that. It can severely, negatively affect students and their work with teacher's like that.

Well, give your god-parents a call and explain the situation. If they're willing to take you, see if you can discuss school. You decide if that's a deal breaker or not depending on what happens with that. If not, you could possibly spend less time at home?

[Agteen]

Maybe. Last year though my Spanish teacher felt super bad for me that I was being grounded so often. But your right, it's nobodies business to know I get grounded or whatnot even if my mom works with them.