Seriously confused!

[Apollo.]

Right this is going to be a long story but I just need some advice. I have a friend (a guy) who I am basically in love with, I see myself as straight but I have just fallen in love with him. I have felt as though I'm in love with some girls but I've never felt anything as strong as I do for him.

So to confuse things more I have always thought he was straight well most the time I think that anyway, he does have a few signs of being gay, but tonight we were going back to my place to watch a few dvd's together and he just out of the blue told me he had a hard on (boner) not sure if everyone knows what a hard on is lol. Then he asked if we were going to cuddle tonight he was kind of half joking I think I said yeah (me and him always kind of joke about us being gay together) all this happened in the time it took to get out of my car and to the door of my house. When we got in the house he told me he had a boner again then asked me if I wanted to touch it:confused: I'm not gonna lie I wanted to but said no and laughed it off I can never tell when he's serious or not so didn't want to say yes! After that happened we were sitting watching a movie and he sort of shuffled over on the couch so he was right next to me and put his head on my chest and cuddled into me, I put my arm round him and laughed expecting that to be a bit to weird for him and he would move, he didn't. Then he made a few comments about my chest being really solid and basically fell asleep on me. When he woke up he shuffled off me and started stroking my head and then after the movie finished I took him home so nothing really happened that was a decisive thing to let me know his sexuality:(

Basically what I want help with from you guys is to tell me:

1. Do you think this guy is gay or just a really close friend?
2. If I do eventually get the courage to ask him how should I go about it? Me and him tell each other absolutely everything so I wouldn't want him to think I don't trust him?
3. Is there nothing really between us and is it just wishful thinking on my part because I love him so much?

Really sorry about the long boring story I just wanted to give as much detail as possible to try and get some help. Any advice or answers would be greatly appreciated!

[Dawn01]

Huum... weird. Well, in my country they say when someone is making a lot of jokes about one subject in specific, sometimes it's because he/she is trying to hide the truth with the jokes *sorry, I don't know how to explain this in english, but I think you can understand what I'm trying to say* Your friend could be gay, but really, I'm not sure... Only if you talk to him about it you'll know!

And if you are really in love with him, just forget about the labels... Sometimes I think these gay/straight labels don't exist, I think everybody is a bit bissexual, but I actually never felt anything sexual for a girl because I like guys more, so I don't know, I just have no prejudice :)

[Danny_boi 16]

He might be gay, or confused himself. If you enjoyed it then talk to him, if you didn't still talk to him. You'll never know till you ask.

[Dangoblin]

1. From what I read about you two during those times, it sounds like a pretty good possibility that he is gay or bi. However, you can never be 100% sure unless he actually told you. Now you consider you and him really close friends. Exactly how close? Like on a scale of 1 - 10, 1 being not close, 10 being inseparable.

2. In my honest opinion, its a good idea to tell him first that you have feelings for him before asking him if he has feelings for you. Also, be sure to ease him into it. Dont come right out and be like " I like you, do you like me?" Also, if you do wind up telling him, he may seemed shocked or confused. Give him a few days to digest the information. Im gay and i know that if one of my friends came out and said they like me, I would probably be shocked because i wasnt expecting it. So just get him alone one night and say something along the lines of, "We're best friends right? And nothing can ever change that?" then you could say "I have something personal to tell you..." and you can go on from that.

3. Speaking from experience and what you've said in this post, It doesnt sound too much like wishful thinking. I mean, if i had a crush on one of my friends, i would be ecstatic if something like that happened between us. And dont think that there's nothing between you guys. If he's comfortable enough to tell you hes got a hard on and doesnt mind falling asleep on you, you definitely have a rock solid friendship.

[Apollo.]

Thanks guys, when I say best friend I mean like never apart we are always either with each other or texting if we can't be together and apart from this we tell each other everything so I'd say 10. Another thing that complicates it is he's from an Asian (Chinese) family and his mum and dad are really against gay people, he has always told me he would be kicked out of his house if he was gay, so I'm not sure he would admit it even to me if he was gay because it would risk him basically being cast out of his family. It's a really confusing situation! Also one last question, what are the chances he might take it badly and fall out with me?

[TigerBoy]

I can only say I had a friendship like this and the guy is now my boyfriend. I doubt he's going to be offended or reject you even if he's not gay or bi - he's secure enough to cuddle up to you then he's secure enough to deal with you liking it.

Him coming out is a separate point - he could keep that quiet if he needs to. You may need to reassure him that you'll be discrete, but lots of gay guys end up in your position so its totally doable.

[Apollo.]

