Extreme586
October 7th, 2012, 01:57 AM
Yesterday I was thinking about suicide again. I was on Facebook and an old friend (I realized how much I dislike him now) messaged me that he was moving here at the end of the month and touring the school on Monday. Just what I need. Someone I knew years ago coming into my life to see how miserably Ive failed at a normal high school life. I dont go to football games, basketball, etc. Homecoming? As if, Im gay but I sometimes feel like its a lucky excuse. Prom is this year since Im a Junior, ya right.
I dont eat lunch because Im socially awkward...maybe self centered is a better word. I go straight to the library every day. This used to be ok because my huge guy crush did the same thing for a while. I thought it might have been because of me but that was thrown into doubt since he stopped coming a few weeks ago. Hes one of the hottest guys in our school, the one the girls always drool over, and hes a sweet heart. I didnt have the nerve to talk to him once, during the months including last year when he would go there. I let him slip through my fingers. I wish for once that our silent language had been broken.
Ive become calm and used to my despair, and now that old friend i was talking about earlier is going to poke and prod at the very nature of everything thats wrong with me. Im screaming inside my head everytime i think about. The only thing that helps me forget is my game life on W.o.W. The game that i escaped to from 8:00am this morning to 11:30pm tonight. I took a 30 min break to eat. The worst part is coming on these forums and reading real problems people have and wondering what is even wrong with me, if there even is anything?
What does the phrase "getting help" mean? Where do I get help? What will happen? Do i finally get to tell someone everything about me and whats eating away at me inside?
I dont eat lunch because Im socially awkward...maybe self centered is a better word. I go straight to the library every day. This used to be ok because my huge guy crush did the same thing for a while. I thought it might have been because of me but that was thrown into doubt since he stopped coming a few weeks ago. Hes one of the hottest guys in our school, the one the girls always drool over, and hes a sweet heart. I didnt have the nerve to talk to him once, during the months including last year when he would go there. I let him slip through my fingers. I wish for once that our silent language had been broken.
Ive become calm and used to my despair, and now that old friend i was talking about earlier is going to poke and prod at the very nature of everything thats wrong with me. Im screaming inside my head everytime i think about. The only thing that helps me forget is my game life on W.o.W. The game that i escaped to from 8:00am this morning to 11:30pm tonight. I took a 30 min break to eat. The worst part is coming on these forums and reading real problems people have and wondering what is even wrong with me, if there even is anything?
What does the phrase "getting help" mean? Where do I get help? What will happen? Do i finally get to tell someone everything about me and whats eating away at me inside?