I can only say I had a friendship like this and the guy is now my boyfriend. I doubt he's going to be offended or reject you even if he's not gay or bi - he's secure enough to cuddle up to you then he's secure enough to deal with you liking it.

How did the relationship between you guys come about? Like who made the first move? Sorry if that's a bit to personal. I can't see him being angry about it he's never been angry with me before:D. I just wouldn't like to take the risk he means everything to me

[TigerBoy]

How did the relationship between you guys come about? Like who made the first move?
Grew up together so long term friendship, and we'd always been cuddly and stuff and at the start of the summer we just ended up kissing one time - it wasn't a huge step. I'd kind of got into the habit of kissing his head and stuff like that before, so it didn't seem weird to kiss him on the lips.

Honestly it sounds like you guys are well on the way there, and the only other thing you could do (as has been suggested above) is talk about how you feel about him and boys in general etc. when you get a chance. Maybe next time you are snuggled you could just tell him 'I really like you' and see where that gets you.

[Apollo.]

Grew up together so long term friendship, and we'd always been cuddly and stuff and at the start of the summer we just ended up kissing one time - it wasn't a huge step. I'd kind of got into the habit of kissing his head and stuff like that before, so it didn't seem weird to kiss him on the lips.

Honestly it sounds like you guys are well on the way there, and the only other thing you could do (as has been suggested above) is talk about how you feel about him and boys in general etc. when you get a chance. Maybe next time you are snuggled you could just tell him 'I really like you' and see where that gets you.

Thank you so much for the reply, yeah I sometimes kiss him on the head, thing is its always kind of a joking thing when other people are about but not when it's just us on our own if that makes any sense? I'll try and pluck up the courage to talk to him soon. Only thing is our relationship is really weird I'm not gonna try and explain it here it would take all day! But I'll try talking to him or just kind of slip it into conversation. Thanks again for your help its made me feel a lot better and less confused:)

[Apollo.]

So I just tried to speak to him, we were sat just ourselves and I started a conversation about people being gay I got as far as him saying it doesn't bother him in the slightest and he has no problems with it at all. Then I froze I intended to tell him about my feelings tonight but I just couldn't do it:( any help with how I could bring the subject up with him. I kinda want to call him tonight and tell him I think it would be easier over the phone but I just don't want to risk out friendship I have literally no courage when it comes to talking about feelings, any advice would be greatly appreciated this is really getting me down

[TigerBoy]

Hey you made some steps forward so thats all good. Its hard to force the conversation - don't stress yourself out trying to make it happen too quickly. But look at what you already have: at the least you've got a good friend who's basically said he'll accept you if you come out to him. That's awesome :)

It is SO hard to talk about this stuff sometimes. Give it time, and don't beat yourself up if you can't say it when you plan to: there is always another day.

[Apollo.]

Hey you made some steps forward so thats all good. Its hard to force the conversation - don't stress yourself out trying to make it happen too quickly. But look at what you already have: at the least you've got a good friend who's basically said he'll accept you if you come out to him. That's awesome :)

It is SO hard to talk about this stuff sometimes. Give it time, and don't beat yourself up if you can't say it when you plan to: there is always another day.

Thanks, I'm really angry at myself just now though he made it so easy for me to tell him tonight and I still didn't have the guts! At one point he turned to me and told me I could tell him anything and he would never be angry or fall out with me ( I think he could tell I was pretty down about something tonight. Thing is if I can't tell him when we are on the topic and he has said something like that when will I be able to!? I feel so pathetic just now:(

[TigerBoy]

Thanks, I'm really angry at myself just now though he made it so easy for me to tell him tonight and I still didn't have the guts! At one point he turned to me and told me I could tell him anything and he would never be angry or fall out with me ( I think he could tell I was pretty down about something tonight. Thing is if I can't tell him when we are on the topic and he has said something like that when will I be able to!? I feel so pathetic just now:(

I know how you feel, it took me quite a few goes to get it out to my parents. You will eventually, and I guess you being down is going to make him worried. See if you can at least tell him "I need to tell you something" even if you can't say what it is right then.

[Apollo.]

I know how you feel, it took me quite a few goes to get it out to my parents. You will eventually, and I guess you being down is going to make him worried. See if you can at least tell him "I need to tell you something" even if you can't say what it is right then.

Yeah, I suppose that will make it easier for him and me he will know I want to tell him what's up so it won't worry him and I'll kinda have to tell him otherwise he will constantly moan at me! I'll try again tomorrow night or something and see how I go. I'm just seriously angry at myself I had it in my head that tonight was the night I'd tell him and I'd be sleeping tonight knowing if he felt the same, but because I have no guts whatsoever that's not gonna happen:(!